Mummy & Baby Groups & making new friends

[Lulu_Laroo]

I've lived in Suffolk for two years now (moved here to be with OH), and still don't have any proper friends here and have decided I really need to do something about it! I was living in Hemel Hempstead before and desperately want to move back purely because I miss my family and friends so much, but I now realise this isn't going to happen anytime soon and I need to get myself out there and actually meet people.

I joined Sensory classes which were great, but as an almost 29-year-old woman who hasn't needed to make new friends since secondary school, I feel really awkward about it! Of course I talked to people at the group and I was friendly, but at what point do you ask if they want to meet up again? This sounds so ridiculous and I feel so silly writing this, but it's like I'm asking them out on a date haha! How the hell do you make new friends?! I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, I'm fairly shy (but not painfully so). It seems such a weird thing to ask, but like I said i've had the same circle of friends back home for such a long time, I've never had to make new friends really, so I feel like such a prat! Does anyone have any tips?! Are Mummy & Baby Groups the best way to go about it do you think?

 

[pinkyprincess]

I have no idea. I've always moved around and have a group of friends but they aren't very reliable! And not close by! I really need to make mummy friends but I can't bring myself to go to anymore groups!

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

I have no idea. I've always moved around and have a group of friends but they aren't very reliable! And not close by! I really need to make mummy friends but I can't bring myself to go to anymore groups!

I find it difficult to go to groups - I have to force myself! I'm just shy around new people and always find the groups to be full of women who already know each other and it's all a bit cliquey. Hmm, maybe I should just be a bit more pushy and make myself join in more

 

[pinkyprincess]

I went to a couple but at one point I was sat in a corner on my own and it put me off!

 

[Titch85]

I take my charges to Mother and Baby groups, I find that people are polite but not overly friendly! They seem to have their own little groups within the group. The best thing I found was going to the local park at the same time every week and talking to the families there, (even if it's just to mention the weather the first time). They seem a lot more relaxed and chatty.

 

[Monkey]

I'm in a similar position, having moved here from Australia nearly 4 1/2 yrs ago. All my family and friends were back home. When I first moved here, my visa wouldn't let me work and my now husband wouldn't go out places because of his condition, so I never got to make friends. When I was able to finally work I worked with older people and then became self employed and didn't really make any friends that way.

Since having E, I have started going to a baby group and have chatted to a couple of other mums but nothing came of it. However after chatting to one lady on a couple of occasions, I just asked if she had FB and added her and now we are meeting up for a coffee while play group is out for term break.

Long story short, if you are getting on with someone don't be afraid to just ask if you could have their number or add them to FB. You would be surprised at how many people are actually in similar situations and new mums are normally happy to become friends with other new mums.

 

[Roo3]

I was fairly lucky in that I went to a baby massage group and one of the girls there I would see at all my midwife appointments but had never spoken to and another who was at my antenatal classes, but again we'd never spoken. We got chatting during the classes but never arranged to meet up.
I then saw the one from antenatal classes at baby clinic and she told me that her and the other girl had started going to mums and tots and that I should go. I went and we're all quite good friends now and go swimming together and to various different groups during the week. If there's nothing on, we meet up at the park or at someones house.
I can honestly say that if I hadn't plucked up the courage to go to baby massage, I would have been completely miserable.
My situation isn't the same as yours as I've lived here for years and have friends here already, but since LO was born they've been pretty useless. My mummy friends have saved me!!
Mums and tots or a baby group of some description would certainly be the best place to meet mums. It'll be awkward at first but chat to as many people as you can and you'll make friends in no time. x

 

[LaurenMM]

I went to one on my own too and luckily people just started cooing over Angel so it was easy to start a conversation. I just kept myself involved once in a conversation by asking questions and asking things about them too, rather than talking about LOs. As a result I found I have lots in common with a couple of them like hobbies and I just asked if they wanted to go for a coffee sometime there's a facebook page for the one I go to and one of the women just puts on there every so often if anyone wants to meet. When she did this loads of women said yes and we all met up for a hot chocolate and there was about 7 of us xx

 

[littlemuffin]

I have made 2 friends from being pregnant and going to groups. We are not close but I started it off slowly like asking for their number to see if one day they fancy meeting for a coffee and getting out the house

I met them at pregnancy yoga and now we go to NCT coffee mornings together.

