Just had a missed miscarriage - Desperate for moral support :(

[Jules31]

I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage at my second scan last Friday when I was supposed to be 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I'm 31 and was pregnant for the first time. We went for the first scan when I was 9 weeks and 4 days. Everything was normal, the foetus had a strong heartbeat and was moving around a lot. There was so much energy happening in my belly. It measured 2,8 cm. We were so excited to go to the second scan as we thought we made the 3 most crucial months. As soon as I saw the foetus on the screen I knew there was something wrong. There was no movement at all, I didn't hear a heartbeat and It only measured 2,9 cm which means it probably died on the same day of my first scan or the day after. I was and I'm still absolutely devastated. I had a D&C on the same day and I just feel so empty and sad. We have brought the foetus to a laboratory immediately after my D&C to understand what happened. I've got so many questions and worries..... Is there a genetic problem with me? Will I be able to get pregnant again? And how soon? And if I get pregnant again I don't want to freak out and enjoy my pregnancy which will be so hard after what I've experienced. What's the risk of having a recurrent miscarriage? I see different figures on the internet everywhere. My doctor said I still have the same risk at my second pregnancy which is 30% (I never realised there was so much risk!), some research papers say that the risk will decrease as my body is now more prepared for pregnancy and others say it will increase. I'm really lost. I've been on quite a few forums to see what other women have experienced, to understand the causes and to discover how the future looks like and it seems that many women have experienced a missed miscarriage whilst research mentions only 1% missed miscarriages. Is there anyone here who has had a successful pregnancy afterwards? And if so, did you need a treatment for it? Did you find out what happened? Apologies for all my questions, but I see and hear so many figures that I'm feeling even worse as there doesn't seem to be a clear answer. I need to work on being positive again but it's very hard because it's still so fresh on my mind. Physically I'm ok I think but I'm a mental wreck.... Thank you for your reactions and I hope that everyone who had a miscarriage has had successful pregnancies afterwards x

 

[Lou1103]

Hi hun,
I had a missed miscarriage and remember seeing the screen and just knowing. It must be awful to see a lovely heart beat and then none at all, you must be devastated.

You are more fertile after a miscarriage and just because it has happened once,
It doesn't mean that it will again. Please be careful when reading things online, it can lead to more confusion. I'm pleased that your baby is having tests, hopefully you will get some answers.

Thinking of you, take care of yourself xxxx

 

[SandyR]

This is the first time I have ever posted but when I read your post I felt I needed to reply to you.

I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. We went to the scan and found no heatbeat but the baby was the size and perfect for a 12 week old fetus so had only just died. I struggled for ages as I could not understand how my baby could get that far and then just die right before the scan.

I do bring hope though. I now have a beautiful baby boy of 4 months old and had a very easy pregnancy with him. It was hard and every scan I was panicked and a mess but he was born perfect.

Take time to grieve. As everyone says these things do happen and it does not mean that something is wrong with your body. I have 2 other children born before my missed misscarage
And believed my body just couldn't carry babies anymore but I was wrong.

 

[lisey]

I am so sorry you are going through this horrible time. I too had a missed miscarriage last year and it does fill you with confusion, worry and anxiety.
I know its hard but google won't be helping you to feel any better. There are no real answers, nobody can predict what will happen but the chances are your next pregnancy will be just fine. I was told after one miscarriage, your chances of a further miscarriage are no different to somebody who hasn't had one. Take care of yourself hun xx

 

[Jules31]

Thank you Lou and Sandy for your advice, it really helps me. Sometimes I keep blaming myself e.g. for having sushi and wine the night before I found out I was pregnant, for taking 2 long-haul flights, for stressing about work, for having a few coffees during my pregnancy,.... I know I can't blame myself and it probably was natural selection but I have decided to make changes in my life. I don't need stress and I am currently reorganising my workload and decided once and for all to have a healthier lifestyle.

Lou, did you get pregnant after your mmc? And if so, how long did it take you?

Sandy, I'm so happy for you that you had a good pregnancy after your bad experience. It doesn't take the pain away but it gives me hope.

