Mother in law!!

[Leeslocket]

Ii am about to kill mine...

When I was pregnant she would say things like if it's a girl I'll have it if it's a boy we'll send it back. I used to reply I just want my baby healthy!

At 2 days old she was trying to have grace overnight and when I said no she snuck off to ask my husband (her son) the same who thankfully told her not to be so silly. She also said to my sister it's a shame I'm breast feeding as nobody else gets to feed her!!

She constantly asks when I will put grace onto solids so she can have her (grace is 8 weeks old) and moans because grace won't take a bottle so she can't baby sit. I don't actually want to leave my baby yet!!

She cindtantky goes on about giving her water which I have told her over an over I'm not supposed to do bad she doesn't need it! In the end she wound up my oh so much and made him think grace is ill because she cries wen tired that he's started giving her gripe water which she doesn't need and nearly killed her last night by choking her with it!!

The final straw with mil was yesterday at her house grace began to grizzle and she said to grace.....

"What's the matter baby are your mummy and daddy hurting you is that why your crying? Has your mummy been pinching you? Does she pinch you baby? And has your daddy been kicking you? Is that why you cry all the time?" My oh said nothing!! Oh and she kissed her even though I'd asked her not too as she has a great big dirty cold sore and when oh told her off she argued!!

Sorry but I needed a rant. I am going to have to start answering her back I think because this makes me so angry and my oh gets upset if I moan to him. She lives literally across the road arrrgghh I hate the woman!!! Grace is a picture of health and there is nothing wrong with her so I don't need her advise or comments!!

 

[kinkers]

Erm, WHY is she saying those things??? That is sooooo weird!!!! What an utterly odd thing to say to a baby!

I don't know how you're coping having her across the road from you, I couldn't do it! Can your OH not have a stern word with her and tell her to back off for a bit and let you do things your way and at your own pace? Sorry I ca't really help, I'm just shocked at the whole pinching and kicking comment.

 

[Holi]

That's mental! My MIL talks to my LO like that (when I said she's not getting christened, she turned to lo and said 'ooooh mummy's being nasty' - could if swung for her!) needless to say I told her its our choice and that's the end of it - she soon shut up!

It's completely inappropriate how your MIL is being and you need to put a stop to it now or you'll have a lifetime if it! But I think it should come from you oh at first! It's his mum after all! Xx

 

[Leeslocket]

I know! Isn't it the weirdest thing to say I think it was aimed at me and then she had to mention her son to cover up what shed said and make out it was a joke! I feel like she wants to steal my baby and now she's accusing me of abuse!!

I'm coping very well with my slightly grizzly baby and I shall stop taking her over there if that's what I get! I already refuse to be alone with her as she spends hours talking about my husbands x who he has 2 children with!! So now she won't see grace at all. I'm glad you think it's weird too and I'm not being over sensitive lol!!

 

[ClimbingRose]

She sounds like the mother in law from HELL!!!!!!

 

[Jajis]

She sounds horrid, I can't believe she suggested that you and OH were hurting your LO, even if it was a joke it's such a nasty (and peculiar) thing to say

With regards to the breast feeding so she can't have her overnight, next time she mentions it just point out the WHO advice is to continue breast feeding until your child is AT LEAST two years old (and beyond where possible)... so she won't be able to have her any time soon My OH's parents thought I'd be happy to leave my LO with them at 10 months to attend a wedding in another country!

(Not that you should have to justify yourself, I find it really weird when grandparents are overly keen to have their grandchildren overnight if it's obvious that it's not what the parents want! Obviously a different thing if the parents are happy about it!)

 

[Mum2Many]

LOL The evil cow in me would tell her that you've already arranged for your own family to babysit Grace when she's old enough, so she's not needed AT ALL. Ever!

She sounds odd. And with talking like that to the baby there'd be no way in Hell that woman would EVER be left with my kids alone. That woman wouldn't even be cuddling my baby when I was there with her for fear she'd be secretly pinching her to get her to cry.

And as much as your DH doesn't like to hear it you really need to have words with him and tell him that her behaviour is completely inappropriate and he needs to tell her to back off.

 

[Jayjay027]

Oh my lord what an awful woman!!
I'm afraid if I were you I would have to step in and say something to her. ESPECIALLY about kissing your baby while she has a cold sore! If your baby contracts the herpes virus she will have it for life and your MIL should bloody well know better! I wouldn't even be polite about that I would just say "can you NOT kiss Grace while you have that cold sore on your face?! I don't want her contracting herpes!"

But I also think its time your husband manned up and stepped in and told her how she is behaving is not ok! x

 

[Leeslocket]

Thanks ladies for all your replies it's nice to hear you all think she is nuts!! I am not going to leave grace with her anytime soon. She is very manipulative and makes out that her husband and other son are so awful to her so my husband feels sorry for her but I know she is the one that's awful to them!

