inlaws with newborns rant !!update!!

[supermumoneil]

hi all

so i can't seem to get rid of my inlaws i had my son a week ago and i think oh and i have had one day to our selfs.
when ever my mil comes she always goes straight to his moses basket and picks him up and hes usually asleep and she wakes him up then about ten min later she tells me he needs his nappy changing and a feed then he needs to sleep because hes tied and i just think i have just done all that and you woke him up she told me the other day i was not feeding him enough on the breast even though he was on there for about an hour and i should put him on the bottle and then other people could feed him more like put him on the bottle so she could take over and feed him i feel like killing her we do give him a bottle every so often but thats brestmilk not formular but thats so oh can help fed him when im tied but the first time he went to feed him the bottle she grabbed it off my oh and fed my son and my oh had to walk out the room before he said something when she was here yesterday i had to go out for a walk before i punched her she was that bad.well thats the mil im fine with fil i know how to get rid of him all i have to do is start breast feeding and all of a sudden they have to go. now my bil is a real pain he has been her 4 days out of 8 and when ever he comes hes never leaves till 9.30pm and that when oh and i sould be having time together as the kids are asleep my family are really good because they always ring me before they come because they know what im like i can stand up to them i have done it all my life and also my family know oh and i like time with the kids by our selfs and we also like time to our selfs when the kids are a sleep.

any way got most of it off my chest now sorry for the long rant needed to do it before i exsploded.

becki.xx

well she has been and as soon as she walked through the door she told me off for holding my son while he was asleep so i said well he has just finished his feed and fell to sleep on me and i was just about to put him down in his moses basket and i then said if you want to hold him you have to wait till he wakes up and she said ok but then she started to pay a game with my 2 year old daughter and she was been very load and guess what she woke my son up and she said good hes a wake i can hold him now he had only been asleep half an hour i said ok you can hold him for a minute but then i need to feed him and she said to my oh when i was in the kitchen to go make a bottle so she can feed him i herd what she said and i said to oh not to make a bottle because he only has one at night now because im fully breastfeeding during the day or i will express for oh to feed i will soon cut out formular feeding at night as soon as i have caught up with my sleep as i do not sleep well because i need a tooth out as i have had a cavity for 3 months and had to wait till baby was born to have it out i go tommorrow to have it out any way he agreed not to make it and she said where is the bottle i want to feed him now and oh said hes not having a bottle now as i had not expressed any for him yet and she said but i want to feed him and i said no hes been breast fed from now on and when he does have a bottle it will be expressed milk and only oh gets to do it as its his bonding time with our son and she said what about my bonding time i said you don't need bonding time as your just the grandma and it would be nice if you asked to feed him first. i then started to feed him and she said i was doing it all wrong this coming from a women who has never breastfed in her life and im breast feeding my second now so i think i know better than her well all the time she was here my son would not settle and as soon as she went he fell to sleep i don't think he likes her and im thinking good boy and also im not surprised everytime shes round she wakes him up and try to force a bottle in his mouth the thing is we used to get on so well before i gave birth and for the birth she wanted to be there with me and oh and help me through it she never asked just said she was coming in so i told the midwife the only people i want with me is my oh and my midwife and she said its ok i will lie to her and tell her that because its so busy here im only aloud one person in with me and any way she was surpossed to be looking after my daughter and she said it would be good for me to have her with me and i was thinking it will scare the s**t out of her seeing her mum in so much pain and pushing a baby out and also don't think the would aloud a younge child in the delivery room so she went home but then started the texts every 10 min to see how things were going so me and oh turned our phones off till after but she then rang the labour ward to see how i was doing as we had not text back and they said sorry we can not give that information out. when we got home she told us off for not keeping her informed.
right think i have gone on long enough now even though i could say more but i bet your thinking god this woman can go on forever.

 

[LisaJ1986]

And relax! Lol First of all
Really and truthfully something needs to be said. She is telling you how to bring up your child and it's not on!!!
Just tell her breastfeeding is how you want it! It is that special bond between mother and baby and that's how it should stay! The bottle is just your OH only! My mum suggested i started bottle feeding but it's cheaper and i'm too lazy!
If she comes round while he's asleep, as she walks in just say "I've just got him off to sleep" And walk over to the basket before she has chance to 'check on him'
Just little snide digs should help. But your OH needs to say something! My OH wouldn't keep his mouth shut! He's a sod for it! Lol

 

[daftscotslass]

I think your OH needs to get his finger out and tell them you need some peace. It's not fair on you, you must be exhausted.

