In law rant!!

[Holi]

I'll warn you this is long and drawn out!! Just need to vent!!

I am very close to my SIL, she's 36 and recently got married after a string of awful boyfriends. She's now very happy and wanting to start a family (yey!)

SIL and her husband have been together 2 years and in that time have never used any protection. Husband knows he has low sperm count (from tests in previous relationship) so they are prepared for a rough journey.

Other day she was telling me she was off to docs cos of hot flushes and I asked if she could be pregnant and she said unlikely cos they hadn't had sex in 3 months - this shocked me as she's open about being desperate for a family but hey ho

Anyways my MIl asked about mine and oh plans for adding to our family and I said hopefully after the wedding (we get married in two weeks)

My mil then proceeded to tell me that it wouldn't be 'fair' if I had the next baby as it's my SILs 'turn' and that she deserves to be next and I shouldn't be 'cruel'

WTF?! Don't get me wrong id love my SIL to have a baby but it's not about who's turn it is? Also doesn't even sound like they are really giving Ttc a good go at the moment so am I just expected to wait?!

And then to top it off my SIL then informed me that they will be using condoms in March as they don't want a December baby?! Not being funny but if you know odds are against you anyways would you be desperate for a baby whatever month?!

Maybe I'm just being daft but it's wound me up! Feel like I'm going to get told off if I get pregnant first! Xx

 

[littlemonkey]

Sounds to me like the MIL is talking about something she knows nothing about!

My MIL used to be like that, she'd talk about all us wives behind our backs to each other. I don't think she realised we all got on and spoke to one another!

 

[Holi]

Yes my mil doesn't have a clue what's going on so making comments like that just isn't a good idea!! And I refuse to be made to feel guilty about when I have my next baby!! And whenever that is, my SIL will be made up even if she is or isn't pregnant herself! Grrrrr! X

 

[Pumpkin9]

I regularly feel like poking my eyes out due to things in experience from my inlaws. Feel sorry for you Hun, I know how frustrating it can be when someone makes a stupid comment like that

 

[JD.Deedee]

I can see how this is coming across the wrong way and is annoying you but I think you've just got to take in to consideration that she may just be very frustrated with the idea that you might catch before she does because you already have a child. I think it's more the deep down realization that it might take her longer and perhaps even a tougher journey to conceive and it's just coming out a bit the wrong way masked by non thought through spur of the moment frustration kind of moment.

Hormones can send you go crazy and so can the desire to have children. Once you have the wedding out of the way get a moment to talk with her hows shes dealing with it not being easy for her to conceive?

 

[H16]

Bloody in laws, why are they so annoying?! Just ignore the silly woman and do what you want hun. What happens if your SIL can never have kids is your MIL going to expect you to postpone trying indefinitely?! She sounds like she doesn't live in the real world! X

 

[H16]

I can see how this is coming across the wrong way and is annoying you but I think you've just got to take in to consideration that she may just be very frustrated with the idea that you might catch before she does because you already have a child. I think it's more the deep down realization that it might take her longer and perhaps even a tougher journey to conceive and it's just coming out a bit the wrong way masked by non thought through spur of the moment frustration kind of moment.

Hormones can send you go crazy and so can the desire to have children. Once you have the wedding out of the way get a moment to talk with her hows shes dealing with it not being easy for her to conceive?

It wasn't the SIL who made the comment it was her MIL. If it was the SIL I would agree with your post x

 

[Holi]

Yeah it was MIL - if my SIL had said it my heart would break for her cos it must be hard. But knowing that my SIL is only in a low gear at mo when it comes to baby making I'm presuming (I may be completely wrong) that she's not at the desperate state yet.

Xx

 

[Dotty_woman]

Whilst I feel for your SIL's situation, it isn't fair to make you and your OH feel like you have to pussyfoot around her. You have your own lives and it's not fair for your MIL to get involved. It's none of her business. I agree that it might be an idea to consider talking to your SIL at some point but it doesn't really like they're actively trying for a baby at the moment. It is a difficult situation but you can't put your plans on hold because it's not "your turn". I hope you manage to move forward here. xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

Pft. Ignore it and do as you please. Nobody has a monopoly on your fertility or your family planning. What are you supposed to do if they NEVER have a baby? Just not have one either cos she's supposed to have one first? Absolutely ridiculous of your MIL to even stick her nose into your business, let alone suggest you can't do as you please.

And I'm sorry your SIL is struggling but it doesn't really sound like she's trying very hard either. No sex for 3 months? Does she think the stork brings babies?

Don't let them put a downer on you, and don't be put off by them. If you want a baby, you go for it. You can't wait around for other people especially when they aren't really serious about it.

 

[JD.Deedee]

Sorry misread that.

I think i'd tell her to F off! Like Mum2Man says you don't have control over baby making and fertility! Shame when parents think that narrow minded.