A child behaviourist has told me that what she is saying can be very damaging even at this young age as it will affect my relationship with her as she will grow up thinking I've hurt her (the same way she will know her name...because we keep calling her by it) this behaviourist has said it's very important I put a stop to it!

What makes me cross is she would rather grace had cold sores just because she wants to kiss her and would rather risk having milk allergies from formula milk just so she can feed her (I'm not against formula feeding I know bf isn't for everyone) but it does risk colicky babies.

She is desperate for me to struggle so she can step in!

Arghhhh

 

[mel0013]

i can completely sympathise with you, she sounds like my sister! its so hard trying to deal with someone who is just trying to be nasty by the sounds of it.

 

[rheannymac]

I'm actually speechless at her suggesting you & your oh hurting your baby!! My mum & MIL can be very overbearing with my LO, it's like they don't know how to take a step back and not be a mum, just be a granny. But they've never gone that far. That's horrendous. I wouldn't want to see her ever again either. I think your OH should've said something though. I'd so absolutely beyond furious if someone said this to me.
You should like a fantastic mummy though, don't let anything she says get to you. Stick to your guns, you know your baby best, no one else. xxx

 

[redbear]

TBH the hurting thing my mum says joking but I know it is because she is laughing, because they cry so dramatically you would think someone had pinched them.

But the coldsore thing is out of order that alone would drive me mad. And the babysitting too, until there older and desperate for a night off then I would love it lmao.
I wouldn't worry about the gripe water it wont do any harm and can help with wind, ive never had choking from giving it but mine where bottle fed so they have water to drink as well as bottles so must have been used to the consistency. Id just have an honest word with your Oh and leave him to deal with her so you don't need to argue or have hurt feelings between you both.
She might calm down soon when the novelty wears off ifykwim, I found I had tonnes of offers' to babysit when she was newborn but nil as she got older lol x

 

[coco_cukoo]

Just read this & had to reply! I had exactly the same with my mental MIL. They didn't like the fact I breastfed & always said I've got some cow & gate in the fridge, you can come to mine for the night to let mummy get some rest! Errrr sod off, I'd rather my baby be breastfed than me sleep! No support from them whatsoever, always saying things like your MIL which she knows will wind me up. I've got to the point where we don't see her much any more cos she annoys us so much. I got my DH to speak to her & she fell out with him...she can't accept what she's said is wrong. Unbelievable. Grrrr hate in laws. He is 19months now & I still haven't left him with her & prob won't cos I just don't trust her! My mum gets coldsores & obviously knows not to kiss him...but if it was my MIL I really don't think she would care xx

 

[leesey]

You need to get OH to stand up for his partner and child NOW. I made the mistake of biting my tongue last year because DH asked me to, saying it would all blow over. Well, last week it all came to a head. After a year of me insisting DH talks to his mother about her leaving our baby with other people, feeding her stuff she wasn't supposed to have, trying to potty train her too early, and using language I had asked her time and time again not to use, I had his whole family turn against me and I still haven't recovered from the stress of it all, it was horrific. I had his aunt call me all sorts of things and she accused me of starving my child every day for 7 hours. I have no idea how I will get past all this, I've had no closure whatsoever because it's taken every ounce of my being not to tell them exactly what I think of them after all this, but I know it would rip DH's world apart. I actually considered leaving him over this, because there's no way he could choose between them and us without it actually ending us anyway. But I don't want to do that to our LO and the one on the way shouldn't be born without a complete family just because its nana can't accept that I'm the mother not her.

So PLEASE take action now, a year down the line it could rip your family apart. I completely empathise with you, and I'm already dreading going through it all again with number two. I have a lot to think about before he/she is born xx

 

[Leeslocket]

Leesy I am so sorry to hear all that has happened over the year! I am very lucky that I don't have aunts and others butting in, it's just the MIL. I hope your dh supports you on it, I know it's his family but he must see they are out of order? I don't know how you cope with people saying you starve her that would make me so mad I don't think I could forgive. I'm thinking she's not that bad now after hearing what your going through! I really hope it gets better for you befor the second arrives. I have told dh that I will start saying something to his mum and since then he has kept us apart hahahaha which is quite nice for me. He knows that if I go....I will make her cry

 

[Caoimhe..x]

You need to remind her that she is only the grandmother, if your OH isn't gonna lay the law down, you need to, it's your baby. I can't believe what she said to your LO, also the kissing your LO while she has a coldsore is just disgusting and cruel. Once you get a coldsores that's you stuck with them for life, I hate them.
I understand it's hard to say things to your MIL though as you don't want to upset anyone but if she isn't listening when you're being polite about it then it's not you're fault if she gets upset. x