 

[lisa&alex]

omg id go nuts lol..

ur oh should say ur going out for the day tmro.. then tacktfully say that you want some time to yourselves you will pop over to them on the weekend?

 

[mamichuli]

Oh, hun. I do feel for you.I went thru this with my eldest and finally my then OH had to talk to MIL ...it was exactly the same, you are not feeding her enough, this baby is hungry, etc, etc, etc. Make sure hubby talks to her and soon. This is not fair on you, you need to rest and both you and OH need to bond with your baby and be together.



Lisa

 

[Becky]

I think your OH needs to get his finger out and tell them you need some peace. It's not fair on you, you must be exhausted.

Yep I agree, there's nothing to be gained from letting her continue, in fact if you do let her carry on it's going to get harder to say something the longer you leave it.

It is not acceptable. If I were you I'd lock the door and refuse to answer it unless whoever on the other side has rung in advance.

 

[joj]

And I thought my MIL was bad! Like the others have said, something needs to be said, either by your OH or you, I had a word with my MIL and things have been a bit better since. My MIL still pops round unexpectedly and I just pretend I'm out, our sitting room is at the back of the house so she can't see and she usually calls first now which means I can control how often she's round as if I don't want her there I just say we're busy meeting friends or something. Is there anyway you could do that? Hope it gets better

 

[cez8457]

oh hun, you must be at the end of your tether with your MIL. My MIL and i have a good relationship and she never crowded us when my LO was born, but its only now that my LO is 17 months that ive started to talk back to her if theres something i disagree with, and i wish i had done it from the start, yes sometimes i feel like ill hurt her feelings if i say certain things but then i think well it has to be said or ill go potty. Just try saying things like, i just got him to sleep do you mind leaving him til he wakes up, if she goes to his moses basket, if she says anything to that say 'well you wouldnt like it if someone woke you up'. With the bottle, it was my parents that kept saying well you've done good to get this far why dont you put her on the bottle so we can help, If your MIL hasnt breastfed she doesnt know how it feels, so i would just say ' thank you for the advice but i am going to continue breastfeeding'. I near use to feel strong enough to say again but now i take a deep breath and say whats on my mind, i realised i had to otherwise it would go on all my life.

Hope things get better for you.

 

[Quill]

I just wrote about my own MiL in another forum. I thought mine was obsessed for hovering outside the delivery room (and walking in on me being stitched up), but it sounds like yours is worse!

In my situation, DH and I talked it over, because her interference was causing problems in our marriage, and we decided to be firmer with her. Being assertive is the way to go. If you want to breastfeed, that is your decision. Remind her that SHE had her chance to raise her own children... this is your turn.

Your OH really should tell them, the next time they call to come over, that you two need some time together to bond with the baby. If necessary, park the car down the road and don't answer the door.

But be careful how much you allow her to get away with now, as it will only get worse down the line. I finally put my foot down to my own MiL this week and she is so much better now.

 

[Urchin]

Aw that would drive me mad too!

Just a tip..... PLEASE can you use punctuation?.... if you look at your posts its like one HUGE sentence with no commas or full stops or anything, it was hurting my eyes in the end so I had to stop reading it, sorry

 

[LisaJ1986]

Well i'm pleased you stuck to your guns! Hopefully it will get better from now on.

 

[supermumoneil]

well been to the inlaws for dinner today and it was not that bad had to put my foot down a few times.
mil told me she was taking ryan across to her friends so her friend could see him and i said no if she wants to see him she can come her as he is a sleep and will be for a while as he had just gone down.
also she never picked him up today at all the only time she held him was when i asked her if she would like to hold him for a minute while he was awake.
think she is getting the hint im his mum not her and she has to ask me if she can do thinks im so happy she is finally listening to me.

becki.xx

 

[cez8457]

well done , yeah hopefully shes geeting the hints, so glad things are starting to improve. Good on you

 

[*pud01*]