Missed miscarriage, its all over (Back at work!):(

[stacesl3]

So I thought it might help to post my story here as i know there are others who have gone through or going through the same thing.

I very recently suffered a 'missed miscarriage' or 'silent miscarriage' as i had no bleeding or pain, no signs at all, in fact had I not gone for a private scan 3 weeks ago I would have just assumed everything was okay, scary! I only went for the scan as i was having pains in my side and suspected an ectopic, it wasn't but she did measure me at 4+5 when i should have been 6+2!
I was advised to scan again in 10 days, managed (with a fight) to get a scan on the NHS, still no heartbeat so had to go back in another 10 days, so when i went back last Tues unfortunetely there was no change or growth, still no h/b. I was devestated. They were very sympatethic and went thru the options etc, it was all very surreal, just wanted to get out of there, go home and cry my eyes out. I have no idea when it stopped growing, no one really told me anything.

I decided to go with the ERPC, I had the operation yesterday, the hardest thing was having to do it on my own, I only told one friend i was pregnant as I have been in limbo for so long waiting to see what was happening. So nobody knows I had an op. Physically I am fine, not in any pain and any bleeding i had has pretty much stopped, but emotionally not so much, when Im around people i am fine and can hide it, but tonight i just feel so sad and really down.

I'm 41 and doing this on my own, I've longed for this baby for so long and was so happy when i got my bfp, i will try again and hopefully will get pregnant again and get my much longed for baby. I'm sure i am destined to be a mum, I can feel it, it wasn't meant to be this time but need to (try) and be positivex

 

[Lou1103]

Hi hun,
I had a missed miscarriage in January. I can relate to just wanting to get out of the hospital to cry there's not much anyone can say, it hurts so much i don't think you can actually describe it.

I'm pleased the NHS scanned you, the not knowing and being in limbo is worst as there's always a glimmer of hope until they tell you 100%.

Really hope you're ok, the ladies on here are brilliant, just post in here with any issues/worries and someone will have an answer or advice, sorry for your loss xxx

 

[laurat]

Im really sorry for your loss. The pain of a mc is the worst feeling in the world and hard to get over. Take it one day at a time but do grieve as your a mum from that positive test. Find someone to confide in and help you by just listening. This forum is a amazing for support. Xxx

 

[Karate Kid]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have just had a MMC.... It's just wrenching and nothing I can say will make things better. Be kind you yourself xx

 

[lisey]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage too and chose to have the erpc as my body wasn't giving up. We are all here for you x

 

[Fiona1985]

Hi sweetheart

Really sorry to hear of your loss. I had a missed miscarriage at 20 weeks in May. We didn't know anything was wrong until the 20-week scan showed no heartbeat. You will get through it just takes a lot of time.

xxxx

 

[purplepebbles]

Oh hun, its so so hard isn't it? Sorry for your loss

I found out on Friday that I'd had a mmc. Baby hadn't developed past 5 weeks and I was just over 9. I'd had an early private scan last weekend which showed the same so Friday just confirmed it. It wasn't a total shock but still, it wasn't nice being told it wasn't progressing.

I wanted to go down the erpc route, however within an hour of so after finding out, I started bleeding and passing clots. I had two periods of about half an hour sitting on the toilet passing a load of stuff (Sorry for tmi) and it was horrible. I'm getting some quite uncomfortable pains which an extra strength paracetamol is only just taking the edge off.

I'm feeling the same as you, in front of people I can hide it, just perhaps a little quieter than normal, however behind closed doors I'm so up and down. My best friend text me a picture of her new car yesterday but didn't ask how I was, so that has upset me too. I know that I'm not at the forefront of everyone's minds right now and I don't expect to be but it just hurts that although she's excited about her new car, she didn't think to realise that I could be a complete mess.

I have a scan on Friday to see where I am. Hopefully I've passed what I need to and don't need any medical intervention, however the EPU lady said they'll try and get things in place fairly soon if needs be.

Sending you hugs, you can PM me if you want to chat xxxx

 

[jojo3972]

I'm realy sorry for ur loss big hugs and take care of urself xxx

 

[Linzie2012]

So sorry for you loss.

I also had a MMC at 12 weeks & the ERPC.

I cried a lot more after the operation as I believe it was down to I knew my baby was gone for sure. I had taken me a week between finding out in the scan to actually going through with the operation.

I cried & cried at home for 2 weeks afterwards, then took each day as it came. I still cry at times 7 months on & being pregnant again.

Lots of hugs

 

[mrswtobe]

so sorry to read your post...sending you a hug xx

 

[stacesl3]

Thankyou all for your kind words, its reassuring to know im not alone. At least I haven't experienced any physical pain - no bleeding or cramps etc, i was dreading that. Although I dont think i realised the emotional pain far outweighs that.
I'm not even sure when baby stopped growing, I wish i knew? I would guess around 5-6 weeks. I would have been 10 weeks today according to my LMP

purple - so sorry, i was hoping for a different outcome for you. Its so hard isn't it.

I am back at work on Tues, not looking forward to it although probably the best thing as i will be busy and hopefully my mind will be occupied!

 

[Cazza]

So sorry for your loss

Don't rush yourself back to work lovely - can you take a few more days off?

 

[stacesl3]

No unfortunately I have to go back tomorrow unless I use the rest of my holiday, it might be the best thing for me as I am pretty busy right now so should stop me thinking too much, it will be the evenings that will be the worst

 

[stacesl3]

I'm back at work today, I did think about getting signed off but my work dont know what happened and I dont really want them to, plus it is our busiest time of the year and I think it might be the best thing for me.... as much as i would love to sit round all day watching crap tv, it does keep my mind occupied, I am trying to get back to as 'normal' routine as possible I guess.

 

[H16]

I know exactly how you feel hun, sending you huge hugs. I had a missed miscarriage last year and it was the worst thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. As far as me and OH were concerned that baby already had a whole future of possibilites ahead of them and we had even come up with names etc so when we found out they had died it was devastating. It took a long time to come to terms with things but it does get easier with time xxx

 

[babyem]

So sorry for your loss xx