Legal issues - help needed

[katie_lou]

Hi all

I need some advice to try and help my friend , she split up with her OH 9 months ago and at the beginning even thou they didn't part on good terms they managed to arrange between them days when her LO could Stay with her OH. they agreed to two days a week . After round 2 months he started messing her about and at short notice saying he could not have the baby due to various excuses . Some days he was only telling her 1 hour before he was due to pick the LO up . He also started sending her messages on days that it was agreed the LO would be with her he was coming to get his son and she could not stop him . After lots of messing around and letting her down she decided until he could be consistent he would only be able to have the LO 1 day a week . During there 9 months part he and his family have write vile status about her on Facebook all of which she has screen printed , sent her vile txt messages and shouted abuse at her when they have met when she has when to pick the LO up , they have left abusive voicemails on her phone. In the 9 months apart hast he father has given her Only 180 towards there child's up keep, however on the past 2 occasions when her ex has had him he has refused to bring the baby back , she has had to go and get him.

She has now booked an appointment with a legal firm as she can no longer cope with the abuse she gets from the LO father and family . She wants her son to see his dad but he messes her round all the time , let's his son down all the time and is also working nights ( the father requests these days ) so he isn't actually looking after his son it's his mother . He only wants his lO on midweek days ( he has weekends off ) and he works night shifts so he is in bed all day and out of a night . So it makes no sense why he would want him on a midweek date . Surly his day off would be better .

While seeking legal advice she wants to stop her ex. From seeing there son as she is scared he will follow through with his threats and not hand him back . Is she able to do this

If there is anyone who has been in this situation and can offer advice or anyone in family law it would be appreciated .

Thank you

 

[littlemonkey]

I'm not 100% sure on whether or not she can stop him from ever seeing their son, especially if he is down as the father on the birth certificate.

She can arrange with a solicitor set days and times for him to see their child,.although there would have to be an element of mutual agreement.It can also be ararranged for contact to be made via a contact centre etc if that's preferable.

Sorry I can't be much more help, probably best if she just bites the bullet and talks to a solicitor.

 

[Toria111]

I'm not a lawyer, but I have seen my now husband go through a nasty divorce and sorting out child maintenance arrangements. He's a good dad and has always provided for his daughter and his ex wife until she remarried. And yet she was able to stop him having his daughter until she inspected our house etc. also refused to sell their house until she was ready. So it really surprises me what bad dads get away with. Surely if he's not financially supporting their son, or spending time with him, she has every right to withhold visitation until it's in place? Also have her look up the child maintenance calculator. If she knows roughly how much he earns, she can work out how much she is entitled to.

 

[katie_lou]

I think she has an appointment for this week . She is a broken women the stress of it all hAs really taken it's toll on her . She's been sure to keep all of the nasty message he and his family have sent her along with any voice mails . She is happy for him to see his dad but she wants him to be reliable and not mess her or his son about , he went to Portugal for 2 weeks in September and didn't contact the LO mum until 6 days after he returned to arrange seeing his son . So that shows how much he really cares for him most fathers would want to see there son ASAP xxx

 

[flisstebbs]

I'm watching a close friend go through a messy divorce. Its so sad as their LG was an IVF baby, just before she was a year old, the husband just announced he wanted a divorce, having locked all the credit cards and even their kindle! Its taken a bitter fight and things still aren't resolved fully. Its also cost a fortune in solicitor fees sadly for her parents who have funded most of it.

Only thing I've learnt is that if one party wants to be unco-operative, it seems the only way is through solicitors, its just so sad when it can't be worked out "round the table", and expensive.

 

[Toria111]

Hopefully they get this sorted for their lo's sake. My oh and his ex wife went through soliciitors in the end. He gave her everything and took all the debt just to have it settled. And it was the best thing as everyone is on good terms now. We've got friends where they've gone to court and they now have no money left as it all went on court related costs, and the kids get passed back and forward without the parents saying a word to each other. So sad.

 

[Kaedin]

I broke up with my daughters dad when she was 3 months old, however; we've just gotten back together (LO is now 9 months old). It was going to court so had plenty of discussions with my lawyer but we also went to mediation.

Your friend should contact child maintenance options, theyll check how much her OH had earnt in the past year and work out how much he should be contributing towards the child. If he's frequently late or misses payments they can take the money from his wages before he even received it to ensure it goes towards the child.

my lawyer advised courts don't like making custody arrangements until all options have been tried. would your friend be willing to ask her OH to go to mediation? might be able to talk in a safe environment and set a visitation schedule ? My lawyer advised me it always looks good on the parent to offer this as it shows their trying to resolve things in the interest of the child.

With regards to the not giving the child back, unfortunately there wouldn't be anything immediate she could do. As the child dad he could refuse mum access and police would be unable to get involved as mum doesnt have more right than the dad, at that point court would be the only option.

 

[katie_lou]

Thanks for all your replays , yes I think she would be willing to go mediation . She just wants it all sorted with an arrangement in place .

 

[Kaedin]

Thanks for all your replays , yes I think she would be willing to go mediation . She just wants it all sorted with an arrangement in place .

Hope she gets it sorted. i totally agree with wanting a consistent schedule in place for the child

 

[Holi]

Sounds awful - my mate is going through something quiet similar! And her legal advice has been that as long as her ex is standing up saying he wants to see the lo then courts will always favour a child seeing it's father (unless child's safety is at risk)

Mediation is a good place to start. Also your friend should carry on documenting all his/his families behaviour.

Hope it all settles down for your mate soon, as for mine also!! Xx

 

[Mackmummy]

It's unlikely a court will grant an injection to stop him seeing the child unless there us a real risk to the baby, they can order a prohibited steps order preventing him from removing the child out of jurisdiction along with set times for contact and any over night stays and also state who can or can't come into contact with the child. They are getting tougher now where a parent fails to comply with a court order so whatever the court orders has to be followed through, that goes both ways though so ensure she sticks to it and if he doesn't get it back to court and get sanctions imposed against him and vary the order to suit her better.

 

[Mummy to one]

Hi there,

I know this is a bit of an older post but I am going through a similar thing. My son is 2 and we separated a year ago. I have been to various lawyers and if the OH is on the birth certificate they both have equal rights unfortunately. My ex was very abusive to me both physically and mental but despite the abuse I have never stopped him
Seeing him although he has only attempted to see him once in a year. The advice I was given was although both parents have as much rights as each other and technically can come and take the child should they feel scared to allow the child to visit the other parent for any reason even just incase they don't bring them back they have ever right to stop the contact, that means that should your friends ex want access they would have to go to court. Alternatively should your friend go to court they could get a living arrangement order which means that although the responsibility is joint the living arrangement is with your friend so if the ex does not being the child back then she can call the police who will go and collect the child. Finally I would defo recommend you friend contacts csa they will set up child maintaince and make her ex pay. I have just set this up and although I am yet to receive first payment I don't have to have any contact with my ex. It might not be a lot of money but it is a more than she is getting from him now. It's all a bit complicated but if need be let me know and I would be happy to give u my email to email me and I can give u as much info as I know! Hope your friend is ok and gets it sorted x