It's the first time I'm posting something on a forum. I never did this before but in these circumstances I do believe we can support each other.

 

[Lou1103]

I might not be the right person to ask hun. I got pregnant the cycle after my mmc but had a chemical mc. There are ladies on here that got pregnant very soon after they had a mc (the Ovulation just after and before a period) and went to full term with no issues. Everyone is different and as lisey says your chances of having another are no different from someone who hasn't had one.

Please don't blame yourself, these things happen (trust me i don't mean that as a throwaway comment). Sometimes there is no reason at all and to blame yourself will just bring fear and stress and nothing positive will come from it xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

Jules what a heartbreaking time it is for you just now. I'm now nearly seven weeks on from my missed miscarriage but I found out at my twenty week scan that our little girl had died nearer 17-18 mark. It's just devastating isn't it. What I would say is you might not get any answers. We have opted for a post mortem too but we are fully prepared that it's not too often they find a clear cause.
We're on our first cycle ttc again, you'll know when the time is right for you. You are not to blame though, if there is a cause it'll likely be something outwith your control. Stick around, ask lots and we'll all get through this together!

 

[laurat]

Really sorry for your loss! I had a natural
MC so no specific advice with regards to it but all I say is take time ro grieve. Spend time with you and your oh. Xxxx

 

[Hopeful75]

Hi Jules.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing with my first pregnancy, so I understand just how devastated you feel. I too went through the whole guilt thing, believing that if I hadn't had caffeine or work had been less stressful my baby would have survived. You just need to try and convince yourself that you did nothing wrong, that baby just wasn't meant to join you and went straight to heaven instead. Take the time to grieve before trying again.
Unfortunately I don't have the heartening stories of a successful pregnancy, but I have just got a fourth bfp, so here's hoping.
I've not been on here long either, but I can assure you that everyone is really supportive and it helps to realise that you are not alone.

 

[Emmajaine]

So sorry to hear of your loss, try and be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve. Thinking of you and your family. Xx

 

[Eryinera]

My doctor said I still have the same risk at my second pregnancy which is 30% (I never realised there was so much risk!), some research papers say that the risk will decrease as my body is now more prepared for pregnancy and others say it will increase. I'm really lost. I've been on quite a few forums to see what other women have experienced, to understand the causes and to discover how the future looks like and it seems that many women have experienced a missed miscarriage whilst research mentions only 1% missed miscarriages.

One thing to bare in mind as implied by a few of the other posters is that although there is a small chance of people mc later on at the same stage as you (or misssed MC), those are the people that will be posting on forums and writing about their stories looking for moral support. The ones that went normally probably won't be on forums and posting on other sites so don't worry that it seems to be unusually high.

Be positive hun. I don't think that it will affect your next pregnancy at all unless they find something back in the tests which is again unlikely but if they do find something then at least you may get some answers and help next time.

 

[Cherrybelly]

I had an early MC last February, got pregnant again three months later only to have a MMC at 11 weeks. Mine was slightly different in the fact that I never had an early scan. My baby actually stopped developing at 5/6 weeks but my stupid body didn't let on and I carried on with all the symptoms until I had very light bleeding at 11 weeks. I went to the drs and was told it'd all be ok but due to the last MC (and the fact that I was sobbing) they referred me for a scan. I was devastated when I found out and miscarried naturally a couple of days later. At my follow up appointment at the hospital the consultant told me every pregnancy has a one in three chance of MC and just cos I'd had two losses, my risks weren't any higher. I got pregnant again four weeks later and am now 21 weeks preg with a baby girl. I was terrified at the beginning cos I felt I couldn't trust my symptoms so paid for an early scan. There is hope after a MMC, it's a terribly cruel thing but you just have to keep trying xxxx

 

[Jules31]

Thank you all so much for your support and personal stories - it really helps me. Lots of love to all of you and hopefully I'll be posting more positive stories in the (near) future x

 

[Leo]

Hi Jules
I just wanted to say I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a mmc just 4 weeks ago and the feelings and emotions of true heartbreak are hard to describe to someone who has not experienced it. I also had an early scan at 8 weeks and found out at 10 weeks of the mmc and had to have an erpc. It has been the hardest thing I have had to go through but as the days have gone on I am getting stronger. The doctors have all told me that you are no more risk of another miscarriage than the next person, unless you have 3 miscarriages they do not do anymore investigation.
Although they say you can go on to have a very successful pregnancy it does not make it easy for us who have gone through it not to worry! The one thing I am holding onto is the chance of getting pregnant again quickly as you are more fertile. I am waiting on one cycle before TTC again.
I too am new to the site and it has helped me hearing of other people's stories and they are all very supportive.

