Labour partner advice post :)

[Baby&i]

OK, i just posted in the "coping in labour" post in hope of a few answers.

Im getting a little nervous as i know what a HUGE difference your labour partner can make to your whole experience of labour and birth, with a good support can make it a whole different game and im worried that OH wont know what to do or will get scared when he sees the pain im in. i dont want him to feel useless/helpless or scared just because he cant ease my pain. I had my mum support me in labour with DD and she was fantastic. she did everything for me and was a huge help we laughed throughout my whole labour even to the very end she made me lunch and helped me around held me through my contractions she was a real star but this time she cant make it as im in Canada and shes in England. i will have my hubby there by my side, which is great but i dont know what advice i can give him so i will have a good birth experience like my first... hes very emotional when it comes to his family and i dont think he knows whats to come (we met when DD was only a few weeks old, moved in when she was 1yr, engaged 2yrs then got married this year, now shes 3) so hes not used to newborns and this will be his first and has never been at a birth. he is very exited and was over the moon when we succeded TTC, but what can i do to help him know what to expect?

also, this time i will be having a home birth not hospital so im allowed TENS machine and G&A. with DD i had G&A and pethadine and coped fab... im really nervous about not having the pethadine coz it made me sleep inbetween contractions and worked a treat when G&A wasnt helping much towards the end... whats the pain releif difference between TENS and Pethadine? x

 

[andreag]

Get your hubby on here to talk to some of the other Dads in the Dads section - I'm sure they will give some good advice. pthadineIt might also helps if he reads up on labour to know what (in theory) to expect. I got OH to read through all the breathing techniques to help me as I was sure I would forget them once it happended.

Not sure about the pethadine - I never bothered with a tens as my sister didn't rate it much but I know a lot of people swear by them. I just went with G&A.

I'm sure it will all be fine - men can be stronger than we give them credit for (occasionally!)

 

[Julie84]

Could you ask and see if you could have the option of pethadine at home? I know if I have a home birth I can have pethadine (I think you need to sort it out beforehand though as the GP will need to sign it off rather than the midwife) - hope the same is available in Canada.

I'm sure when it comes to it your OH will surprise you. Have you been to any antenatal classes together?

 

[Baby&i]

ohhhhh im so emotional and cant stop crying about the labour today i really want my mum here i havnt seen her since i was three months pregnant

iv already asked about the pethadine and they said that id have to be at the hospital if i chose to have that we hvant yet been to classes but have spoke about it x

 

[Morganuk]

Awww hun

Is there no way your mum can be there??

Hun you will be ok no matter what but if its worrying you then maybe you need to rethink your plan

 

[Baby&i]

OMG WHYYYY AM I SO EMOTIONAL?? theres nothing even wrong with me and im crying.. argh!!!

im not scared im exited more than anything, i just had a long chat with my mum offered to pay for the flight, and all the work wages she would have missed out on being here and she said it would be really difficult to make it with how busy she is

im so uncomfy today baby is sooo low and i keep having to pee every 5mins
im going to stop moaning now.... sorry x

 

[halemon]

try not to worry hun, im going for a home birth too and its only Gas and air for me too - am getting a bit nervous about how i will cope with pain but something also tells me that us women are very strong really and its amazing what we can do, so im trying to get into that frame of mind - like a cow or brood mare or something!!!!! I'm also wondering how OH will deal with things. i can sense he's getting a littl tense about it all, all i can do is reassure him and we'll help each other though it somwehow!!

 

[Baby&i]

aww bless you. thanks for your reply hun sorry i had such a tearfull day not too sure why... its snowing here today and that makes me smile as i said baby will be close to comeing when it starts to snow i know he will be fine, i think its just that he wont read about it he just expects he knows what to do instinctively, which he probably will xx

 

[halemon]

well, i suppose there wasn't any books in the cave men days, you'll be fine hun and he will be too, my OH hasn't read anything either, in fact he avoids anything like that but i think he'll be fine when it actually happens, i hope!!!!!!

oh the psychology of men!!!1

 

[mommymoo]

Pethadine is very bad for a home birth as it can cause breathing problems for the baby and your no where near the hospital!! so i would just forget about that, i know i would not want to take that risk!!
You will not have a very good experiance if you feel this way abot about your husband now as you wont trust him or feel hs is good enough so in turn you wont feel 100% safe secure etc dring your birth, i would start thinking about friends or hiring a doula for the birth!

 

[Baby&i]

Pethadine is very bad for a home birth as it can cause breathing problems for the baby and your no where near the hospital!! so i would just forget about that, i know i would not want to take that risk!!
You will not have a very good experiance if you feel this way abot about your husband now as you wont trust him or feel hs is good enough so in turn you wont feel 100% safe secure etc dring your birth, i would start thinking about friends or hiring a doula for the birth!

what part of my post states i dont trust my husband? of corse i do im just wondering what advice i could give him to prepare him thats all..

 

[Julie84]

I'm sure (some) midwives/health authorities wouldn't offer pethadine at a home birth if tehre was any greater risks involved. My midwife is more than happy to use it if needed (I personally would prefer not to however). That's neither here nor there anyway though since it's not available for baby&i.

I don't think it is case of not trusting one's OH - I think every woman gets anxious about birth and all the separate components that make it up. I too am worried how Neil will react but am pinning all my hopes on him just knowing instinctively how to help me when the time comes. We have our (one) antenatal class on Saturday so I'll see if he's still nonplussed by the whole thing then!

As you are having a homebirth you can have whoever and as many people as you want with you. Have you got a close friend that you think would be really good at the birth and support you and your husband? It might help if there is someone else so your OH doesn't feel like he is leaving you if he needs to nip to the toilet or something? How do you think he would feel about that?

I don't think Neil has a clue what he is in for - he's only seen births on tv (and even then normally in dramas so made up anyway!) and I think he thinks it's half an hour and then a bit messy!

 

[Baby&i]

Thanks hun.. i think we want it as intimate as possible, just OH and midwives. id love my mum to be there just because she was such a huge help last time, but OH feels it should just be him there so was probably secretly releived when i told him my mum couldnt make it. I think hes quite exited as time goes on he seems to get all smiley and cute when i mention its only this many days to go now ect. when i thought my waters may have gone the other week he was home in a second lol, just to laugh that i had peed myself the lovely things that babies do to you
i think it was just a nervous day and i was really missing my mum when i posted. is hard to know you wont see your family at xmas, it will be the first away from them and then the snow comes and it makes you feel crappy IYKWIM ? cant beleive it snuck up so fast! im so exited to meet my little one now cant wait to see how things will be on the day and how the breastfeeding will go to give her that first kiss and smell her ect. ats all very exiting but i think i may book us into a few classes just to see how things go.. he read my notes i gave to him i coppied off the internet and he seemed really interested xx

 

[Julie84]

I'm so pleased that you are sounding so much happier and positive.

I think your OH will be brilliant when it comes to it - I think we just just like to worry about stuff generally but he sounds fabulous.

 

[Baby&i]

Aw thanks hun, thats defo it too, were all just a bunch of worrying progos