in a bit of a state right now :(

[x.Lilly.x]

I need your opinions on this as i dont no if im over reacting due to hormones etc.
My bf of 2 and a bit years on and off has continuously lied to me thru our relationship, over saying he wont go on porn sites then keeps doing it again and again to saying hell come home after being out the evening and not coming home till the morning. i have LITERALLY given him over 50 chances of either dont do it again or its over.
tonight he went to his mates house, he sed he wud go at 6 and start riding his bike again at 11. i said thats fine as his friend has court at 9am cud go down for just over ayear.
but we have a scan in the morning for the baby at 11:15 so sed you HAVE to come home tonight. i then get a text att 11 saying ''tony wants me to go to court with him at 9am as no one else can go with him' so i called him saying wtfff r u doing as he promised me till he was blue in the face before he went that he swore hed be back at 11, he made out like i was being a twat for thinking he wudnt come home. he then hung up on me wen i got upset n pissed off and got his mate to text me saying 'matts to scared to tell u cus ull get mad but hes staying here tonight, n u can come here tomorrow morning n wait for him, i promise hell be bk in time for the scan''. im jst fucking upset and pissed of that he promised me so much tht not to worry chill hell be bk home for 11:30 as he new we have the scan and i find it tough getting the kids ready by myself so wanted his help in the morning.
im crying my eyes out right now and just feel like hes putting his mate before his pregnant gf who he fuking promised till he was blue in the face that hed be home tonight. :'( n then on the fine when i was crying he was jst laughing about it saying 'chill out its hassle coming home at 11:30pm'' well dont fuking promise u will then, he new when he promised hed be home tht hed have to ride home ffs!! im jst about to pack his stuff n take it to him tomorrow morning i feel that upset about it. am i being stupid?
and whats making me hurt even more is he KNOWS i will be upset about this, the last text he sent me is 'see u tomorrow then', fucking see u tomorrow then? is that it? after u promised ud be home tonight, and thats all u can say to me!?

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Oh hunnie
I can relate exactly. I stayed in my parents house the night before my 12 week scan because my hospital is only down the road, and my OH lives half an hour away from it. My OH promised he'd come over to spend the night so we could go to my scan at 8.50am the next morning. It was getting late and he still hadn't turned up so I asked him, "Are you even coming?" He said he couldn't be arsed because it was late and he was playing games with his friends online so he was having fun. At this time I didn't have my laptop as it was getting repaired so he said he would be bored at my house if he came over I was so upset! My Dad suggested we pick him up in the morning really early. Unfortunately we overslept and I was so upset, crying like mad. I rang the hospital to arrange a later time but they said, "I'd advise you to stick to your appointment today because we're fully booked for a long time". I rang my OH's mum but she said she couldn't bring him because she has work at 9am, she suggested her husband drive him but my OH was being awkward and said he's not getting in a car with his step-dad because he's an alcoholic. I was crying on the phone and asked him to please just do it for me but he wouldn't. So my dad said we'll go pick him up now, it was 8.15am when we drove half an hour to go pick him up, and fortunately we got to my appointment just in time (we were about 5 minutes late though).

I will never forget that day, I was so upset.
OH knows now that whenever I need him the night before something he has to be with me.

I think that because he's let you down a lot, you really need to discuss things with him. He can't keep letting you down and upsetting you like this, It's totally not fair. I can tell he's scared letting you down and upsetting you but he shouldn't promise things if he's not going to keep them.

Good luck for your scan and I suggest you both have a chat afterwards about his lying and false promises. You need to explain to him how hurtful it is when he let's you down. I don't think men realise just how hurt we feel when we're let down, even if it's just little things. Kicking him out and breaking up with him will definitely give him a kick up the arse but I don't think it needs to come to that just yet. Talk to him xxx

 

[x.Lilly.x]

i no i proberly sound absaloutly pathetic, but im so upset right now and i want is for him to say 'im sorry babe i just want to be there for my friend as well as you and iv had a few to drink and itll be easier to stay here' im not a mean bitch ill understand that. but the face he jst makes up bullshit like its my fault just hurts me so much. i want him to care about how i feel and he doesnt

 

[Sam's Mum]

You don't sound pathetic...I'd be really upset too He knows how important tomorrow is to both of you, but if he's the kind of guy who likes to please everyone and can't easily say no to people maybe he's agreed to go to court without thinking about helping you out before the scan in the morning? I'd not reply to any more texts and get yourself and the kids ready early and out of the house before he gets back in the morning - if he's late it's his loss and he has a hell of a lot of making up to do, but he's been totally out of order laughing about it when he's promised to be home x

 

[x.Lilly.x]

hes not coming bk to the house tomorrow hun iv got to go to his mates house (who hes going to court with) n wait with the guys gf at there house till he gets back there after court. its jst me always following his orders, he said jump i say how high sir. i jst cant imagin being without him. i dont want to have 3 kids by 2 differant dads and then one day a differant man and not him. but all this just makes me so stressed and upset and i hate him for that.

 

[Sam's Mum]

Why should you go there and wait for him? Not suggesting that you should leave him, but make him realise that he doesn't always get to make the rules - can you get to the scan on your own and see if it's important enough for him to make it there on time? x

 

[x.Lilly.x]

yh my nans having the kids so it ws jst gonna be me and matt going to the scan. but if i dont go get him hell make out like i was jst causing an argument by not going to get him wen i had enough time x

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

You're not pathetic at all hun
You really need to tell him all of this, how you feel xxx

 

[x.Lilly.x]

he knows. everytimne hes lied, mor than 50 times, literally. iv been in the same state. told him how i feel. its just weather this is really the LAST time or not. im jst not strong enough to end it =/

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I'm the same, I can't ever imagine leaving my OH.
Perhaps give him the one last chance scenario then? He might not believe you will actually leave him if he let's you down again, he might just need that kick up the arse after all xxx

 

[x.Lilly.x]

oh n he even said to me 'this isnt even the 12 weeks scan so its not even that important'' not important its our childs scan weather its 6 weeks or 6 months ffs!

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

:O That's a harsh thing to say :/ That's really not nice at all xxx

 

[sgregory20]

I personally would not stand for it.
I would leave.
You and the baby deserve more respect.
His behaviour is disgusting.
How long you gonna let this carry on for?
Do you really want to bring up your baby around this ignorant selfish liar?
X

 

[BevG]

he knows he can get away with it so he will carry on, if you want him to stop then stop letting him dictate things, dont get weepy or mad just go cold and say fine if he dont wanna help then you dont need him, basically act like hes not there and just say hes not there for you so your just getting on with it. might scare him but they hate being not needed, it may make him respect you more