Long post but pls read..waiting to try but have questions. Thanks.

[Blackroseuk]

Hi. I can't believe the time has come to actually post on a forum like this lol. My husband and I were talking a week ago as he knows how broody snd down I've been for a long time now about having a baby. He said he can see us actually having a child before two years is up. So last night I said to him when shall we start to try cos you gotta take into account the length of the pregnancy etc assuming it all goes smoothly. And of course I might not catch straight away. We may not even be fertile, we don't know. Plus my husband has had a kidney transplant over a year ago and is on steroids...he had spent years in dialysis. He's had kidney failure since he was one and has had a transplant before as a kid. So I dont know how his sperm is effected or the mobility. We both have to quit smoking also at least three months before we try. Since dialysis started at home years ago we hadn't had a bed and since we got married over a year ago of course we hadn't been sleeping as a married couple in a bed even and we've yet to go on a honeymoon.
So a lot to sort out first and plenty to do and see because neither of us have had any freedom. We decided we would try in ten months time.
Problem is i want the baby ideally to be at home as much as possible before school starts and if you get pregnant in say feb-march and give birth around september October your child has another year at home before starting school. So that means starting to try beginning of next year which is too early or waiting till 2013! Too long!

Here are some questions anyway, I'm sorry for the long post.

* I've made a list of what I'll need for the baby when it's newborn. The list isn't on me at present so I might miss some things off the top of my head. I have clothes, lots of nappies, Moses basket, car seat, pram, blankets, mobile, any medical products etc, baby powder, if needed breast pump and bottles and necessary feeding things. I know there's more nut cant think ATM. Please add any to this.

*am I selfish for wanting a girl as my first...my husband does too but we will obviously love it all the same if is a boy. Are there any ways to try and make it more likely to be s girl without having treatment and stuff like that? I've read many silly things that probably won't work.

I'll post more soon when I think of it. Please answer all you can and advise. I do write a lot lol but this is the main parts. Thankyou.

 

[AugustMum]

Welcome!

I think that sounds about right with regards to the list, but tbh when your pregnant you just end up doing looaaddsss of research and think of things you need to get along the way if Im honest. Also, it's not selfish to want a girl, as like youve said, you'd love them either way so to have a girl would probably just be a bonus to you. Many people, if not most, have a preference in their mind but alot might not admit it. I had a slight preference for girl and ended up with a little girl but tbh, Im just glad she's healthy.

Also, with regards to the timing. As long as your child is in school the term after their 5th birthday then its all fine. So for instance, my girl was born at the beginning of August so she'll be going to school right after she turns 4, but I could wait another year to send her so she'd start in the September after she turns 5. Even if you were to have a baby around christmas. Then they'd start the January after their 5th birthday. Hope that makes sense. TTC can be a long process and a very unpredictable one so just start when ever your ready and try not to get yourself set on dates as its unlikely things like that will go to plan!

Good luck!

 

[Blackroseuk]

