Mother In Law Drama!

[Laura1391]

Hi ladies,

Haven't posted on here in a while as been having phone problems so been a bit quiet latley but all going well with bubba she's nice and healthy moving all the time!
So this is another rant basically..yesterday was my partners 24th birthday and his mum and dad took us all out for a meal me,my partner,mil,fil his two brothers and one of their girlfriends so were all sitting around enjoy a lovley zizis when his mother decided to ask me who I was having at my birth. I informed her it would just be me and luke my partner and hopefully my best friend depending on when it happens and if someones around to look after her daughter his mother then decided to tell me not ask me that she would be there and she is now my birthing partner when I said you can only have 2 people she told me that it would bter if I told me friend not to bother! I was so angry I don't even want my own mother there do why the hell would I want her? We don't even. Get on as she's always drunk and I barely drink obviously not at all now I'm pregnant but never been a big drinker before! So luke decides to change the subject and the meal goes back to being nice again well apart from her moaning about ever tiny bit of the food even through it was lovley! So we get home and lukes brothers girlfriend has got a big bag of second hand clothes from her friend. Now I'm not fussy a couple of my friends have given me some lovley second hand outfits from their children that have barely been worn but we sit there me the MIL and brothers girlfriend to go through these clothes and they are awful all streched out and dirty and all red! I'm not a fan of red at all I'd prefer more nutural colours or pink on my little girl so forcefully I picked a few outfits i thought were okay but knew they would be going away never to be put on my little girl and then his mum picked up the rest and said that's what she can wear when she's with me I'm too fussy when I don't have any means to be! It was a lovley gesture of his brothers girlfriend and I know she was being helpful but my daughter had two wadrobes already and luke earns a decent enough wage that we can afford to clothe our child. Its just his MIL I can't deal with her now let alone when the babies here! She thinks she's taking the baby to lapland for christmas next year???
Thanks for letting me rant ladies bet your all going to think I'm a stuck up ungrateful bitch now! Xxx

 

[Lolly85x]

Agh!!! MIL's who would have them!!!!!
Sorry she's upset you... its not nice!
But you have to stick to your guns about who you want to be at YOUR babies birth...!!! End of!!!
You need to nip it in the bud tho... Don't let it drag on.
As for the clothes... Anything I have been given. I have smiled and said thanks... Even if I don't think my baby will wear them. I'm going to have a look through and anything we want we will keep, and anything else we can pass on to charity.xxx

 

[Karate Kid]

Not at all hun, you need to be completely comfortable with who you are having as your birthing partner(s), the only way you will be at ease is if you are happy. It is going to be just Hubby and I.... both my Mum and my MIL have asked (thankfully) if they could be present and I politely declined both. I don't want any extra stress and Hubby is genuinely the only one who knows how to calm me down.

Make sure you emphasise the fact that you are not comfortable with you MIL being present to your OH, I am sure he will understand once you have explained.

As for the whole clothes thing, it's nice getting given things and it was lovely of your partners girlfriend to think of you.... BUT it is your child and you and your OH should decide how to dress her. maybe you could take the clothes and pass them on to charity??

I feel for you because my MIL can be overpowering sometimes, it's fustrating because nobody want's to create bad feelings.

Hope things get better for you soon x

 

[monkeynut]

I feel for you! As awkward as it may be you need to stick to your guns, YOU are the one going to have a baby, she does not get to decide if she is at the birth or not.
When time comes and you go into hospital you can put a 'no visitors' rule so the staff will not let anyone other than those with you at the time visit while you are in labour... Might be the best thing to do.

As for the clothes... Don't let it worry you, just send her with clothes when she goes visiting MIL.

 

[mrs v]

Families eh!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, Id be peed off too! My MIL is great, very generous, loving etc etc BUT she seems to think we will all be spending christmas together (this has happened most years, but I told hubby right from the outset this christmas would be very different, first one as a family, just the 3 of us...its caused endless rows but I am not caving in!) I think she also thinks that when I return to work she will be minding bubs - again this sounds ungreatful but my preference is childcare as she has minded their first grandchil since he was 3 months old full time, hes due to start school now!

