Mixed Emotions...

[allycat]

I'm still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I'm pregnant. The baby definitely wasn't planned and I'm still not sure how I feel. I know there are women out there who try to get pregnant with no success and I feel awful for thinking like this because they would do anything to have a child, but I'm not sure how I feel about it all right now. Up until a few weeks ago I was out partying every weekend and going clubbing in London. I met my boyfriend and we fell for each other after a couple of months; moved in after only 3 months and I found out the next night that I was pregnant. We hadn't even been trying, but just hadn't been careful. I know that I wouldn't have the heart to get rid of the baby and I already feel this weird bond and feeling of love for the unborn baby, but at the same time I feel resentful of being pregnant and feeling sick and tired all the time. I still think I'm too young to become a mum and I'm not ready to lose my figure just yet. Am I really bad for thinking this way or is it normal to have these doubts? My bloke doesn't understand how I feel and just says it will be ok. We live in a 1 bedroom flat and I already feel claustrophobic when it's the two of us here together. I'm so confused!

 

[Dustydog]

Hi alleycat, welcome to your forum and congratulations, i know you are not sure how you are feeling but that is ok,pregnancy is daunting especially if its not planned. I have been trying for over 3 yrs and finally here, but it still is surreal, I sure am not offended and dont think any others trying to concieve are either about you wanting the baby or not. At the end of the day you need to be happy about this. I have a friend who has a very similar story to you. She is a party animal loves her wine, met a bloke,got preg within couple months,moved in with him. only difference is she is prob bit older than you(you sound young) and 8wk further down the line and has just moved to a bigger place. She is now very happy with the situation. A lot of people are unsure what to do when they find out. I think you need to sit down have a good chat with someone perhaps ur Mum,Sibling,Best friend,family friend or GP or it you have a nurse or MW at ur drs or even the family planning clinic are good people to vent to,just to get ur feeling out may help. I am always here if you need to chat honey lol Dust xxx

 

[allycat]

Heya! Thanks for the message I do feel awful not wanting the baby 100%, but I think it's early days and I've not had time to get used to the idea yet. The thing I'm worried about it that I've only been with my bloke for just under 4 months and I wanted us to have lots of good times together before we started thinking about having kids. He's a bit older than me (I'm 25 and he's 35) and already has a 10 year old son so has already got used to being a dad and considered having another. My social life has only really kicked off in a big way the last year or so and I still feel like I have a lot more partying to do yet! I know women out there try for a long time to get pregnant and it means everything to them whereas I wasn't careful a couple of times and got pregnant just like that so I feel like I should see it as a good thing rather than being so mixed up about it all. It's gonna be such a huge change!

I think I also worry I'm not gonna be a good mum! I'm so awkward and clumsy and I will just panic... but I have been eating more and drinking plenty of fluids as well as taking folic acid so I definitely know I do care about the baby already.

I guess it's normal to feel like this so early on...I bet I feel differently after the 12 week scan when I see my little one on the screen. I am starting to go "aww" every time there's a baby on TV too so who knows!

I bet you must feel ecstatic to be pregnant after trying for that long Congratulations! That's really fab news and I hope the 9 months go really well for you xxx

 

[Cixes]

Aw hun

I know exactly how you feel! I was supposed to start uni last week, and i am stuck at home no job, with 3 kids to look after, i should be excited about training to be a nurse with all my friends and instead i am feeling pissed off with myself that i let this happen! i am old enough to know better!

Having a baby is a scary time in your life whether your 100% ready or not, the fact that you are going through with the pregnancy means that in your heart you have accepted that this is your time to be a mum, perhaps in your head through you are being more practical and worrying about things. My advice to you would be look after yourself well, do pilates or yoga to help keep in shape, join a group that helps you keep fit when pregnant and rub LOTS and LOTS of moisturiser into your tum to minimize stretch marks! I really wish someone had told me that first time round (my hubby calls it texture now!)
You will still have a life! When i had my first son by the time he was 6 months i was back out having a great night in a club at the weekend! Your baby will bring you so much joy, its something us mums can't really explain it's something that happens once you become a mum.
I am sure that you and your partner will have loads of special times together before and after the baby is born, its really good that you have his support so soon into your relationship.

If you need to talk to someone just PM me ok xxx

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

I can totally understand how your feeling hun I felt exactly the same as you when I first fell pregnant and we had been trying for around 15 months! It can feel so daunting at first and the sickness, exhaustion and change in hormones really doesn't help. I'm sure if you give it time you will feel differently and get used to the idea and eventually will begin to enjoy your pregnancy. Its perfectly normal to feel the way you are and your not alone, you will get a lot of support off the girls on here. Just give yourself some time to adjust to the idea. Take care

 

[allycat]

Thanks for the advice! I think you're right about having accepted it in my heart, but worrying about it in my head! It's too easy to focus on the negatives and not think about all the good things that will come of this and I am lucky that my bloke is really happy and wants the baby so much as a lot of women probably wouldn't have had such support!

Are you going to do your Uni course in the near future or is it on hold for now? xxx

 

[Cixes]

I am going next september, baby is due in april so it gives me time to get over the birth and bond with the little one before i start! Its more daunting though as all my friends will be in 2nd year by then!