Hi Redshoes,
I had my first baby in the South of England, under a hospital which had a very high caesarian/assisted birth rate. I decided to have a home/water birth. I hired a birthing pool and, despite initial negativity, got 2 lovely midwives to attend to me at home (not my "named" midwife whom I didn't get along with).
Unfortunately, although I had very strong, regular contractions, my labour lasted 42 hours. After a day at home, I was exhausted and the midwives were too and they were concerned about me, so advised me to transfer to hospital. I found the transfer to hospital (in an ambulance) and settling in there very traumatic as I was really against going in there and worried they'd take over and I'd lose the kind of birth I'd wanted.
I was crying for ages when I got to the hospital. I was put in a horrible, shabby room and hooked up to a monitor on the bed, so couldn't move around. In my stressed state, I even agreed to an epidural - totally against what I had wanted originally. They tried the epidural 2 or 3 times, but it didn't work. It paralysed me, but I could still feel every contraction and they were worried about this, because seemingly this is rare. I decided there and then that I had to get a grip of myself.
From then on, I refused every kind of intervention. I let the epidural wear off hours before the birth (again, the mw had never known anyone to do this). They wanted to speed up my labour with - is it syntocinon? - but I refused, as the baby wasn't in distress. They even got an obstetiatrician in and he simply asked me where I was from (I was taking such a hard line with the poor midwives!). When I told him the name of my home town, he said he'd done his training there and instructed the midwives to leave me alone!
At the 2nd stage, I heard a mw say, "I'll do an epis" (short for episiotomy), but I still knew what she meant and told her that I wanted to tear naturally. I also refused stitches afterwards. My little boy was born fine. If there had been any indication he'd been in distress, then I would have adapted my views, but I knew from the other women in my family, that we naturally take a long time in labour, so I wasn't as worried as the hospital staff were about how long my birth was taking.
Of course, it wasn't the birth I had wanted, but at the end of the day, I gave birth naturally to a healthy baby and we both went home a few hours afterwards. It was very traumatic. So much so that the anaesthetist visited me after the birth and apologised for the epidural not working, but I told her I was glad that it had failed because it meant that I let it wear off and regained control. The 2 midwives I'd had at home visited me during labour in hospital (after they'd gone home for a sleep and came into work again the next day) and were worried that I was STILL in labour. They again visited me at home a few days after the birth to ask how I was feeling. They said that some women nver have sex again (let alone babies!) after such a stressful labour, but I thought that was a bit dramatic.
Saying that, although I had wanted a home birth and was very upset at going to hospital, but was glad I had a healthy baby (the most important thing, of course), I did find giving birth that first time the most traumatic thing I'd ever gone through. I remember saying to my husband that if I'd just witnessed the carnage of a train crash, I'd be less traumatised! But you quickly get over these things.
The thing that you don't anticipate, before you give birth, is that your perception of reality alters during labour. It's like being on drugs (I imagine). Your sense of smell, noise, everything is heightened. I think this means that your sense of "danger" is heightened too. It's easy to lose the plot and become a quivering wreck, especially if things change at the last minute and you end up in hospital.
I'm trying to say that although you say you're keeping an "open mind", try to really consider the scenario of having your home birth approved, but then having to transfer to hospital and receiving intervention there. If you think about it as a possibility beforehand, and let yourself know that if you do have to go to hospital, or accept pain relief or intervention by the hospital staff, that you haven't "failed", or been "deprived" (of the birth you wanted), then you'll be less stressed if it happens.
If you can, ask your mother, aunts, sisters etc. how long their first labour took. This can help give you an idea of how long you might be in labour. If you haven't already, read about home birth - the NCT used to do a book on it and try to join their antenatal classes.
At the end of the day, how you give birth - at home, in hospital, natural or assisted delivery - doesn't matter (and this comes from someone who first time around was adament she didn't want a hospital birth!). Yours and your baby's health is the most important thing.
I hope that you have the birth you want and that everything goes smoothly, and chances are, it will.
Love,
Wendy
xxx
but thankyou, I agree, it's every mothers right to decide 
I'm a bit smelly crazy anyway with oils and candles etc a homeopath friend is putting a birthing kit together for me, so maybe I'll ask if she has a midwife scent suggestion heehee