Thanks. I guess I just really want it to be perfect lol. I've heard it's bad luck to buy things before the baby is born or before you even get pregnant/start to try? I think it'll help me if I buy one item of clothing lol. I dunno. I really want to!
Hopefully it will work out anyway and I'll have it at home longer.
I do have another question....my husbands not sure as of yet and it doesn't really matter at the moment but I was wondering what your opinions are on the fathers being at the birth?
Of course it depends on everyone but Im so worried my husband won't find me attractive after experiencing that. He's also very worried I'm gonna be blaming him etc during the pregnancy nd that I'll be really moody lol. I am a recovering anorexic and a few months ago started getting my cycle back after eight months strait of not having it. Problem is I'm on the cerezatte pill (think it's a mininpill) snd even though I've pretty much always had regular periods on that pill which is rare before I lost all the weight I'm unsure wether my irregular periods now are due to my hormones or not. My blood tests came back fine for everything including hormones when I had them done a few weeks ago and at my lowest weight. I was nearly 18st and I'm just under two years I lost it all, most of it at the beginning and went down to 7 and a half. I was exercising all the time. It's s long story but I'm a lot better at around 9 now and I have a lot to recover with still mentally. I have come a long way though but I can't be bothered to tone or exercise which is how I got big partly before. I wsnt to start again and manily tone. I want to live and have a body I am proud of before I have a baby and get big again. I know is supposed to happen so I don't mind so much and my husband think I'll look sexy but I don't think the skin after will be. I already got hanging skin and a pouch and I'm only 27! My boobs are something of nothing and saggy even tho my hubby loves em! I didn't appreciate my body when I was slim snd s teen at all! What are your experiences of weight gain and after birth weight etc please?
I'm not very good with pain and everyones different, but how did you all cope with your births ( for the ones who have had a baby before) naturally mainly, but also by cecerrian(sp?) I want an epidural but I'm worried about being paralysed or having back problems afterwards. I've heard so many horror stories!
And Im not sure if this is inappropriate to post this question here (and domt get me wrong I know its all worth it!) but I'm also worried about afterwards being too you know downstairs and intimacy won't seem as good anymore for my husband. I intend on doing the correct exercises etc and I have got wide hips I think.
Please let me know what you think anyway. Thsnkyou. I hope I have a good quiet baby lol cos you do get some like that.

 

[Blackroseuk]

Actually no, as much as I'd want to I am not going to start buying anything. We havnt the room mainly and it wouLdmt end up being just the one onsie.
Imagine if things went wrong and I'd then have this outfit and no baby to put into it. It will always be for my baby so wouldn't bear to sell or give it away. As far as baby clothes go I'm not into style and they'll always have plain onsies, cute animal or I love my mummy, Winnie the pooh etc ... and rest will be of whatever other kids characters are out at the time.
I also would spoil the moment of buying for the first time while pregnant.
I read it's unlucky to buy till after 12weeks gone...does something happen at twelve weeks?
Others say it's unlucky to buy anything for your baby till you have your second one!?

 

[tinselcat]

Heya

Like Blackroseuk I wouldn't recommend buying anything. I've been TTC since Jan and it's bad enough taking folic acid tablets every day, it would be so gutting if I had baby things around and still not pregnant. I'll be waiting til at least 20 weeks before that.

My & my partner also want a girl first - don't think you're selfish!! I found a scientific study that showed the old wives tale of "stop BDing 2-3 days before ovulation if you want a girl" didn't bear out in practice. But there was another study that showed making dietary changes could improve chances of a girl. I think it was, eat more green leafy vegetables, don't eat bananas and eat less bread. I've kinda given up on this now as there are lots of free bananas at work

Also, don't assume you'll get pregnant right away. I originally wanted a baby around September/October so they would be the oldest one in their year but after 9 months of trying quite frankly I'll take a baby born any time - at the moment it would be June!

xx

 

[Blackroseuk]

Thanks. What is BDing? There's so many abbreviations on here lol and I dunno what they all mean.
One thing that just passed my mind was when I had my smear done a little while ago (stupidly I left it ages after it being due which I'll never do again!) it all came back clear but they said I had traces of candida. If I have symptoms then to go to doctors again or chemist and get some medication. Common problem. No big deal.
Well for ages now I thought I might've had diabetes (blood test ssys I don't) cos I have been needing the toilet a lot and am often thirsty too. I drink just water, and sometimes have a couple coffees. I'm also a starbucks girl once a week lol.
I do tend to eat a lot of salty foods. Anyway I got some cream together in a pack with a pessary. I wasn't brave enough the first few nights to use it. Ive never even put a tampon in! I left ir and forgot about it and it's still here unused, even though the doctor told me even if symptoms go still use it! Now I'm worrying after reading candida can leave you infertile! What have I done! Even though it was a few months ago is it still safe to use this medication? Or will it cause problems? Also, does it effect my pill or anything?
I'm freaking out now I'm finally WTT what if I'm not able?!
I still need loo all time but not itchy or sore anymore down there.
Please set my mind at rest!?

