Middle name - what's your thoughts on offending family?

[Olive]

Hi everyone

We've chosen our baby girls name and after much thought, she's going to have my mums name as her middle name, which is also my middle name - Anne. My mum is a constant support in my life (I have a lo with additional support needs) and she means a lot to me. Her name also goes well.

I feel bad though for not including my MILs name. I care for her, she means well, but she's not really much support at all (they rarely call but will once baby arrives guaranteed!) and tbh I don't like her name very much - it's Eileen. She doesn't like it either as she always jokes don't call her Eileen.

My little boy has our brothers names as his middle name. One of my nephews has the same and the other his Grandad's (so FIL included there). My BIL has his two Grandad's as his middle name and my OH his dad so basically they probably anticipate it will be a middle name and I really don't want to offend her.

My friend (who will probably bloody read this at some point ) thinks I'm overthinking it all. Most people say go with what you want. My SIL admits that she thinks mil will be a bit hurt but will get over it because they don't tend to give us all loads of thought.

What would you do?

I know it's mean, but I kind of begrudge using her name when I don't like it and as much as I care for them, they can bug me a lot when it comes to my son.

Thanks

 

[Kaylip29]

To be honest, Id like to think that if she dislikes her own name so much, she would understand you not using it. My OH family have all asked why we have chosen my Granddads name as our baby boys middle name, and not used my FIL's name. Simple.....because we wanted it that way My granddad meant the world to me and was the greatest man ever (even my dad understands this), they don't begrudge our choice, it just threw them a bit at first! Xx

 

[Sezzy1718]

I wouldn't worry I hadn't even thought of using my MILs name! x

 

[Hutchy]

Personally I wouldn't worry about upsetting her - this is your child's name that it will have for its entire life - you'd hate to pull a sort of sour face Everytime you say your child's name if you don't really like it lol!!
My Son has my Dad's name as his middle name - and it was always going to be like that! OH doesn't have a good relationship with his dad so that helped lol!
With this baby - if it's a girl her middle name will be after my MIL and if it's a boy it will be my OH's Gramp's name xx

 

[Olive]

Thanks ladies. I suppose I wouldn't worry so much if my son had one middle name but because he has two family ones I feel like it'll hit a nerve.

She actually asked me the other week if the baby will have two middle names like Brody and I just said possibly not, we're undecided. I wish I had just said no I think she'll have one and that way it would of been done and dusted!

 

[Rooster30]

I'm definitely not using my MILs name The woman doesn't like me anyways! I had my girls name sorted ages ago, but we've struggled with our boys middle names. We were going to have both grandfathers names but we might not have either now and just go for a name we really love instead.

Go for it. Hopefully your MIL won't be offended, if she is then, well, her problem not yours

 

[Becky1]

I'm guessing that baby will take hubby's / OH's surname and this is probably her surname too? Problem solved. If I have another boy I'd like his middle name to be my dads name as with all share hubbies families surname and I'd like a bit of my family included. x

 

[Rooster30]

I'm guessing that baby will take hubby's / OH's surname and this is probably her surname too? Problem solved. If I have another boy I'd like his middle name to be my dads name as with all share hubbies families surname and I'd like a bit of my family included. x

This. Though, when I said this to my MIL she still didn't like it - 'it's your name too now'... she completely missed the point.

 

[Olive]

That's a fair point. Yep she'll have her surname. And not mine either. We've been together 13 years this year but not married yet. thanks girls. The more I hear people say go for it the less I feel bad.

My own mum said to me tonight she wouldn't be offended if other way round or if my SIL had a girl and used her mums name and not her. She'd just be happy whatever they wanted.

I think it's just the bloody double name thing and family name thing his side that makes me feel bad! Hey ho.

 

[OMGbabyno3]

Just go for what you want and don't think about others. Your baby, your decision.

However, when the time comes, you could always say her middle name will be the same as yours, rather than saying your mums name. Does that make sense?!

