more 2nd child concerns

[trixipaws]

kiki has already posted the biggie really! about having a favourite (the first!)

some more tho- i kno its a long way off lol

1. potty training
not doing it yet, but millie may well show signs she is ready before 2010. my future SIL says when a new baby is born is NOT the time to do it for some reason, is she right? she speaks from a book she's read not experience! but the author of the book must have experience to write it lol

2. prep for new arrival
how do i prepare millie for her little sibling? when do i start explaining, when the bump appears? will she understand what i'm going on about? i'm hoping for another home birth and will send millie to my parents' while i'm in labour, was thinking it might be really confusing and upsetting for her to go visit her grandparents, come back and it looks like she's been replaced i want her to understand whats going on. she will be 2 years 3 months.

erm there might be some more but i cant remember just now i'll be back if i think of more

 

[monster_munch]

She will be a teeny bit older than my dd was when green bean was born.

Firstly the thought behind not potty training when bubs is born as children can regress a bit to be like the baby. They may want to be in nappies like the baby, or have a bottle/boob etc (theory being they see the baby getting more attention due to these things) We were going to leave it but DD potty trained herself and was completely dry by the time Green Bean was a month old (barr the odd accident when she didn't make it in time).
I was panicking about potty training, but if you leave it up to them, you can't go wrong

other question - i was going to have a home birth with Green Bean and was going to have DD in the house (unless she showed signs of stress of course) We watched countless brth programmes together, with the volume as loud as the neighbours could tolerate so she got a real image of the noises etc - she loved it. Even now if she sees a newborn baby she explains to me that it has to cry to breathe and that its mummy is now very happy. If Millie is away when bubs is born, just make sure either someone 'nuetral' is holding the baby when she comes in so you and you fiance can hug her and make her feel special, or put baby in cot / somewhere safe in room so he/she is there but not in your arms.

It will be fine hun - kids are so adaptable, plus you'd be suprised what she will understand at that age. My daughter just seemed to click when she saw her brother - we may have been lucky, but you sound like you have similar parenting ideas to me so I reckon you'll be just fine

 

[Rachel]

Can't help with the potty training because Nathan wasn't ready anyway when Kieran was born.

Nathan was just over 2 when Kieran was born and I did have a homebirth. When I was in labour my mum took him to my Nans. I started letting him go there more often as my due date got closer so that it wouldn't be as new to him when he had to go there because I was in labour. When I had give birth my mum brought Nathan back and I left Kieran in his pushchair so that I could concentrate on Nathan and make a fuss over him. I also bought Nathan a present off the new baby. I introduced him to Kieran and he wasn't too happy about him at first and wouldn't give me a kiss or bother with Kieran but after a couple of days he got used to him and kept going over and saying 'Awww, baby Kie' lol. He is brilliant with him now though btw, he just took a few days getting used to having a new person around taking up my time when it just used to be me and Nathan.

When I was pregnant I took him to a couple of my midwife appointments so he could hear babies heartbeat etc. I also showed him my scans and got him to feel my bump and told him that there was a baby in there. He wasn't really interested though to be honest. He showed abit of interest now and again but not that much I started all that when I had a fairly big bump, when I was still small I didn't say anything.

 

[MummyJess]

1. potty training
not doing it yet, but millie may well show signs she is ready before 2010. my future SIL says when a new baby is born is NOT the time to do it for some reason, is she right? she speaks from a book she's read not experience! but the author of the book must have experience to write it lol

My oldest, Chloe, was dry day and night when my 2nd was born (she was 3 years 2 months) and potty training was never an issue for us at this stage. Then my 2nd daughter, Molly, pretty much got out of daytime nappies in the summer leading up to the birth of number 3, Roxy, in the Sept (Moll was 2 years 7 months). However, when the new baby was born, Molly started going back to wetting herself all the time . It was classic regression, caused by seeing the attention Roxy got for 'baby behaviour-, including nappy changes. It took ages to get back to where we had been and even now she still wears a nappy at night, aged 4, which is far longer than Chloe ever did .