 

[redbear]

My friend had two healthy boys, then three miscarriages, the last one I was pregnant with my first and we where only a week apart, she went for twelve week scan and the baby had died at 8 week (very hard for me because I worked with her partner and he basically saw me every day with my bump and went through a few weeks of not been himself). But a while later she conceived again and had a healthy little girl. Hugs xx

 

[Cazzie11]

I'm so sorry, I had a mmc in October and found out at my 12 scan. I didn't have an early scan so never had the joy of seeing a heart beat, probably better I didn't. You will get through this, it's the most cruel early mc thing there is as your hopes are built up and you have no idea anything is wrong. This site really helped me and we are all here for you. Fast forward 3 months and I'm waiting nervously to do a test to see if I'm pregnant again so you will get back to normal, but it will take time xx

 

[Jules31]

Thank you for your sweet message Cazzie. I wish you all the luck in the world for your next pregnancy to big a big success. Have a lovely weekend x

 

[jensig]

I'm so sorry for your loss. How very sad. The rates of miscarriage are really distressingly high early in pregnancy, so please don't think that it was somehow your fault. It totally was not. I hope that you go on to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, though I'm sure that you will have some worries when you do. We all do! While you're waiting for that happy result, take care.

 

[Louandtwins]

Hi Jules,

I had a MMC at 11+4 with my first baby having seen a healthy heartbeat at 9w. I had a feeling something was wrong as my symptoms vanished, my boobs shrank and my waist returned - it was confirmed a week later at the scan. Tests were carried out (lived in Greece at the time and this is rountine) which concluded that the baby just wasn't viable - a very common reason for miscarriage.

I was totally devastated but found it helped to think that the baby just hadn't be able to grow any further and ran out of development moves....hard to explain but a bit like stalemate in chess.

Anyway, I missed one cycle and was pregnant the next with my now 8yr old daughter. No problems until 33 weeks when she came early (no connection whatsoever with previous miscarriage!). A year later I had my son - also no complications and born full term.

Last year I had another mmc under almost identical circumstances - healthy heartbeat at 9wks, loss of symptoms at 11wks, loss confirmed at 12wks. This time I decided never to get pregnant ever again!!!

Except....a year to the day I discovered I was pregnant with the baby I lost, I discovered I was pregnant again. Ooops!!! I am now 27+2 with twins but I spent the first 12 wks chewing my nails to the bone with terror that the same thing would happen again!

My two mmc were with two different partners - my ex husband and my now partner of 3 yrs. One Dr I spoke to said it wasn't uncommon for the first pregnancy with a partner to go wrong - something like a 'practice run', although I have no evidence of this. What I do know is that in both situations my subsequent pregnancies were trouble free, one straight after a loss and one a year later.

Apologies for the huge reply, I guess I just wanted you to see there isn't a right or wrong answer - see when you feel ready -, that it isn't anything you did and that there may be no explanation but this doesn't mean it will happen again.

I wish you all the luck in the world, Louise xx

 

[Jules31]

Hi Louise,

Thank you for your reaction.

It's great to read your story and it really gives me hope for what will come next.

If I know the baby would not have been able to live in the real world I suppose that's how it's meant to be then. I'm feeling slightly better than last week, I think I cried all my tears out now and it also helps my husband has always been someone strong mentally and he's also extremely optimistic whatever happens.

I'm so happy for you that you had successful pregnancies after your mmcs. And how exciting it is to read that you're pregnant with twins!

Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy!! You'll have your arms around your little ones before you know it xx