just stuff

[Rowesb]

I went back to work yesterday, it was strange, but ok, am beginning to wonder if I am in the right profession now though, I feel so badly treated through work problems and then the MC that I don't think that it is really what I started nursing for anymore... I may as well strike myself of the NMC cos they just don't seem to allow us to do what we trained to do...

I have been sorting out my letter of complaint this morning, it is a damn good letter (I haven't written it obviously), but I just have this gut feelig that it isn't enough to actually change things...

I'm still on a count dowm too...but am not really sure why, I should have been 17+1 on friday, my birthday, so starting to show and I was hoping to feel, that would have been the best birthday pressie ever

I wish my body would settle down too, am guessing the mc has more to do with temps being all over the place too, keep getting odd cramps and am oh so spotty (my skin feels like a slab of warm butter... not nice)

I wonder somedays how to keep going... on one hand I want to be able to move on and on the other I want to continue the complaint for as long as possible as it is all I have left of my pregnancy... DH said last night that he was proud of me, I just wonder how many times we have to hit rock bottom before getting a break

 

[Mervs Mum]

 

[Mamafy]

hope you're ok hun

 

[Sam's Mum]

Thinking of you x

 

[Rowesb]

am loosing the plot...
... DH suggested this morning that I go on the pill...

 

[Mamafy]

Oh hun, I'm sure not what you wanted to hear

How are you feeling? xx

 

[Rowesb]

surprisingly ok
Met a friend for lunch today, she mc a few months ago and I had heard that she had had a rough time through hers with the services in general, with a different trust, and then things got awkward and time slippied away as it does so today was the first chance for ages we had had to catch up... anywy good to chat, and she is 11 weeks pregnant...
I am really pleased for her and has filled me with renewed optimism, to the stage where I am tempted tonight to get DH to hide the BBT and opk's very well,
I have just got to work out how to pull myself together a bit better, as DH needs support too
...DH's reaction seem to be the same as my friends DH too, I know he is only worried for me, and just wants me back to being me... which I don't suppose will ever really happen, but I do need to get myself out of this rut... this morning I was thinking about anti depressents... but am not sure they will really work either, I just need to learn to not be so hard on myself... again, issues that have already been tackled with the counsellor, but am back there again...

 

[megsmeadow]

Hi Rowesb,
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through!! But remember, grieving isn't a straight line, somedays you will go back and go over the same things you thought you had dealt with. That's normal. You've been through such a lot and it's still so soon after the mc.

 

[Caitlyns Mummy x]

Rich wanted us to keep trying but didn't want to push me. Don't think he wanted to see me go through this again but to be honest I'm still going through it and probably will be for ages. It's hard isn't it, when you don't have a scan picture, or anything, to remind yourself that it even happened.

For me, anti-depressents are unnecessary. I've never taken them, for PND or SAD, so I'm not about to take them now. If you think they'll help you then speaking to a doctor wouldn't hurt at all x

 

[Rowesb]

It is the one thing that I did manage to get out of them, I asked them to go back on the system to see if it was there and it was, it is in my memory box, as u say, proof that this isn't just for nothing

I just wish I knew how to make things a bit easier... I desperately don't want to forget, but do soo desperately want to move on... I guess I just haven't found the middle ground yet...

Seeing my friend yesterday really lifted my spirits, which made me realise that I don't need antidepressents, as it is not a constant low, so will keep on talking, to u lot and the counsellor... I just hope u don't get fed up of me!

 

[mrsH2009]