Insecure...

[AngelCookie23]

I'm so insecure it's stupid!! I hate it, it's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do about it. I think it's got worse since getting pregnant but I've always been unconfident now it just feels 100x worse! Whenever my boyfriend talks to another girl I get so jealous I feel like killing her lol. What's wrong with me? He reasures me constantly yet I still feel like this. We only just got back together but I feel like if I carry on like this I'll drive him away I've got myself all upset thinking about it, I just want a cuddle! My hormones are not helping right now!

Does anyone else get jealous and insecure? I feel like I'm the only one making it such an issue..! How can I feel better? xx

 

[ema-lou24]

I have horrible insecurities and I'm jot even pregnant hun, so I feel for u.

My sons dad cheated on me I dunno how many times, even swore on our sons life that he didn't, he was a complaints kier and when I left him he was really nasty, saying no man will love me cos I'm used goods and that every man I go with will cheat on me cos I'm a horrible person. I know that this is untrue, but for a good 3years, they harsh words stuck in my head.
After that, I went with a couple of guys and they cheated on me, so it made me think he was telling the truth.

I'm now with my OH and I still worry that he might get bored and stray away, we fall out all the time about it, and I know if I keep doing this he will leave, but he's adamant that he loves me and he's nothing like my ex's.

Try and block it out, or ignore it. Easier said than done I know, but it's what I do. My OH will go on about someone he knows and I just listen, agree, ask questions ect, even tho in my head I am killing her

I know its not easy huni, but please try and just trust him. Talk to him. Tell him your fears, tell him the pregnancy is making u feel even more insecure. Tell him u would feel better if he reassured u a bit more, let u see his phone etc. My OH hasn't got a problem with that, cos it means I'm then off his back lol. Altho nowadays I'm not doing it as much cos I know deep down he loves me and wouldn't hurt me. Once u have that, u won't feel as insecure as u do now .

Talk to him Hun xx

 

[AngelCookie23]

Gosh I'm sorry to hear that! Men like that don't deserve any woman tbh. No one should tell you that you are a horrible person! He must of known he didn't deserve you and that's why he tried to bring you down.
It's a shame when people have experiences like that because after when we find a good guy we take it out on him.

I try to ignore it my jealous feelings and not get upset around him but since being pregnant I just burst out into tears. Wish I had more control! I don't want to lose him again!

I try to trust him but he's done stuff in the past that have made me doubt him. Not cheating or anything like you went through. Just being so protective over his phone n stuff and silly things with girls. I know if I want it to work I NEED to trust him. It was a long time ago and I need to let go, this is suppose to be a new start for us. I think I will talk to him next time it comes up again.

Does it get easier, the more you pretend to be okay with it? I know he loves me and would never cheat, I just feel so unconfident! xx

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Hello, your thread caught my eye as I'm extremely insecure also.
I've been with my partner for almost 15 months. Never felt like this before, but boy have I had my experience in men but yeah I've never been in Love before, until now!

I'm a very confident girl but I do have my unconfident moments, which causes arguments between me and my OH. We both don't believe in fancying other people whilst being in a serious relationship, not even celebrities! I find it weird because when I was with my ex's, I used to fancy other people.. my current boyfriend Daniel being one of them! But in this relationship, I just can't look at another person and find them attractive like I find Daniel attractive. He's the same, but obviously because of things he's done in the past, I find it hard to believe he doesn't fancy other people. When we first started going out he used to say how hot certain girls were, It bothered me but not like it would if he did it now. He admitted a few months ago that he did all that to make me jealous, because he likes making me jealous.. But yes.. things he did in the past like that for example, have made me insecure today. I find it hard to trust him.

As for my confidence, like I said I am confident but if Dan is watching girls (non-celebrities) singing on YouTube and he says, "She's a really good singer". It makes me boil up inside and I start moaning at him and getting myself upset.. :/ Me and Daniel both sing together, he's a brilliant musician. I know I can sing, but if he says another girl is good it just makes me so jealous. Even if I myself feel like this girl can't sing to save her life, it still bothers me that Daniel thinks she's 'a really good singer'.

My OH is very insecure himself, he doesn't allow some males to be on my Facebook friends because he thinks I fancy them.

Lately my insecurity has got worse and it's driving a wedge in between us. Which is a shame because we're inseparable, so close, best friends, and I know he loves me just as much as I love him. He's always telling me I'm beautiful and anyone can see that we're a perfect couple. I can even see it myself

I think all three of us ladies on this page need to have a little more faith in ourselves and learn to trust and have faith in our partner. It could be worse.. they could be absolute assholes like many other men I've met in my life.

Sorry for the long comment!

 

[AngelCookie23]

I can understand how you feel about getting upset when your OH comments about other girls singing. I actually burst out crying because my OH was asking me about my makeup and straight after said that he saw some pictures of this girl on fb who we are both friends with and said she looked good. (she can do her makeup amazing and looks stunning!) I know I can do my makeup ok but I hate him pointing out when other girls look good!

With the whole celebrity thing and looking at other people while in a relationship, I think if my OH finds a woman attractive that's fine just don't tell me about it! Coz if I find out I'm sure to be upset and insecure. I'm with you about not finding anyone else attractive in the same way, it's so weird! Even if I wanted to find someone else attractive I know I couldn't.

