Mothers....

[Anna Marie]

My mother has this amazing way of making me feel really inadequate - she always has and now that I am a mum myself she just cannot help commenting on everything I do and say with regards to Lara. It is really getting me down and no matter how much I tell her it bothers me and we scream at each other regularly she just cannot help herself.. she just has to contradict everything and make me feel like I am not doing a good job and that I am a crap mum.

Sorry to vent but I feel so upset by it.. and even my Mother in law is always telling me what her other daughter in law does with their daughter as if to tell me my way is not correct or that I am not good enough.. I am beginning to wonder if they are right and I am not a good enough mum.

I love Lara to bits and want to do what is best and right for her and so far she seems to be absolutely fine with the way i am doing things.. why then do I feel like i have to justify myself all the time to my mother and OH's mother!!??


p.s sorry if posted in inappropriate section.. feel free to move if so..
xx

 

[KatysMummy]

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone hun. You are Lara's mummy & only you now what is best for her, every child is different & you know instinctively what is right for yours.

Maybe if they are causing you stress you ought to try giving them a wide berth for a little while as if you've discussed it & they are not listening to you they are not looking out for yours or Lara's best interests however well-meaning they are!?!

 

[Em78]

i agree with katysmummy, mums should be on hand with advice when it is asked for

when you say you have tried to talk to her has this been calmly telling her just how much its upsetting you or is it snapping back when she has said something. if its the first one then i totally agree that you should avoid her for a bit till she asks wahts wrong, then you can tell her you already told her but she ignored it and maybe she will get the message. if its the latter then maybe wait till you are not angry with her before you bring it up. just ask her if she has any idea how much it upsets you, and whather it really matters that much which way you do things as long as Lara isnt in danger and is loved, fed and warm?

i really feel for you hun, we all doubt ourselves as mothers (without reason might i add!) at one time or another and no one needs someone to add to those worries with their thoughtless comments

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lauramumof2]

why then do I feel like i have to justify myself all the time to my mother and OH's mother!!??


xx

exactly, why do you. Tell them to piss off and mind their own. If they cant keep their comments to theirselves then they dont see Lara.You are her mum not them and thats great for your sister in law but thats her and her baby not you and yours. Simple.
You are doing fine

 

[Nicky_Jones]

Stick to your guns. Thankfully my Mum doesn't try to interfere, she just says that it was a long time ago (29.5 years since her last one) that she had children and she really can't remember that well and that all the advice has changed anyway. Unfortunately my MIL is a nightmare. She is continually trying to tell us what to do and even when we say, no we are not doing that because it is not recommended (or just because we don't want to) she just keeps on about it and saying "I bought up 3 children you know". The result is it puts us off talking to her and seeing her. Thankfully me and DH agree fully on all that we are doing so he stands up to her for me when she nags him on the phone after giving up nagging me.

 

[nicki]

Firstly as hard as it is try not let it upset you. As the others have said Lara is your child & you know her better than anyone. Maybe in some warped way your Mum & MIL are trying to help but it comes out all wrong?

What sort of things does your Mum contradict? I'm sure you're doing a grand job, if you weren't social services would have stepped in by now!

As Em said maybe try talking calmly to your Mum again & if that doesn't work, avoid her for a while.

 

[Amanda]

Awwww hun. You are a fantastic mum, I'm sure of it! Just look at what you went through to get her!

I really have no advise, but just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I'm lucky that my mum is great, and never comments, but it is MIL that I have problems with. And as it's my MIL, I can't scream at her to P*** off and mind her own business!! Instead, I come home and rant to Kayleigh about her!!! (she can't do any wrong in DH's eyes )

 

[Nicky_Jones]

Oh Amanda I am just so glad that DH supports me and see's his Mum as she is. He didn't have a particuarly nice childhood and one of the major reasons why we waited so long before having children was he was afraid he would be like his Mum. He is not, he is a great Dad.

 

[SarahH]

Aww... I'm with you on this problem.... only difference is it's my MIL!! My mum passed away 4yrs ago and I'm sure my MIL feels she has to be there for me more..... but my god she interfears!! Worse thing is she is in Houston, TX and I'm in Aberdeen and she still gets me in tears about it!!

S.xx

 

[Kas]

Mums and mother in laws aaaggghhh!!!! Ur doing a great job looking after your baby, just tell them both if they havent anything positive to say to then say nothing at all, negative people pull you down sometimes. My MIL and Mum wouldnt dare tell me what i was to do with Kaiden, maybe youl have to tell them straight at some point then theyl lay off you. XkelX

 

[Anna Marie]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I do try to talk to my mum rationally about it but we just end up screaming or crying at each other and get nowhere.. then its always ME who feels guilty that I have upset her even though she was the one who upset me first.. bl**dy nightmare!!

As for the MIL I know she means well too but she just cannot resist giving her opinion... most of the time she is quite tactful but I guess I am just super sensitive these days cos I struggle with my own confidence where Lara is concerned.

However.. if my MIL did overstep the mark I would tell her.. so all of you who have monster MIL's don't hold back.. they have no right to interfere.... so tell them so!!!

I know Lara is doing fine except for the blood in her nappies as per my other posts and that is really worrying me and upsetting but the general day to day stuff Lara and I are doing great with.. I just love her to bits and want only what is best for her.. you are all right.. a mother's instinct is usually right and I will stick to my guns from now on!!

thanks again xxxxxxx

 

[Bagpuss17]

Ahhh, I do feel for you.

My mum passed away nearly two years ago so I'm not in the same position as you. I dearly wish she could be here to meet Isaac.

My MIL is great most of the time but there have been times when I've had to defend my decisions. Such as when we decided to give Isaac a dummy to soothe him when he was suffering from reflux when he was about 2 months old. It really helped him.

You'd have thought we'd done something really terrible to him when she discovered this, she said "How long have you given him a dummy for" but the way she said it really made me cross I stood up for myself though.

Grand parents can be so out of date with things, they think they're being helpful but they're not. Back in their day, the in laws were told to scrape milk of their babies tongues! They kept commenting that Isaac had milk on his tongue as though we should be doing something about it. Then it came to light what they were getting at.

Mental note to myself, when I become a grand parent make sure I buy mother and baby mags to update myself on latest parental advice.

I have no doubt that you are the best Mum around Anna Marie, try and get a bit of breathing space between you and your Mum perhaps. Let you get on with being a mum without interference for a bit.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Your a great mom dont worry about what others say ... im sure they do it cuz they think there helping maybe have a chat with her
Katrina