 

[Olive]

That's another good idea there! Thanks xxx

 

[summer15]

I wouldn't worry - as long as you and hubby agree that's all that matters. My hubby has the same name as his father, grandfather and great grandfather - fortunately he doesn't want to name our son the same but guess who's probably going to be unpopular with the inlaws for breaking 4 generations of tradition ...
We're actually using my Gramps' name as a middle name, the way I see it - I gave up my surname when I married into their family, and baby will obviously have their surname too so I want to honour a family name on my side as a middle name.
Xxx

 

[Olive]

Thanks summer. That's fair enough. They totally can't expect you to call your son the same.

X

 

[clairebear22]

As another friend, your defo over thinking it! Give her your Mum's name. Your MIL will have to lump it! Especially if she doesn't even like her name anyway!!

Jack's is Stephen after Daddy and Harry's is Colin which is Steve's middle name & Steve's Dad's first name.

Steve's family have a little tradition that we've carried on ....

Great Grandad was George Richard
George's first Son is Gary George and Second Son is Colin Richard (my boys Grandad)
Colin's boys are Stephen Colin & Paul Richard
Steve's boys are Jack Stephen & Harry Colin ....... See the pattern

If we're lucky enough to have a third baby and it's a boy the tradition stops because Colin has no more Son's so we'd have Steve's Brother Paul as the middle name.

Both boys have no names from my side, I don't care if my lot we're/are miffed lol xx

 

[JJ Mum]

I an thinking the same things as omgbaby3

Id say baby is just taking your middle name.

Actually does mil have a nice middle name out of interest after eileen?

We don't do family names, i get to pick two fresh names but my mum wouldn't want patricia used anyway

 

[Rooster30]

I don't like my mums or my MILs name... if we have a girl it'll have my name and my grandma's name as all the girls on my mums side use her name as a middle name as she died young. I love my girls name it has been picked since before we knew our boy was a little boy.

We've just had a similar struggle with our boys name though, I'd love to use my dads name but I just can't seem to make his name nor any of his family names work. My FILs name works really really well, but I just don't like not honouring my dads side in anyway.

 

[Olive]

Thanks ladies and Claire (excited that you're talking baby number 3! ).

Idk if mil has a middle name and can't really ask now. OH wouldn't have a clue lol.

X

 

[Rachaellius]

Go for it lovely. I agree just tell her it's after your middle name.
We had the same dilemma with Phoebe and well it didn't end well but I think it's for the best. Phoebe has my Mums name as her middle name which is Jane. OH's Mums name is Samantha and like yours she even told us she hated her name and I wasn't really keen on Phoebe Samantha Jane either. Well she kicked off when Phoebe was born and we announced the name, so much so that she hasn't been in touch for the last 3 years, only to demand money that she gave to OH to help him out when he was made redundant a few years ago. She's only met Phoebe once, when she was born. She is a horrid woman though and tbh I'm glad, she showed her true colours when she kicked off and I wouldn't want her around Phoebe.
I don't know how she could have even expected us to use her name, she had a very turbulent relationship with OH, she threw him out at 15 because she was jealous oh his relationship with his Dad, they were divorced. Then she moved away with his brother and sister and got married again without even telling him.
OH was always very close to his Dad and has said he'd like to use his Dads name Andrew as a middle name if we have a boy which is fine by me. His Dad died when OH was 18 and his Mum didn't even come back and support him through that, horrid woman.

 

[Rooster30]

What?!!! What a vile woman.

I really hope I don't turn into a nasty MIL. They all seem so problematic!

 

[Rachaellius]

Yep she's a complete nutjob I remember writing a post about it in the Girlies Room when it happened. We even had to call the police out because she wouldn't stop banging and shouting outside our door demanding money that we didn't have and we had a 2 day old baby inside!! Honestly I'm glad though because who wants someone that volatile around their children anyway.
I'm sure Olive's MIL isn't that much of a nutjob though lol!!