Involvement with my pregnancy

[scaredmum2be]

I was in foster care when i was 10 years old and i dont come out of there system officially until im 21 which isnt until April.

But now that I am pregnant they want to keep an eye on me after the baby is born to see if i am coping after ive had the baby why would they do this to me now??

Just because i was in care doesnt give them the right to see if they can try and prob steal my child.

I wish id not told my midwife about having a social worker now i feel pressured at the moment because what if i slip up what if im going to be a crap mum? I didnt have these worries until they said social services wud be involved.

Im married and can take care myself, i feel quite sad now flipping social services end up getting what they want anyway xx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Maybe they want to offer you support, not sure - perhaps talk to your SW about it and ask some questions. Try not to be suspicious, that will only make you feel resentful. I would have a chat about it and tell your SW how you feel, that way you may feel better about their involvement good luck

 

[scaredmum2be]

i do not want any support as i dont feel as if i need it ive got the OH and my parents/inlaws, other people that dont have there kids in care also wouldnt get any support from SW.

I did say i wasnt comftable about it but they said SW would be involved anyway apperntly.

Im trying to get on with my life without social workers helped when i wasnt pregnant they didnt help so why now it is that cos im pregnant they want to see if im guna be like my family an be uncapable of looking after my own child.

I know what they want they want me to say that i need there help as i cant cope thats how i got taken off my mum was because my mum asked for helped an all 4 got taken away, sw will never change. they'll do what they want because there getting paid for it but they dont think of the kids feelings in between.

my hubby told me not to worry an they will prove them wrong that we dont need there help.

when i was first pregnant they didnt get involved because i dint want to tell my sw.

I just find it upsettign and i dont mean to but anyone in my situation would feel the same i was in foster care for 8 years an ruined my life an i certainly dont want that for my own child.

I will do the best i can for my child an they wont stop me xx

 

[titch]

Ah hun I can understand this must be really stressing you out. You havent had the best experience of social workers in the past. Just let them come round and fill out their forms, Imsure you have nothing to worry about, and sometimes social workers are the key to some extra money for childcare or nursery furniture... you never know! My friend at uni was in care and when we were at uni she used to be given money to buy her text books and pay her rent etc... and she got a free computer! brilliant!

Its probably a procedure cos lots of people who have been in care dont have contact with their parents anymore so dont get that support. If you tell them that for you its not the case and you have a strong support network around you Im sure they wont get too involved. I dunno how Id cope with pregnancy without being able to ring up my mum everyday and get support, I feel bad for women who dont have that, especially women who are single too, sometimes Im surprised by how strong people are cos I dont think I would be!!

Good luck hun xxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

Ah hun I can understand this must be really stressing you out. You havent had the best experience of social workers in the past. Just let them come round and fill out their forms, Imsure you have nothing to worry about, and sometimes social workers are the key to some extra money for childcare or nursery furniture... you never know! My friend at uni was in care and when we were at uni she used to be given money to buy her text books and pay her rent etc... and she got a free computer! brilliant!

Its probably a procedure cos lots of people who have been in care dont have contact with their parents anymore so dont get that support. If you tell them that for you its not the case and you have a strong support network around you Im sure they wont get too involved. I dunno how Id cope with pregnancy without being able to ring up my mum everyday and get support, I feel bad for women who dont have that, especially women who are single too, sometimes Im surprised by how strong people are cos I dont think I would be!!

Good luck hun xxx

thank you hun ill just let them get on with it an the money for texts books they av no choice but to pay for them things but the baby things nope got to find money on me own lol

Aslong as im guna be ok ill be fine i just wasnt expecting sw to jump in so quick lol x

 

[titch]

but the baby things nope got to find money on me own lol
x

booooooo rubbish! I really need more cash! Im totally broke every month putting money aside for baby!

