ok I know I havnt been on in ages, sorry not been too active on forums and such like..too addictive!
Anyways my query for your moms comes is as follows.
When Jakob was a teeny baby he used to be terrible at going to bed I tried everything but he just wanted to sleep with me and alan, or we had to rock him off to sleep till like 11pm then try and put him in his cot! it was a nightmare we had no time to ourselves and by the time he was asleep we would be shattered, and sometimes not even have time for dinner. Then I decided to try the 10 minute controlled crying routine, no I never agreed or liked controlled crying, and using the 10 minute one wasnt CC as such but I had tried everything to no avail and i mean everything...which a good friend helped me very much with....where I would put him in his room and if he cried I would leave him, then check on him after 10 minutes just so he knew I was still around, give him his dummy back etc if he had dropped it....this was murder for me, listening to him cry blue murder cause 10 minutes seems like a lifetime when they are so upset...it was so upsetting for me but if I got him into a habit of going to bed late and sleeping with us that young it would be making a rod for my own back! but after just a few days it started only taking 30 minutes to go to sleep, and this kept going down untill about a week and a half-2 weeks later no crying whatsoever, he would go into his own bed, content as anything and go to sleep at 7pm, and sleep right through.
Now me and Alan have been split up for a while, and live in separate houses now and while I have my 7 oclock bedtime routine that jakob has had since he was tiny, Alan has been putting him to bed between 8-9 sometimes putting him straight into bed with him...or putting him in his own bed and if he gets up a couple of times or cries a little bit lets him stay up longer or takes him into bed with him..regardless of me asking him not to do this.
Needless to say the inevitable has now happened and all my hard work back then has gone down the drain....Jakob was put to bed at 7 tonight its now 21:15 he is still awake, and crawling out of his bed, upset because he wants to get into my bed. I am constantly going in there, cuddling him and he is ok then as soon as i put him in bed its screaming blue murder again. if I put him into my bed then yes he wont be upset anymore tonight....but he will think ah ok i cry i get my own way, and then tomorrow, the night after and the night after he will be upset and screaming again till he gets his own way.
Now I spoke to Alan about this earlier, I said it has to stop, he is reversing the routine I have implemented since he was tiny he said he dosnt agree with my routine and basically that he will look after Jakob how he wishes when its his days with him!...if jakob could stay up all night and play he would...when I put him to bed at 7 he realized it was bedtime and went to sleep happily! He thinks that I am being out of order and dictating how he should look after jakob...but he used to work all the time till jakob was like 1 and a half and i'm the one that was there to set his routine and work my arse off trying to get him into the great sleep routine he was in. I have spent the last 6 years working with children, I know what happens when you let a child sleep in your bed every night, they wont ever want to sleep in their own bed.
So my question is am I being unreasonable asking him to stick to the routine jakob has always had. and do you think that a good stable routine is important, allowing changes in the day of course but his bedtime/naptime routine? (the naptime routine has also been shattered!). and he dosnt like to go down for a nap on his own either..which means i cant get on with housework etc when he used to go down for a nap fine
more than that its killing me to see him so upset again....and its making me upset...which dosnt help when alan turns around and says "you sure your not just upset cause you wanna watch tele or invite friends over or sit on the internet"!!!! wtf...no im upset cause jakob is crying blue murder for something he used to do fine and happily and he is being upset unnecessarily.
anyways am i being out of order asking him to stick to this?
cheers for reading my novel/rant i just know you guys are the best people to ask about this stuff.
cas xx
Anyways my query for your moms comes is as follows.
When Jakob was a teeny baby he used to be terrible at going to bed I tried everything but he just wanted to sleep with me and alan, or we had to rock him off to sleep till like 11pm then try and put him in his cot! it was a nightmare we had no time to ourselves and by the time he was asleep we would be shattered, and sometimes not even have time for dinner. Then I decided to try the 10 minute controlled crying routine, no I never agreed or liked controlled crying, and using the 10 minute one wasnt CC as such but I had tried everything to no avail and i mean everything...which a good friend helped me very much with....where I would put him in his room and if he cried I would leave him, then check on him after 10 minutes just so he knew I was still around, give him his dummy back etc if he had dropped it....this was murder for me, listening to him cry blue murder cause 10 minutes seems like a lifetime when they are so upset...it was so upsetting for me but if I got him into a habit of going to bed late and sleeping with us that young it would be making a rod for my own back! but after just a few days it started only taking 30 minutes to go to sleep, and this kept going down untill about a week and a half-2 weeks later no crying whatsoever, he would go into his own bed, content as anything and go to sleep at 7pm, and sleep right through.
Now me and Alan have been split up for a while, and live in separate houses now and while I have my 7 oclock bedtime routine that jakob has had since he was tiny, Alan has been putting him to bed between 8-9 sometimes putting him straight into bed with him...or putting him in his own bed and if he gets up a couple of times or cries a little bit lets him stay up longer or takes him into bed with him..regardless of me asking him not to do this.
Needless to say the inevitable has now happened and all my hard work back then has gone down the drain....Jakob was put to bed at 7 tonight its now 21:15 he is still awake, and crawling out of his bed, upset because he wants to get into my bed. I am constantly going in there, cuddling him and he is ok then as soon as i put him in bed its screaming blue murder again. if I put him into my bed then yes he wont be upset anymore tonight....but he will think ah ok i cry i get my own way, and then tomorrow, the night after and the night after he will be upset and screaming again till he gets his own way.
Now I spoke to Alan about this earlier, I said it has to stop, he is reversing the routine I have implemented since he was tiny he said he dosnt agree with my routine and basically that he will look after Jakob how he wishes when its his days with him!...if jakob could stay up all night and play he would...when I put him to bed at 7 he realized it was bedtime and went to sleep happily! He thinks that I am being out of order and dictating how he should look after jakob...but he used to work all the time till jakob was like 1 and a half and i'm the one that was there to set his routine and work my arse off trying to get him into the great sleep routine he was in. I have spent the last 6 years working with children, I know what happens when you let a child sleep in your bed every night, they wont ever want to sleep in their own bed.
So my question is am I being unreasonable asking him to stick to the routine jakob has always had. and do you think that a good stable routine is important, allowing changes in the day of course but his bedtime/naptime routine? (the naptime routine has also been shattered!). and he dosnt like to go down for a nap on his own either..which means i cant get on with housework etc when he used to go down for a nap fine
more than that its killing me to see him so upset again....and its making me upset...which dosnt help when alan turns around and says "you sure your not just upset cause you wanna watch tele or invite friends over or sit on the internet"!!!! wtf...no im upset cause jakob is crying blue murder for something he used to do fine and happily and he is being upset unnecessarily. anyways am i being out of order asking him to stick to this?
cheers for reading my novel/rant i just know you guys are the best people to ask about this stuff.
cas xx