I think you are right, we def need more faith in ourselves and our ability to be enough for our partners. I need to stop worrying about the past and trust him. At the end of the day if they are gonna be an asshole and cheat on us, then us being insecure and jealous isn't going to stop them right? I love him so much I think that's why I'm so scared of losing him! He is so amazing I guess I feel unconfident because I feel like I don't deserve him!

Thank you for replying! xx

 

[ema-lou24]

Of course u deserve him honey, don't ever think that u don't! He obviously feels that u deserve him, or he wouldn't be with u.....and he should be happy with you and deserve everything that he has with u.

Ur just lovely smile honey, it will all work out. He has u and a perfect wee baby on the way.....why wouldn't he be happy?

My oh comments on peoples looks all the time, it annoys me, but its me he's with and me he comes home to every night, me he wants a baby with and me he makes love to xx

Enjoy your relationship honey and as you say, if they gonna cheat, nothing we say or do is gonna stop them, but it will b them that regret it, not us, cos we done nothing wrong x

 

[AngelCookie23]

Ahh I know you are so right, thank you! It's me he's with and wants to have a family with no some other woman! I think I know all this deep down but at the time I get so worked up I can't see sense. Maybe I should learn to step back and think rationally for once! I'm going to remember what you girls said next time I start to feel insecure and jealous again Thank you!!

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

That's how I feel too.
I know Daniel is mine, he even had this conversation with me the other night. I was upset over something silly and he kept saying to me, "Why don't I like that girl.. Why? Because she's not you. Why aren't I with her? Why.. Because she's not you. Why don't I like my ex? Because she's not you. Why aren't I with her? Because she's not you. It's you I'm with, not them". Truth is, I know all this deep down too, I just get worked up and don't think before I speak or cry.

I'll think more carefully next time I'm insecure over something, I already have started too!
Wish you all the best, both of you.
& Good Luck on the rest of your pregnancy Angel You're so lucky.
xx

 

[AngelCookie23]

Aww that's so nice of him to reassure you like that! I hope you feel better about it in the future!

We are all so lucky to have guys who care about us and love us so much, we shouldn't make it any harder than it needs to be! Thank you both of you so much! xx

 

[purplehippy]

I was worried in the beginning because before we got together as a couple, I knew he had been hoping to get one in with the circle's 'bike', I think simply because he knew he could and had been void of any love or even a kiss, for 5 years. So knowing this woman had come onto him and stuck her tongue down his throat while he was drunk and still with his frigid ex (don't ask...) made me a little uncomfortable - specially as he joked about these things a lot.

I don't think he'd do anything he shouldn't though. I got over that insecurity after the first few months and I've no doubt he's faithful. Not that he ever goes anywhere without me - I keep trying to persuade him to go places without me now because I just don't have a good time and am tired, the SPD is bad and so is my previous crip prob!

If you can't just let go and let him be a human - that is, someone who interacts normally with any male or female, adult or child - I'd suggest asking for a counsellor to work through some of these insecurities, and perhaps find a book on CBT - there are many crap blokes and ladies out there who misbehave, but that doesn't mean all of them are, or that someone who did it before will do it again to you, they may have just ended up in a situation through a problem with their relationship, as weak as a reason as that is.

Hang in there, don't scare him away.

 

[AngelCookie23]

How did you managed to get over it? Only way I can think of is to try to ignore my thoughts and not make them such an issue. I'm sorry your SPD is bad, it's good that you encourage your OH to go out without you though I'm far too insecure to be happy with him going out! Of course I can't control him and keep him with me 24/7 so I try my best not to say anything when he wants to go out.

I did see a CBT counsellor a while back to solve some issues I had with myself. I found it quite useful but when I tried to talk about my insecurities I have with my partner she tried to help but didn't seem that interested! She did however tell me that I need to trust him and that if there's no evidence he's doing anything wrong then I shouldn't jump to such rash conclusions! I have a book on CBT, maybe I should read it again.

Thank you for your help! xx

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

How did you managed to get over it? Only way I can think of is to try to ignore my thoughts and not make them such an issue. I'm sorry your SPD is bad, it's good that you encourage your OH to go out without you though I'm far too insecure to be happy with him going out! Of course I can't control him and keep him with me 24/7 so I try my best not to say anything when he wants to go out.

I did see a CBT counsellor a while back to solve some issues I had with myself. I found it quite useful but when I tried to talk about my insecurities I have with my partner she tried to help but didn't seem that interested! She did however tell me that I need to trust him and that if there's no evidence he's doing anything wrong then I shouldn't jump to such rash conclusions! I have a book on CBT, maybe I should read it again.

Thank you for your help! xx

Same thing happened to me. I went to see a counsellor about my anxiety (which I had at the time) she sorted that out no problem but when I wanted to talk about my insecurity she didn't seem interested either.. and I felt like she just didn't understand.

 

[darkmage]

Awww... don't feel that way hunny. But I bet that your being insecure now is due to your hormones that are everywhere now literally. hahaha. Always think that your body is a wonderland now, there is a wonderful creation inside of you. And that it is a sign of you & your bf's love for each other. I bet the wedding bells are coming soon....

Keep your chin up, be proud hot momma! Keep rocking!