 

[scaredmum2be]

but the baby things nope got to find money on me own lol
x

booooooo rubbish! I really need more cash! Im totally broke every month putting money aside for baby!

when the baby gets to 18 ask if wana share it lmao!

i want to set up a trust fund for my lil un hoping my hubby is nice but i want the best for my lil an hopefully will get the best lol.

u shud get help with payin for baby soon as so many weeks an after aswell isnt it?x

 

[Pudds86]

Oh hun that must be really frustrating, I understand how that must seem like they are all of a sudden wanting to check on you, but, I do think you should also look at it from another point of view. I am sure there are many girls / women out there who have come from a similar situation as you who do not have a strong support network, who maybe don't know how to care for themselves very well and who would not treat their new baby as they should be treated. In order for social services to help these babies they need to be thorough especially with all the media they have been receiving recently. Not saying that these types of people have had to have been in care, there are a lot of people who have come from 'normal' homes and still treat their babies badly.

I am sure they will come and see you a couple times and see how well you are doing and then leave you alone, you can show them how well you have done and that you didnt need their help in the 1st instance.

Dont worry about it too much! they cant take your baby for no reason! xxxxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

Oh hun that must be really frustrating, I understand how that must seem like they are all of a sudden wanting to check on you, but, I do think you should also look at it from another point of view. I am sure there are many girls / women out there who have come from a similar situation as you who do not have a strong support network, who maybe don't know how to care for themselves very well and who would not treat their new baby as they should be treated. In order for social services to help these babies they need to be thorough especially with all the media they have been receiving recently. Not saying that these types of people have had to have been in care, there are a lot of people who have come from 'normal' homes and still treat their babies badly.

I am sure they will come and see you a couple times and see how well you are doing and then leave you alone, you can show them how well you have done and that you didnt need their help in the 1st instance.

Dont worry about it too much! they cant take your baby for no reason! xxxxx

my hubby has also said they cant take bby from me for no reason. i really do want the best for my child but i feel as if people would want to have my baby when all i want to do is give my baby everything he/she needs.
i will let her come round an let her do her job but after few times if he gets abit annoyin i will have to say something.

ive learnt that being in care how to look after myself an grow up quickly because alot of foster carers i had had slipped through the net an shudnt of been able to foster i think they need to catch them ones an get really nice carers before thinkin bout gettin other children put into care.

I also want to prove to my sister as she has 2 kids an doesnt hardly boter with her kids an i think social shud be lookin on to her part but the reason why i wnat to show my sis is because shes the cant be botherd to make the effort type to her kids where as i love kids would love the best for them kids an if i had the room for 2 more kids i would of looked after them to. lol

ty huni xx

 

[joanna0110]

Hi, sorry to hear about your situation. When you have your first you usually have a midwife visit you for the first 10 days and then they hand over to a health visitor who comes and meets you and judges how much support you will need, based upon what you tell her, how many children you have and her own personal veiw on how you are coping.
I remember when i first had these visits i was so nervous and spent time tidying when they came and making sure that everyone and thing was in order and was always on edge. I was 20 when i had my first and knew they would be keeping a close eye on me. By the time i got to my third i think i only had 2 midwife visits and everytime my health visitor came we would end up drinking tea and talking about what annoyed us about our OH'S!
Try and think of it in that way rather than that they are there to judge you with the intention of taking your child away - it really is the last thing they want to do. Just be yourself and tell them how you feel without being confrontational. Always open your door and i am sure they will soon realise that you don't need extra support and are coping well. Its not like you have no family or are on your own, they will see that and take note. I'm sure these policies are only there to help children/young adults who have been in care.
I have to say that i'm impressed that they do keep an eye on children in care until they are 21, as i'm sure a lot of them need support until then. I know you have had a bad time in care, but it seems your settled now and will soon have a baby to love and care for, so give yourself some credit and try not to worry yourself to much xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

They only people that turn pregnant before 21 they was passing me on to someone else if i needed emergancy help but i wouldnt av the social worker anymore because she told me i didnt need her now that im preg i just feel intruded upon cant really explain it lolx ty hunx

 

[joanna0110]

I can see how you feel, but it won't be for long i'm sure just try and stay calm and not worry too much. You sound very grounded to me, i'm sure they will see that soon enough xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

I can see how you feel, but it won't be for long i'm sure just try and stay calm and not worry too much. You sound very grounded to me, i'm sure they will see that soon enough xx

ty hun