It is hard, but at the end of the day we are the mummys...and we know best x x x

 

[coco_cukoo]

Oh god, sounds just like my MIL! They are a nightmare - I think it must be some kind of control thing. My MIL keeps saying 'take care of MY baby' to which I respond 'no, this is MY baby'!!! Errr...swear she thinks I'm just a surrogate mother to her baby. I'm not having it though. I think it's down to your OH to talk to her as your MIL will just hate you if it comes from your mouth and that makes life a whole lot more awkward!

I'm having my DH & mum as birthing partners as they are the only 2 I'm really comfortable enough with to let them see my bits lol plus mum is a nurse so I'd feel at ease. Anyway, MIL pipes up the other day saying that my DH won't be making the birth & she will have to come instead!! I said err no chance that is happening even if DH can't make it which won't be the case, I don't want you seeing my bits and why wouldn't DH be there if he's 15 mins away from me at all times?! Must be a control thing, I don't like it. With their other grandchild they feed him stuff that my DH's brother & SIL has asked them not to feed him - MIL never tells him off at their house so he turns into a spoilt brat when he goes home & knows he can run rings around her. I'm definitely getting my DH to have a word when ours is born as I'm not having that sh*t lol. Good luck with your one, I feel for you completely!! It is YOUR baby, not hers, you make the rules...don't let her! xx

 

[Cherry.Glitter]

Stand your ground with this woman! If you don't nip it in the bud now, how much worse will she be when baba is here?

My MIL is a nightmare - to the point where she refused to speak to me when I wouldn't take her name as my babys middle name. The point is, I am my child's mother and she will not dictate to me. I don't care if I create tension, she didn't give a crap about my feelings when she was forcing her opinions onto me!

 

[katie_lou]

She sounds like the MIL from hell ....you need to feel comfortable and at ease when giving birth and by the sounds of it she would stress you out . Giving birth is an amazing experience and don't let her ruin it for you . If you want ur OH and best friend there then stick to that Hun xxx

 

[EmmaN27]

I'm with all the others, stick to your guns. Tell her you're not asking your own Mum so it would not be fair to have her there. Worst case, just don't tell her when you're in labour! lol. She does sound like the MIL from hell and I really feel for you as you have to put up with her. x

 

[Jajis]

She sounds like a nightmare Like the others said, you need to be firm now or I'm guessing she'll only get worse once the baby has arrived I would totally flip out if my OH's Mum suggested she was going to be at the hospital while I was in labour, let alone in the room with me!

Good luck, I hope you get the birth you want without her there!

 

[Laura1391]

Thanks ladies I don't know what it is about MIL just seems as though as soon as they find out they turn into some sort of monster!
I've told OH she will not be anywhere near me in labour and he's fine with that he doesn't want her there anyway and I thonk giving the clothes to charity is a good idea!
Its so nice that other people feel the same way and are going through the same.
I'm just going to start putting my foot down because at the end of the day she wants to see her grandchild as much as possible and the only way to do that is to be nice to me so I think she needs to learn she's my daughter and I will raise her how I choose!
Don't know what I'd do without my pf girls! Xxxx

 

[zoe82]

Glad you've put your foot down, I've already had OH's family asking why MIL isn't allowed in when I'm in labour! My own Mum isn't going to be there, so why would she??! Thank God my OH is on my side with that, but still got instructions on when we have to tell her I'm going into hospital, when she's coming to see LO etc, I think she's forgetting its our baby, not hers!

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk 2

 

[twinkles]

Yes Laura! I missed your thread but would agree with the girls!
Don't look back and have regrets, this baby is your baby end of!!! Xx

 

[Em91]

Definitely stick to your guns, my MIL is quite overpowering and right from the start of the pregnancy she's tried to take over etc, so I dread to think what she will be like when baby arrives!! By being firm with her now I'm hoping it'll be easier when baby is here!

My OH is the only person I'm having with me at the birth, wouldn't want anyone else especially MIL!

Using tapatalk so excuse the typos!

 

[LucyB.]

I'd be just as angry! I'm really lucky my mil is lovey but I couldn't cope with 1 like urs! I'd go crazy xxx

 

[babyem]

My MIL couldn't give a crap it seems, so don't have to deal with her so much..

MIL's - sent by the devil!!