Glad to see you have a such a positive outlook on your pregnancy.
Oh Bexter - I wish I did have such a positive outlook! I thought I did until Monday night, when I went to visit my cousin in hospital where she'd just given birth earlier that day to a gorgeous little girl. I was there, holding the baby, and a feeling of terror started to grip me. My cousin was in a room of her own (luckily) and there were far too many of us visitors there - 14 of us!!! I remember feeling terribly claustrophobic and, as I held the baby, I panicked at how small she was (she weighed more than my own daughter did when she was born) and how still she was in my arms. Everyone then asked how I was - it took a few seconds to register that they were asking me because I'm pregnant. I left after a few minutes, thinking, "Oh God, I can't do this!"
It was all I could think about for the rest of the night. That tiny baby, all those people...I had my first two in England and I left hospital a few hours after each birth, so I had no family members visit me. Back home, I could let the housework slip and not care, because there'd be no unexpected visitors. This time, my huge extended family (the same as my cousin's) will all want to come and see the baby, at the hospital and at home.
As well as the thought of that, my b/f and I aren't getting on. He can't cope with me being slightly ratty now without shouting and screaming back at me, so I dread what he'll be like when I'm hormonal and shattered looking after a newborn.
This week, I feel like I want to run away. I really wanted another child, but the reality is hitting home and I'm having second thoughts. I feel like I don't want to be pregnant and I don't know how I'll cope with a tiny baby again...sorry for having a moan. Maybe it's just a wobble. If it wasn't for this site, I'd just forget I was pregnant in the hope that it'll all go away. But then, I don't really want not to be pregnant either (is this hormones?). Ach, I just worry about anything and nothing, it's my nature.
But thank you.
xxx