Identity crisis or last minute nerves?

[floppit]

Bit of an essay... any other Mum's to be scared of feeling weak after the birth?

I feel a bit stir crazy and scared. I want the next 50 years plus of motherhood so badly but as a whole journey and as ME.

So much of my life has revolved around being a very physical person - hey strong women don't often win popularity prizes but it's me. As a flat chested gawky teenager I think I had two choices, get depressed or get fit and love it - I chose the latter. My job working with horses meant that I got respect for being fit too, it's definately an enviroment where it's expected of women to be strong - not just the fellas. When I went to uni I joined the climbing club and held my own with most of the lads (though some creamed me!).

My post uni job wasn't physical but I still rode and kept pace with teenagers which got especially appreciated on resi weekends where I could and would join in with everything from start to finish. After I stopped riding I started hill running, mountain biking and having a (bad) bash at skating fast with no style!

I'm still active in pregnancy, my midwife knows I do alot that others (like hubby sometimes) disapprove of but she's ok with me doing it because it's not straining me. It's not like I still hill run but I do voluntary nights in a rough sleepers cafe, redecorated the house (well.... the halls, landing etc and the bathroom), swim, aqua natal, and light (less than 5 miles) walking.

Soon all the above will stop dead! I have had broken bones but none I haven't got back to being very active in less than a month, I've NEVER had a serious illness, never been in hospital, never needed looking after. I don't know who I'll be, I don't know what will be left of me, of what makes me me, of what I hope to make me a Mum.

In the long run I'm not so scared 'cos I can't wait to have a little girl to have a laugh with, I can't wait to have the fun of keeping up with her, seeing her grow fine and strong and letting her feel that no matter what anyone says women can be strong and strong can be feminine and beautiful. She can primp her nails if she wants but HELL she'll have a choice.

I'm scared of the healing after the birth, I'm scared I'll get depressed trying to live in a role that doesn't fit, I've never been down this path before or any path that I haven't walked knowing I always have a long run/climb/ride to fall back on.

 

[Emmylou]

I think everything you has said sounds about normal/ right.....its sooooo daunting waiting for this HUGE change to come.
You will be able to walk/ run/ swim after the birth......just not straight after the birth.
I think 6 weeks is the recommended time to wait unless you've had a C section in which case it'll take a bit longer. But you can take baby on lots of lovely walks, you could even run with the buggy if you really wanted to.
DH could look after baby whilst you went for a swim etc, and once you're feeling fully healed, you can go to the gym/ back to riding or whatever.
Yes, your life will change, but things that are a part of you can be worked around baby hun so don't worry - there is no need to lose your identity

 

[floppit]

Thanks - I might need alot of reminding about that!!

The weird thing is I'm not scared of the pain, I'm scared of being laid up and torn up. When I've busted bones I've waited a week or two then got impatient and worked through pain - luckily the gamble's always paid off and I healed anyway but this will be different. The midwife described the wound left by the exited placenta and the tearing down below scares me (and my muff!!). I can cope with the thought of ripping but I'm struggling to know how to cope with being ripped up after.

I want to start running (well walking with the occasional jog at first!) again at 6 weeks and expressing should be ok by then so hubby can have bub. I've just got to figure out how to get to the six weeks mark sane!

 

[Sophie1102]

I totally know what you mean, i've always been an independant person and not asked anyone to do anything for me, always been really really stubborn and done it myself!!

When I had my first she was born at 1259pm and was home by 4pm, I couldn't wait to get on, didn't want to be stuck in a room on a bed. When my second was born I had her at home and went through the night giving birth at 430am and was down the hospital at 12pm visiting a relative with both children in tow (8hours old and 17 months old) I just can't sit still and do nothing.

Like you I haven't stopped and have been going to the gym 2-3 times a week, decorating, working and looking after my family.

You will be just fine and you will know your own body, just as you do know by doing all that you do.

We and others like us are lucky some woman want to do it but can't for various reasons, I would be really sad if I had to have a c-section as this would mean not being able to drive my girls to school and be as physical as I am now.

 

[Emmylou]

I had a second degree tear and a lot of stitches!! As well as internal grazing......it sounds SO much worse than it actually was tbh, I ached down there for approx 2 weeks then felt a lot more normal. Was walking for approx 30 mins by week 3 and an hour by week 4.

I would think by week 6 you will feel ready to do some gentle exercise. Of course, you will be so tired during the first 4 weeks or so....with baby still being on Australian time after having spent so long upside down, and deciding that 4am is a good time to stay awake for an hour or two, that any exercise at all will more than likely be at the back of your mind anyway.

 

[floppit]

Sophie - it's good to hear you were far from completely nobbled!!

...it sounds SO much worse than it actually was tbh,

I need a 'phew' smiley!! You're right about it sounding though!

 

[lauramumof2]

I think you will be fine. You cant worry about it, you just have to roll with it and be open to things. I found that I went from being very organised to not being organised but Im getting that back.

I felt quite insecure for a while but that too came back and im confident in my role as a mum.

Chin up

 

[GBLiz]

you'll get back into it im sure

my 'former' (pre pregnant!) life revolved around training and competing, i have almost the opposite problem to you though in that everyone is expecting me to bounce straght back and asking when i'll be competing again after the baby..will i be competing in the autumn/winter (YEAH RIGHT!!!).

the answer for both of us is - do what we feel like doing when we're ready, and listen to our bodies because we know them best. don't get pressured to do too much OR to not do enough to keep sane!

I am aware though that being a mother will change peoples perception of me. At the moment in my relationship I am the 'famous' one (for want of a better word , famous only in the bodybuilding community) and my husband is a relatively unknown amateur- but when we open our gym i KNOW that it will be seen as HIS gym, and i will be the wife holding the baby in the background that will be frustrating for me but i guess i'll have more important things to focus on than my personal pride

 

[muppetmummy]

My first goal once I've had the baby is to sleep. I found the first time around I had to be reminded to eat cos I was so tired and busy. I'm sure it will be a good few weeks before you even think about doing any exercise.

Apart from feeling knackered, having sore lady bits and some tummy cramps I felt fine after the birth. Definately didn't feel like I was ill.

The first 6 weeks fly by so you'll be back to being more active before you know it

 

[Ginnymarie]

Hello

I do feel for you, I feel similar, I am nowhere near as fit as you but I do lead an active life, however, severe morning sickness really stopped me in my tracks in the first 17 weeks and I got depressed, my friend had severe anemia after her birth, thsi frightens me. My plan is to make sure I am as healthy and well as possible, taking pre-natals, sleeping, doing gentle exercise etc...

Loosing control and being laid up in hospital is scary to me as is loosing my identity, the idea of feeding,washing clothes, changing nappies, however I have been out and about meeting other mums recentley and hope to still get out and about. You are not alone but sounds as if you will be active and back to full fitness really quickly
x