Oh, and even though it's ten months till we plan on TTC can I buy a pregnancy book to keep me busy? Or will that scare my husband?

 

[Blackroseuk]

Aargh I just tried for ten minutes to pluck up the courage to ask hubby if he minds if I get preg book! I know it's up to me but I dunno what scares men! Lol. I couldn't do it!
This doesn't seem real to me! I'm so excited but at the same time I'm worried someomes gonna tell me I'm not ready that soon cos (and I know and feel this too) we havnt had hardly any freedom without hospitals and depression etc. Things are just starting to pick up and I wsnna enjoy our alone time and actually going out together first before anything happens which we are doing. Even me saying this means I'm not ready ATM but in ten months with most stuff out the way and with pregnancy too we will have plenty of time alone. Especially with no set in stone guarantees of how long till he's back on dialysis we gotta act while we have the chance for a baby. We have hardly been our together since we known each other due to problems. So we are enjoying life ATM. Thing is i know once baby arrives alone time goes out the window, aswell as sex I'm told! It's to be expected to a certain degree and unless you have a really quiet baby like some are, like I was, that is happy enough to be held, changed, fed and put to bed then when will you really have time for each other in the way of sitting down and talking with a cuppa even, sharing intimate moments and time in bed, romantic nights or even a good old time with each other or alone on a game? Not to sound sex or game mad, lol, even tho I am really, but plenty of adults have games as a hobby and it's pretty much all we do ATM. Plus of course sex and intimacy is a big part of relationships that you need to keep alive.

 

[K80]

Hey Blackrose, I'm TTC at the moment too and you can get very drawn into worrying about all the small things, symptom spotting and getting yourself really stressed out....and thats when you're actively trying! So my advice is to stay calm! Relax, take it easy, dont stress or overthink things. What will be will be and you will have a whole 9months to get ready for the wee one coming along! Look after yourself you are sooo important to the whole process!!! Good Luck with everything! xxx

 

[Blackroseuk]

Thankyou. I'm gonna talk to my husband and see if we can try a few months earlier so early next year. Omg I'm shaking lol. I will be back later now bashing my head against a brick wall!
Seriously though it could take a long time so even though ten months is quick if I might not catch right away it could take a year or a lot longer so it will be ages. But then we have only just started gettin our freedom back. My husbands gotten over depression more or less just, had a kidney transplant last year and he's been in and out of hospital his whole life. I've got my periods back a few months ago after anorexia. Is this too soon if I catch right away? There's still places we wanna go, stuff together and for ourselves we wanna do and we gotta get a bed. I know there's the whole pregnancy to do all that too and it's not like the stuff we wanna do wont be possible. But what worries me is how much time really do you get to yourselves and with each other after baby is born...for I intimacy, hobbies and just talking? I'm enjoying all that ATM but wanna start trying asap! Help!

And any thoughts on the thrush subject up there would be great thanks.

 

[Blackroseuk]

Update! TTC in six months!!

 

[dyscochick]

good luck blackrose!

 

[xxbeckyxx]

Just wanted to put my thoughts in...
Firstly, don't worry about the little things, a lot of things happen during pregnancy/motherhood that you don't expect or even know about but you cope.
Secondly, as both you and hubby have had mental issues (depression/anorexia), I would really advise having a good session with a counsellor/doctor before getting in too deep. The hormones/worry/surprises that happen in this wonderful time of your life can really take their toll on your mind. As a fairly 'stable' person even I've been prone to days of crying or wanting to punch someone over the last 18 months
Also because of your anorexia you really need to sit down and have a frank discussion with your husband about how your body will change and he needs to reassure you that he will always love you and find you attractive, no matter what. If he's a decent bloke (which I'd hope, seeing as you married him ) then he should take your physical changes in his stride....or at least appear that way to you even if he's freaking out inside

In answer to some of your questions, don't buy anything yet. Wait till you're pregnant at least, you'll have plenty of time to do it and you'll get lots of people wanting to help towards baby things! 12 weeks is the time when you're over the 'danger' time (less chance of miscarriage etc) so that's why most people hang on till then. Although saying that, I bought a baby dress at 6 weeks!
I was desperate for a girl, couldn't even face the idea I might have a boy at some points during my pregnancy. I called Lizzie by her name throughout my pregnancy and when the sonographer couldn't tell us the sex at 20 weeks I was devastated. I really needed to know I had my baby girl at that point and was so upset! However, when Lizzie was born, no-one thought to even check! I had the most precious little creature in my arms and although I love having a little girl, I would honestly not have cared either way.

