Is there something wrong with me???

[Foxxi]

Hi everyone! i've been lurking in the background for a while now..even when ttc..but have never written anything and have found this forum very helpful..hence why im asking everyones advice!!

I've always said that i never want children..however, i met my husband 4 years ago and my priorities slowly changed. We're both 31....we married 6 months ago and decided then that the time was right to start to try for a family. I've just found out that i'm pregnant on saturday gone..im 5 weeks now..now this is where your advice is desparately needed.

Why dont i feel excited?? my husband is estatic... he will make a great father.. i just cant help but think there is something wrong with me, i really thought i would share in his excitement, but at the minute i dont.. im really hoping this will change... i cant help at the minute feeling teary and unsure if this is for me!! I know its too late for a change of mind.. but i just really want to feel the excitement.. i bought a baby name book in hope that this would spur me on a bit... but no change in how im feeling!! Is this normal... or am i just being stupid..and need to shake myself out of it???

Sorry if this has been a bit long winded.. but all advice would be welcome!

 

[valentine]

Hi clasper,

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

This is not an unusual feeling at all - at least not for me. I wasn't trying to conceive as it wasn't really the right time for us (I would've rather lost 6 stone and paid off some debts first!) but have always wanted a big family so had always imagined that I would be delighted however and whenever it happened. However, I just felt stunned and I still have to remind myself that I'm pregnant every single day (not that I forget, I just can't bring myself to believe it).

It's so weird - does it feel to you like it's a bit unreal just now? Well it still feels like that to me and I'm 16 weeks! People say 'congratulations' and ask 101 questions and I still don't know how to answer them. I think it's just that I can't believe that my cr*ppy body (which I've always hated) can do something so amazing and that I am special enough to be blessed with a baby (I've not got very high self esteem). I hope that makes sense.

I am also terrified that someone will suddenly turn round and say, there's no baby there despite hearing the heartbeat with the midwife twice this week and a scan with a living baby at 12 weeks.

Sometimes I get the odd super excited feeling of OMG, but most of the time I'm just trying to get to the next day or the next milestone without anything going wrong. I think I'm so scared to get too excited in case something goes wrong or something is wrong wtih the baby or the birth. I know that sounds really pessimistic, but I honestly would rather NOT feel like this and be over excited and planning the nursery etc, but I just don't seem to be able to.

There's certainly been posts like yours in the past too - even if people are desperate to conceive and have been trying for years, there's a moment/few days when they have got their BFP and there's no going back. It's a really scary prospect - you have to deal with what is happening to you.

I hope that this doesn't depress you - and I didn't mean to write so much, but I've written it so I'll post it. I don't know if it'll help you, but if you click on the link in my signature then you can read my pregnancy diary, kept online from about 5 weeks pregnant and hopefully you might relate to some of the feelings in there and know that you are definitely not alone.
Lots of love

Valentine xxx

 

[Bodkin]

There's nothing wrong with the way you are feeling.

It's very different for you (actually carrying the baby) than it is for your husband. There's a great feeling of responsibility on the mother's shoulders and that can be hard to deal with. Also, there's the constant worry that everything will go to plan. And if that wasn't enough, at this stage of pregnancy, you have no bump, you may not have any symptoms yet and it's very hard to believe that it's all real.

And let's face it, the first few months of pregnancy are a bit crap! Everyone else is excited but all you can think about is trying to keep your meals down!

Just try not to worry about how you feel, talk to someone close to you if that helps. But remember that there's no right way to feel, everyone copes with it differently.

I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy. The excitement will come - just go with your instincts.

B xx

 

[pigletpoo]

Hey there,

You are not alone in your feelings at all. I had always said i never ever wanted kids. I even had rows and split up wth my OH a couple of years ago because of it, and my family used to try and fix me up with divorced men who already had kids! the cheek!

But when I fell PG last year, and the miscarried, I realised how awful it was to lose something that was part of me, and then I was determined I would be a mother. But even now i still wonder what on earth I am doing. Even last night i sat crying talking to my mom because I just don't know what on earth I am doing. The whole pregnancy thing freaks me out to be honest, and I don't like babies. (that sounds awful) but what i mean is i like children who you can have fun with - I work with kids - but I can't imagine being all soft over a baby.

I am lucky in that my mother understands completely my feelings, and she has said she will and my older sister (who both love babies) will help as much as possible when I have my little one.
(My OH has now left me too, and although we are trying to work things out it does not look hopeful)

I hope i don't sound like a complete monster, I am not. But I do know how you feel. I spend most of my time pretending to be sooo excited, when deep down I am thinking " Waht on earth am i doing?"

But I also know i would be absolutely devistated if anything bad happened!

Piglet xx

 

[Foxxi]

Valentine, Bodkin, Pigletpoo.............. Many thanx for your replys.... I do feel slightly better.. if not more teary in reading your responses (im just an emotional wreck). im normally quite a strong character.. not now, lol!

Im just glad (now this sounds awful) that im not the only one that feels or has felt like this!! Valentine..ty for your pregnant diary..I'll read it tonight ..when im on my own..!

I have just spoken to my husband how i'm feeling (he doesnt really say much) he seems to think that i'l change how im feeling when i get a bump.. which hopefully he's right. I have'nt really spoke to him about it before now because i havent wanted to take his excitement away.

Everything that you have all wrote makes sense .. and is exactly how im feeling.. Lets just hope these feelings pass soon.. so I can start and get excited like everyone else!!! I will try and go with my instincts..maybe im just worrying too much about how i feel!!

Many thanx again... xxx