I think every child is different, and if they're ready for potty training then you will know and it will be easier than trying to force anything. But do be prepared for regression and have the usual tricks up your sleeve - reward charts, etc.

Your SIL may also have a point in that do you really want to be coping with clearing up accidents and monitoring a potty training toddler whilst also trying to adapt to a new baby ?

A toughy, but really only a decision you can make, based on your own family. Good luck!

2. prep for new arrival
how do i prepare millie for her little sibling? when do i start explaining, when the bump appears? will she understand what i'm going on about? i'm hoping for another home birth and will send millie to my parents' while i'm in labour, was thinking it might be really confusing and upsetting for her to go visit her grandparents, come back and it looks like she's been replaced i want her to understand whats going on. she will be 2 years 3 months.

With regards to getting used to the idea of a new brother or sister, we have always just talked about it the whole time and involved them as much as poss, from coming to the scans, to choosing toys and clothes etc. It was never an option for them to say they didn't want a new baby! People on PF will have loads of tips that have worked personally for them.

I had home births with my 2nd and 3rd babies. Molly was born at night, while Chloe slept upstairs. When she woke up in the morning, she was overjoyed to find her new sister in the moses basket !

Roxy was born in the evening. When I knew I was in labour, we called my OH's parents to come get the older 2, who then took them to theirs, gave them dinner, watched a dvd then brought them back when R was born a couple hours later. Again, they were overjoyed to meet her, no jealousy whatsoever. Think with kids that age, the novelty of a new baby outweighs any jealousy, especially if they have been well prepared for the arrival. Certainly has been the case with mine. You may have to deal with jealousy once the novelty wears off tho!

Sorry for the essay, hope something in there is helpful

 

[beanie]

Milly will be roughly the same age Seren was when Cally was born - a fab gap

1. Potty training. I actually didn't encourage Seren to potty train as I had heard about the regression thing, so she was still in nappies when Cally arrived. Am glad I left it as by the time Seren decided she wanted to wear pants, Cally was older and the feeding was all sorted so I didn't have the worry of Seren needing the loo when I was feeding Cally etc.

2. All the way through my pregnancy I told Seren there was a baby in my tummy. She came to the scans, she felt my tummy move and all she would say is "no, no baby" when people asked if she was excited about the baby. She didn't even want to see my bump and if OH touched my bump she would take his hand off and say "no daddy". I was so sure she was going to hate her baby sister. I did want her at the birth but unfortunetly my labour intensified just before her bedtime and she was getting cranky and annoying me so she went to see her nanny and stayed there the night. She was brought round the next morning, my sister held Cally so I could give her a massive hug and all she wanted to do was see her new sister. It was love at first sight and we never had any issues - it has been so much easier then I ever thought it would be. Just relax and chat to Milly about having a new baby, let her help you sort things out such as the clothes, nappies etc. Seren had a new doll when Cally was born so she had a baby too (though she prefered Cally)

 

[Bagpuss17]

My son wasn't potty trained when my daughter was born last September.

He wasn't ready for potty training but as others said, the general advice is not to push it when there is a new sibling about to arrive due to the upset it may cause etc.....My HV told me not to entertain the idea until at least after xmas. I thought our son wouldn't be ready until the summer but he had other ideas

We told our soon early on that Mummy had a baby in her belly and took him along to the 3D scan we had so that he could see baby moving in my tummy. He always loved talking to my bump and sometimes touching it. We took him shopping with us for baby things and let him choose a toy for baby etc. He totally understood that he was going to get a brother or sister. He wanted a sister, lucky for him that's what he got.

As soon as baby was born he was totally smitten with her. 20 weeks on, he's still totally besotted with her. He's a fab big brother.

At Christmas time he decided he wanted to do a wee on the potty and within a month he was potty trained. He's wearing his big boy pants to bed for the first time tonight. He's been dry in the mornings for weeks but we've left it until he's ready to decide when he wanted to abandon the nappies at night.

I did have to deal with accidents etc with a very young baby but if your toddler is ready to potty train then you have to go with it. If you leave it until they are ready, you have fewer accidents and it's quite painless. It was in our case.