It sounds like you also need to discuss your broodiness with your hubby more too - you shouldn't be worried about his opinion on your buying a pregnancy book when he's gonna be the one making this baby with you! Although most men haven't got a clue in the early days and lack of enthusiasm during your pregnancy can drive you mad, he does need to be aware what a big deal it is. And don't worry if he doesn't really seem to 'care' at this point either - my OH didn't really understand the whole baby thing until she was in his arms, now he's a brilliant dad

In terms of having time alone with hubby after baby is here, I'm not gonna lie, it's hard!! Maybe after about 3 months, when bubs is in a routine and going to bed before you, you should have evenings together....but you will be knackered! You're entire attitude is likely to change and all you'll want to do is sit on the sofa and have a cuppa

If you haven't had much of a 'life' yet (seeing the world, going out with hubby etc) then I strongly suggest doing it NOW! You need to be absolutely sure you'll never have any bad feelings about what you've given up to have a child, and the best way to do that is to know you've made the most of your life without the responsibility you take on when you get pregnant.

I've just realised I've written waaay too much and have probably put a negative spin on some things, but I call that reality...having a baby is hard work and you need to be sure you're ready for all the things that can be difficult. Having said that, it's also the most wonderful thing you can possibly do.

Good luck hun xxx

 

[Blackroseuk]

Thanks. Well, my husband is pretty scared. He compared it to someone telling me I needed sn operation with a 50/50chance of survival in six months snd then having it brought forward to that same day or something....cos he knows how scared I am of ops.
He's not that scared of em cos he's had s few ops in his life.
He said when the time comes he may need an extra week or day or something if he's not quite ready...but he is more worried about not feeling sexy enough to have sex. We have had a bit of a problem latley with him finishing the job on his part so to speak (before we brought up the subject of babies recently) and he doesn't seem that bothered about sex the last few weeks. However, before that he was all over me. He just doesn't feel that sexy cos he has put weight on. I know how that can make you feel from past experience.

Anyways he then said we will definatly try in three months. He then said he's looking forward to the bonus bits of it's first words, steps etc and thinking we created him/her.
He's so good with children so I know he will love the baby.
He couldn't stop smiling when he said if it's a girl it would make him the happiest man ever. We both want a girl so much but it worried mr slightly that he doesn't seem bothered sbout a boy. I'm sure I seem the same though as I'm always talking about it as if I know it's gonna be a girl lol.

As far as living goes...my husbands always been the type to stay in anyway and doesn't often want to go out. We wouldn't be missing out on much tbh cos we hardly go out.
I want us to go to the zoo and museum again before I get pregnant and for coffee s couple times. And we have booked tickets to go see bill Bailey. We got a few games lined up this year we wanna get as we are game nutters!
So we got a lot to look forward to and anything else we wanna go such as more trips like to the park and beach that we talked about we can always do when I'm pregnant too anyway.
I know it seems like it's all packed together but as I say we don't do anything anyway except go on games all day and even though we wont have time to constantly be on games I can't see our home day to day life changing that much. I go for coffee a lot with sis and so when baby comes Im going to take him/her to town and shopping etc wherever I go basically. And hubby with hsve loads time to himself. He may not let me take her if it's a girl tho as he will be wanting all her time lol!
I have been told I can't go to the zoo or farms etc when pregnant or at least not touch the animals anyway. So I'm hoping for a nice day soon to go, but sadly it seems freezing now and set in for the winter