Have a look on line for your local NCT coffee morning you don't have to be a part of NCT to go and all the women and babies there are in the same position and want to meet people. I have found it hard, but there is always one person in the group you will see the same as you.

Hope this helps. X

 

[hesty14]

It's really hard but I have made 3 great friends since becoming pregnant. I went to aqua natal and met some ladies and stayed in contact. At first we just become FB friends, then swapped numbers and now we do loads together. It wasnt a quick thing, built up over time.

I live near where I grew up but my old friends are pretty useless since E came along and cannot understand why I don't really want to go out clubbing & going to the pub for a friends birthday is a major thing!!

 

[Belfast girl]

just ask if anyone is going for a coffee after the sensory class - they will all be desperate for one!

 

[Bunnykins]

I think you've just got to be quite ballsy at these things and make the first move!!! I try and think to myself that all these women at the mum & baby groups are in the same situation as me, they have all come out to a group to meet people and get out of the house just like me, I then tell myself we all have one conversation topic in common - our babies!!! So armed with that I just dive in and say Aw your Lo is lovely how old are they? Or I love their outfit where did you get it from I've been looking for one for ages? Etc once I've got a conversation going if I think I'll get on well with them then I'll steer the conversation towards how bored I get home alone etc, ooh we should meet up for a coffee sometime!! If they agree then I'll swop numbers!! I made a really good friend during the wait for our glucose tolerance test when pregnant lol!! I've also got 4 great girls who I meet twice a week that I met at antenatal class, and I go to a bumps and babes nct group and I've a few people there who I dont see out of the group but who I can usually persuade to join me for lunch afterwards at the local pub lol!!!

I'm quite shy but I find having a baby a great leveller and conversation starter! It's not often you can be faced with a group of strangers and know that before you even introduce yourself you already know at least one thing about them!!! You've all been pregnant, all been thru labour, and all know how hard a new baby is lol!!!! That's more than I have in common with some of my oldest friends lol!!!

 

[pringle88]

I'm the same, I was going to put a "Nottingham meet" request on here when Ella was first born but didn't wanna look like a tool if nobody wanted to!! Haha. I really should make the effort and join a couple of classes - its pretty bad when you know the cashiers at tesco coz that's the only place I seem to go haha!! X

 

[Nic36]

I went to a couple but at one point I was sat in a corner on my own and it put me off!

This has happened to me too... . I'm determined to try and keep going, but last time I felt like crying cos no-one spoke to me and everyone already knew each other.

 

[l_maclean]

Sometimes its best just to go for it. chances are there are others feeling the same way your are, especially if they are first time mums. i think if you keep going to the baby groups it gets easier. i was quite lucky with the postnatal group i went to cos my first week there were 2 other newbies.

Last week I managed to ask if they were gonna come to the Bf support group as well - thinking i will eventually work up the courage to ask if they wanna go for coffee or something. I figure if im fed up sitting in house alone, they prob are as well. xxx

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Thanks for all your replies

 

[swis]

Hi, I just saw your thread, I know it`s a bit old, I`m from Brandon, Suffolk, and I have a 10 month old son,not sure where you are in Suffolk, if you ever fancy a meet up or just a chat just message me x

 

[babybee]

just ask if anyone is going for a coffee after the sensory class - they will all be desperate for one!

This is so true!

Also my fave 'chat up line' is "how old is s/he?" when they've answered I reply with "wow s/he's so big/alert for xx months!" and they will say the same back! Then I ask if they come to the group often, where abouts are they from. Then there's the chat about which hospital we had baby at and what we thought of it, then we chat about our birth experiences. Then we do our introductions to other mummies we may know in the group. Then as BG says, someone asks if anyone fancies a coffee and we all jump at the chance!
I love it!

Good luck chick!xxx