is this hormonal or something else?

[HelenJ]

Hi ladies,

when my husband and I decided to try for another baby and I was so happy when I saw the BFP on the pregnancy test. But now I am feeling completely different.

Last time when I was pregnant I really felt there was a ' connection' between the baby and me from the beginning. I was such a relaxed person and it felt so special.

Now I am only 5.5 weeks and already tripping by the idea that I have to go through labour and birth again. I wasn't scared before but since I had an enormous traumatic birth experience and several really bad weeks afterwards I am now not so happy. I am scared it will go the same and I feel like it was my fault.

I don't if I am just feeling this way because of the hormones playing parts in the first trimester but I am really struggling and feel very insecure. I am just so super down. My husband doesn't understand me at the moment because he thought I would be happy and he wants some attention too, but I am just not able to do that.

I keep getting stressed out and am really scared maybe this pregnancy will go wrong because of the pervious experience. I would like it to feel special again but at the moment it doesnt.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by this but I just feel so miserable, alone and misunderstood. (and also very very very very tired hehe).

Thank you so much for listening (well reading this actually)

 

[Sammiet]

Its natural to worry and panic over something so life changing. I was really confident with my other pregnancies and births. I do not know how I did it. Complete opposite this time.

As you had a traumatic experience of course its going to play on your mind but I cannot see how anything to do with giving birth can be blamed on the mother. Probably the one major time in our lives that we cannot control everything.

From my experience of having 4 previously, each time was different and nothing could fully prepare me for the events of labour day.

Probably a good idea to have a chat with your midwife about this and she will advise you on the technicalities. If you had a rough time before they are aware and will be on top of it. Im sure.

Its a long long way away, try not to feel too down.

 

[KatieB]

Hi hun, I can sympathise with you but in a different way. I felt robbed of chance to have natural birth with my first and had to have emergency c section at 33 weeks. I'm desperate to be 'allowed' to try for natural birth but it's not looking likely. I keep comparing this pg to my one with my son and getting narked about the whole c section thing, even though it miles away. I think with your first it's all a new experience, you hear the horror stories but somehow block them out and have a picture of how lovely and special it will all be. Unfortunately basing opinions on past experiences is part of human nature and no matter how hard you try not to some element of being in this situation ie being pregnant will make you think and replay past experiences. I keep trying to tell myself the only similarity is the being pregnant bit, history does not always repeat. As for not bonding it's still way early days, apart from a line on a stick what else is there to show you're pregnant? Give it time hun, I'm sure once bump appears and you feel the wiggled and kicks there'll be plenty of time for bonding. My son spent first 5 days in intensive care and we could only touch him through incubator holes, I felt so sad that a bond was missing but within months it was there and now 7 years on he is the closest person to me. Don't be hard on yourself, your hormones are to blame! Take care x x

 

[HelenJ]

Its natural to worry and panic over something so life changing. I was really confident with my other pregnancies and births. I do not know how I did it. Complete opposite this time.

As you had a traumatic experience of course its going to play on your mind but I cannot see how anything to do with giving birth can be blamed on the mother. Probably the one major time in our lives that we cannot control everything.

From my experience of having 4 previously, each time was different and nothing could fully prepare me for the events of labour day.

Probably a good idea to have a chat with your midwife about this and she will advise you on the technicalities. If you had a rough time before they are aware and will be on top of it. Im sure.

Its a long long way away, try not to feel too down.

thank you so much for your reply Makes me feel a lot better.

I have an appointment (intake) with a midwife in two weeks from now , but she is a what we call 'regular' midwife over here. She is not into alternative medicine etc etc.

Last time I had a midwive who was ' alternative' and I had to go to the hospital in the end since my cervix was swollen on one side and the baby couldn't get out.

When I came there they gave me an IV, I said I don't want that and they totally ignored me. I also said I didn't want to have an episiotomy and no drugs to get more contraction and when I said that they did it anyway.

I said I didn't want to cut the umibillical cord right away and they did. They said that had to check the baby and would be back in a few minutes and I didn't see my baby for over 2 hours, I was so in shock and feel really abused in the situation I was.

I was very anti hospital and this was my biggest fear and it became reality. I feel it is my fault for not threatened them to death and not only saying I don't want this but I had to say, you WIL NOT DO THIS , or the consequencies will be severe.

I am a bit uncertain how my ' new' midwife will react since many people (where I live) say doctors do anything in your best interest and I don't agree on that. I think the one who is having the baby, if she says no they are not allowed to do several things.

I am still stunned by the fact it all went this way and have thought about it many many times to try and make a complaint and perhaps more out of this, but since the hospital (where I live) is always 'right' it will make it even harder for me to try and pull something like that off.

Now I want to tell my new midwife what happened and that I do not want to go to the hospital only with the reason I would die or the baby would nothing else. I also want to tell her that I am going to write down what they can and cannot do and I won't go and lie down at the hospital giving birth unless they sign this (if a homebirth for some reason is again not possible).

I am unsure if she will agree because it really does sound quite agressive, but I am proctecting myself and my unborn baby. I feel bad that I didn't d this last time and really hope she (the midwive) will react positevely to this.

I still have to think about how I could tell her how I feel without making her scared that I am some kind of freak hehe.

 

[JJ Mum]

I am sorry you feel so down Helen, well done and thank you for sharing your birth story with us.
I understand you may be worried that things will happen the same again, but it is just more worrying at thie stage of pregnancy rather than just exciting as you know the other end of the process, which you wouldn't have done last time with your first. Knowing what happens or can happen is also a good thing, as less scary if it does.

I would be really honest and say to your new midwife that you are worried, and you felt you had no control last time, and that you don't want to repeat that birth experiance, and ask her for her thoughts and help on writing a achieveable birth plan, where there is room for assistance , (that you are ok with) if needs be, and yet still acheiving the things you want to happen. I'm sure if you are quite honest and tell her how down you have been feeling with this worry, she will understand and fully support you , remember this is a fresh page and new pregnancy, there is no reason to feel that these things will happen again. By working out what will happen in your biorth plan in the case of several events that could happen, you still control the birth and will be forearmed if you like and expectations set on both sides.

Hope you feel happier soon, you really can enjoy this one too.