inconsiderate neighbours, worried about when baby arrives

[chelsea]

this is kinda tied in with hennalys topic but not family so i thought i would start a new thread.

i live in a block of flats (2 on the ground floor) and the girl opposite me is VERY nosey, she is constantly asking about how the baby is etc (which is fine within reason) but she also commented a couple of months ago on how nice our cot was, which means she has looked through my bedroom window! since this my curtains have been drawn every day in the bedroom, i dont particularly want her looking at what we have bought for OUR baby!

i dont actively seek her out to talk to her, but she is constantly outside smoking and whenever we go out or return she is outside, commenting on her pregnancies and how im feeling/looking etc. i dont mind this so much when im pregnant, its just me shes breathing her manky smoke on, but she will probably be outside when we bring baby home, and as bad as it sounds, i dont want her to be the first person outside of me and OH that sees the baby, not only because everyone else has to wait to see her (its a priviledge for them to see the baby, not a right!) but also because i know she will happily breathe cigarette smoke on her, she does on her own baby!

we have loads of issues with her smoking (she stubs the cigarette butts out on the wall, flicks the cigarette butts all over the porch and doesnt take into consideration that her smoke comes wafting into MY flat making it smell like an ash tray, so much so that i have had to ask my little brother to keep his window shut during the day because thats when shes outside every 10 mins!)

how can i say to her that when the baby comes all the smoking right next to my flat, the unruly children (her son slams his bike into my door) and all the other things that we have tried to combat before the baby comes has to stop when the baby comes cause its not just me, OH and little brother that her actions will be affecting.

i know full well that once the baby has come she will be round all the time (i used to be friends with her younger sister) she will invite her younger sister over, all her friends and the partying has to stop!

it might sound like its really petty and silly but im really worried that when i have my baby she will just interfere loads and all the little things (like the smoking) are gonna affect my baby and she wont consider that.

is there anything you would try? we have put a sign up (TWICE!) about the door slamming every 10 mins all day all night and it hasnt worked, she moans about other people slamming the door but doesnt realise that every time she does it we have to hear it! i woke up at 4:30am the other morning to go to the toilet and she slammed the door 4 times! i know her baby probably wakes her up, but if she didnt smoke quite so much then the door wouldnt bleeding slam!!!


whoops sorry that turned into a rant

 

[kalia]

I think you have to be blunt about the smoking. She can't possibly be anaware that smoking is dangerous to babies (and to foetuses - it used to drive me nuts when people would light up beside me at the bus stop as if their smoke was harmless!) as it is written on cigarette packets. So if she is smoking say "I'm sorry but you are smoking, please keep your distance as it's bad for his/her lungs." If she talks to baby with cigarette smoke in her breath say "I'm sorry but your breath smells of cigarettes so there will be chemicals in it that are bad for baby." If she wants to hold baby ask when she last smoked and if it was withing the last hour, refuse.

I know it's not ideal that you have to do this but your options are either you feel bad and your baby is put at risk (albeit mild) or she feels bad and your baby is safer.

As for the noise, once baby is here you could maybe make a note saying something like "please close the door quietly otherwise it may wake my baby who will then keep everyone else awake!"

 

[chelsea]

i guess theres just no way to avoid it i suppose! lol

we will see what its like tonight (being NYE and all) and if the slamming is really bad then i think i will say something, once it gets past 11:30pm i can say if you dont stop i will just call the police, though they will do bugger all!

thanks

 

[nori]

its hard as you really dont want to fall out with your neighbours. I did that and hated it (had a problem with parking and confronted him) we have since made up and its much better. saying that though i would definately say about the smoking and noise.. try and talk to her nicely and if that doesnt work get tough! lol

 

[chelsea]

the thing with her is, we have hinted and hinted, commenting on the noise that the door makes when it slams etc and the cigarette butts making the place look a tip, i think she just doesnt understand that she does it! which is really irritating, would be much easier if she was just bone idle, but i think she genuinely doesnt get that she is half the problem! especially as we have had a letter sent out about the fag butts and if people are going to smoke then to put the end in the bin or take it in the flat with you and dispose of it in your own waste, but she doesnt get it!

grr naivety can do my head in some times!!

 

[moss]

If you figure it out, please let me know! I live next door to a 17 and 18 year old! Arrgh! My last neighbour was perfect, but she rented her flat out to these idiots! Ha... That might sound harsh, but it isn't. One example of how lovely they are is that they had a (noisy) party and someone threw up from their balocony onto ours, on a chair! They then pushed it over and never said a word. We only figured it out a few days later. We had heard the chair fall over but didn't want to go out to fix it while they were out (we don't like seeing them very much because of previous encounters). The wind was bad so we didn't bother picking up, and when we finally did we found vomit! Arrgh! They smoked into our livingroom constantly and we asked countless times, including by writing a nice note for them not to smoke right there because I was pregnant, and then because of having a new baby, but they ignored us completely. The council has said they are willing to get involved but now that it is the winter it isn't happening. If they are still here when the weather gets better, I will get them involved. I'm not sure what they can do, but it's worth a try! I wish I could find the owner, but I'm not sure where she lives. I would be very surprised if she is actually allowing smoking there, and I think she would be interested to find out about some of the other things they have done.