
Now the most important person to me is Ivy she comes first in everything so I will take her to be weighed and have her check ups and everything that is necessary to her so no problems there....... But I just want them to bugger off and leave me alone now, I'm fed up of taking Pills, I'm fed up of getting told expressing my milk is bad (if I just said I was formula feeding they would leave me alone, if I was breast feeding they would leave me alone but because I express they keep pushing everything else!), I'm fed up of being poked and prodded and stabbed with needles.
And I ask what the pills are for eg-Iron and the only explanation is "oh your iron levels were low at the hospital and you look pale" (bare in mind when I left hospital they took me off Iron because the bloods showed I didn't need it...the midwife who I have never met before decided to due to the fact I'm not the colour of David Dickinson that I must be anemic and I looked too pale to be healthy!) I think I am fine I know my normal colour and if the only explanation is "because you need Iron" and not the reason WHAT I need it for then I don't know what the need is for it I want to know what having low iron will do....is it gonna kill me???!??
I feel absolutely 100% brilliant since the birth till now and now that I actually have a problem I really don't want to go and see them because Ive had enough of all of it. I know it wont be a simple tell them the problem they do what they need to to sort it and I go home and get better it will be a whole load of other questions and more poking and more blood taken and urine samples. I am a perfectly healthy 21 year old just because I look like death all the time doesn't make me ill! My Dad is ginger and fair so I got his skin and my Mum is Olive skinned and has extreamly dark hair and eyes put that together and you get a pasty skinned child with dark features. It DOES NOT mean I'm ill. Also just because I'm not spilling out a whole load of problems and I am enjoying being a mum DOES NOT mean that I am hiding something and that I'm deeply unhappy but not telling anyone. I'm a quiet and happy person(most of the time) just because I'm not outgoing or walking around with a grumpy head it doesn't mean I'm not telling them something. (I smile too much!!!!!! So must be because theres something wrong and I'm hiding behind a smile?!?)
When does all this end? I was kind of hopeing it would all be over soon as I left the hospital but it just seems to be going on and on now.
Sorry I'm just grouchy about all this now
