Its happening again!

[BeccaH1]

Hi Ladies

i'm new to this forum and just need to share my current feelings etc. At the end of January, after a good scan with a heartbeat, i miscarried at just over 6 weeks.

I was 'lucky' in that is was natural and bleeding stopped within a week, but the pain was unbearable for the first few days. I had a horrible experience with doctors, including being laughed out of a&e and told to go home with some codeine when i first thought something was amiss.

Just over a week ago i started getting positive hpts and after a blood test and scan confirmed i was 5 and half weeks. I never felt any initial joy just apprehension and fear. i had three successive blood tests and was told my hcg was rising but not doubling. Have a scan booked in for next week but was told 'be prepared for no heartbeat'. Brown spotting has turned to red blood and although its not pouring out and i have no cramps i know whats happening.

Luckily i had booked a week off work from today as i knew the run up to the scan would be stressful even before the bleeding started. I have also just found out that my brother's girlfriend is expecting and is at the same stage i would have been with my first.

I feel so alone and like i am being punished. I am literally waiting for the inevitable to happen. This hasnt felt like a pregnancy, just a waiting game and I'm feeling incredibly let down by all the health professionals I've dealt with. I also have no idea whether i should inform work... i think not as they may hold it against me if they think i am planning a family.

I feel like such a failure and i dont know how to cope with my brother's gf's pregnancy and the fuss that will surround that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Heath1]

So sorry to hear this, I had two miscarriages last year one in May and another at the end of July, we had been trying for 8 years to get pregnant, we are on the trying again cycle emotionally it is so draining but I am determined to keep trying I am 40 this year so I really feel like time is running away with me, are you able to speak to someone about how you are feeling, you must not feel like a failure, you must tell work I was off work for 4 weeks when I miscarried I was an emotional wreck, but as time went on I felt stronger and stronger, it will get easier I promise. I have not used them but my EPU gave me the number for the miscarriage association they are apparently very good, perhaps give them a try. Thinking of you.

 

[BeccaH1]

Thanks for your reply hun. Sorry to hear about what you have been and are going through.

I think I'm feeling worse at the moment because I'm just waiting for the worst to occur. I'm seeing my BF tomorrow and will at least be able to talk to her about how I'm feeling, which should help.

Work is a real worry for me. I think that if they know I'm hoping to be a mum they will find a way to get me out. Its an old fashioned view but one which is still rife in my industry (financial services). Maybe i will just have to take my chances.

Wishing you luck xx

 

[flisstebbs]

Hi Becca
Sorry your in this horrible horrible place. I'm now 5 weeks with my 5th pregnancy having lost the first 4 in a variety of ways from 6-12 weeks. My local EPU has been wonderful through it all.

I suspect they won't do any tests for you after 2 (they did them for me after 3), but in most cases everything comes back ok anyway. It might be worth talking to you dr about trying baby aspirin and progesterone suppositories though for next time round. Both these treatments are very "safe" and I'm convinced this made me concieve quickly and this pregnancy already feels different - I haven't had any spotting for one thing (in all 4 previous pregnancies had spotting from 12dpo).

There is a really good website called the miscarriage association which shows all the trial data for various things including diet, caffiene, supplements as well as medicines so you can optimise your chances.

I work in a high pressure professional environment, and have always told my colleagues and been overwhelmed by their support. This has meant i have the confidence to go back quickly ( I can't bear to be at home thinking about things afterwards).

 

[BeccaH1]

Thanks Flisstebbs.

When i have my confirmation blood test at epu last week she said my progesterone was lower than they would like. So I did some reading up on supplements etc. When i went for second test and scan i had a different doctor who was very dismissive about the progesterone and told me not to focus on it 'because there's nothing you can do about that anyway'. I mentioned supplements and was told 'we dont do that in the UK unless your on IVF'.

Reading i have done since suggests it depends on where you live and your own doctor's views. My thoughts are that after this one i am going to push my doctor on the matter. I am 33 and my mother had very early menopause at 40 so I wonder if i may have a progesterone issue. I certainly wont accept that they will not do anything for me after this second one!

What you've said has been very useful thank you & I hope everything goes well for you this time x

 

[Heath1]

Becca

Thanks for your reply, try and keep strong, I agree with flisstebbs my EPU unit was very good aswell perhaps have a chat with the nurses on the unit, I know its difficult at the moment because you are in that horrible just waiting time, make sure you get plenty of rest look after yourself try and not bottle things up have a good heart to heart with your bf.
Thinking of you.

 

[nbrintz]

I'm so so sorry u are having to go through this it's heartbreaking however early you are take care and I really hope things take a turnaround for you an u get a lovely supprise outcome x

 

[flisstebbs]

Thanks Flisstebbs.

When i have my confirmation blood test at epu last week she said my progesterone was lower than they would like. So I did some reading up on supplements etc. When i went for second test and scan i had a different doctor who was very dismissive about the progesterone and told me not to focus on it 'because there's nothing you can do about that anyway'. I mentioned supplements and was told 'we dont do that in the UK unless your on IVF'.

Reading i have done since suggests it depends on where you live and your own doctor's views. My thoughts are that after this one i am going to push my doctor on the matter. I am 33 and my mother had very early menopause at 40 so I wonder if i may have a progesterone issue. I certainly wont accept that they will not do anything for me after this second one!

What you've said has been very useful thank you & I hope everything goes well for you this time x

I'm surprised the dr was so dismissive. Check out http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD003511.pub2/pdf/standard Its a bit of a tome, but essentially it says that when they combine all the trial data on this (this is the most powerful way of looking at evidence), there is clear benefit to using progesterone in women with RMC (but not to the general population). I really hope that wasn't a consultant giving you that advice. It may be worth going to see a female gp or trying to talk to someone else at the epu about it. There is NO evidence of this treatment causing harm.

 

[BeccaH1]

Thank you so much for this. I shall I have a good read through

I have a female GP at my surgery so plan to have a talk with her once I'm through the next few days (everything happened this morning). However, both of the epu doctor's were female and the one who was completely dismissive of the progesterone angle (and wouldnt even tell me my past and current counts) apparently had wide experience with miscarriage patients. Shocking really.

If I don't feel like I am progressing matters with my own doctor then I may look for natural supplements or arrange a private consult. Everything I have read suggests the natural supplements should do no harm at all. At least I have that to focus on.

 

[sunnyland27]

Hi Becca- Don't let the medical staff make you feel like that. You dont deserve it. What else have they done/said? Theyve made me feel like an idiot about 10 times now and it makes me so depressed whenever it happens. Im trying to find a good gp at the moment so i dont feel like Im going to get patronised and laughed at next time. It's your body and you know best, and theyre only interested in their money and targets.
It's ridiculous that they only give u supplements if ur getting ivf. They'd save huge amounts of money on ivf if they tried everything to help women conceive naturally first!

Im sure you will get through this stress and be an even stronger, better mother as a result. Keep us updated xx

 

[sunnyland27]

Ps. Put in a complaint about the woman who wouldn't give u your counts. You're entitled to that information!!!