I thought this was meant to be a happy time???

[Lyonsb]

Hi all,

Well I am having a really crap time at the moment and I just want to cry.

When I first found out that I was expecting, me and my boyfriend were really pleased. But since then I just feel like I have completely gone off him and I have actually ended our relationship. He has since been really needy or has been trying too hard to be normal and just being even more irritating! I feel like I don't fancy him, I don't love him and I don't want to be with him.

The trouble is I'm now terrified about having a baby and am so confused about what to do. I honestly thought that I wanted this baby no matter but, but the reality is kicking in knowing that I'll have to sort out somewhere to live (currently live with my parents) and that I'll be on my own. AND that I'll be tied to him for the rest of our lives.

I have a scan tomorrow and have to have them vaginally at the moment and I don't want him in the room with me while I have that done as it seems really personal, but he thinks I'm trying to shut him out.

I just want to close my eyes and pretend that none of this is happening. I actually wish it wasn't in a way. I keep telling myself that people have babies and still go on to meet their perfect partner etc and can be happy. But at the moment I'm just terrified.

Does anyone have any kind words or advice? Or if anyone has felt the same please help me because I just don't know what to do....

Thanks x

 

[pacha]

Awww hun, sorry that you are feeling like this, cant imagine how tough it must be!! I’m not in the same situation so cant offer you the advice that you are after but I will say that I have found finding out that I am pregnant extremely difficult to deal with, at first I was distraught – I was in tears constantly and thought that my life was over, I wasn’t picking up the phone and was shutting everyone off.

I have known for around 5 weeks now and would still say that I’m not at ease with it but I certainly do not feel anywhere near like I did, I am taking that as an indication that in time the way I’m feeling is only going to get better and I’m sure it will be the same for you. It will take you time to get your head round everything but you will eventually.

I was also with my previous bf for 6 years and my feelings towards him totally changed; it was the scariest thing ever. I moved out and in with my Dad for a couple of years and have now met my boyfriend who is my complete sole mate and we have bought a house together. I didn’t think I would be able to move on the way that I have but in time it happens.

Sorry If I have just totally babbled a lot of useless nonsense xx

 

[Frog99]

I feel really sorry for you - hun. Might it just be your hormones playing up? - I know since I found out I've been up and down like a roller coaster.

My boyf has been very supportive - although also a little neurotic. The first few things he came out with when I told him were hilarious, within the space of an hour he'd produced a list of DIY jobs that needing doing before the baby and re-made our holiday plans and all sorts of other stuff - I found it quite amusing. He wants to be involved in everything and I too am going for a vaginal scan this week and am not sure about my boyf being in the room - I don't even let him in the bathroom while I'm having a wee so certainly don't want him to see whatever's going to happen to me.

I think people react differently to the news. I'm terrified to be honest - it didn't really sink in how much I wanted the baby until I started thinking I'd miscarried (wont know for sure until Thurs) but I'm trying to stay positive.

You might find that in a couple of weeks you change your mind about things - either get back with your boyf or feel strong enough to tackle things on your own.

Sorry I can't be more help but maybe you blocking your boyf out and him being needy is just your own ways of dealing with it at the moment.

 

[Jade89]

I learned from my last pregnancy - Don't let the OH irritate you!

It's more than likely hormones, it's happening to me again, just him eating a bag of crisps irritates the s**t out of me but I have to block it out because last time we ended up splitting up, I smashed up his playstation & cut the wires etc...It was just me over reacting and being silly!

Hope you do whats best

 

[JayK2387]

Hey hun,

I felt EXACTLY the same with my bf when I first got pregnant.

I went off him completely... I did not want to be with him!! At the scan I didnt want him there. He annoyed the hell outta me and I just kept thinking that i was stuck.

Now Im head over heals for him again, all the love has come back and I hate being without him.

Its probably your hormones babe, little buggers they are... xx

 

[Barbiexx]

Aww hun, it must be really hard for you, but maybe like the others said it is just out hormones playing up?

Maybe just have a think about what it is that is annoying you about him, and take time for yourself to see if you could work through it

But if not, then yes it will be hard, but definately not the end of the world. Im doing this alone, and I know its going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but it will be worth it at the end

 

[Lyonsb]

Thanks ladies for all your lovely replies x x

I've just spent some time apart from him and it made me think that I missed him so I'm hoping that once my hormones sort themselves out or even if it takes until the baby is born, my feelings for him might go back to how they were.

Anyway, let me take this chance to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and New Year and I send lots of love to you, your babies and your families.

Brooke x x x x x

 

[prunella1]

I'm sorry you're feeling so up and down! I can't definitely identify with some of what you're saying - since I found out I've been miserable and finding it hard ot get motivation to get off the sofa. Normally I cook and spend lots of time in the kitchen - havn'et done that at all lately and my normally quite healthy eating has taken a nosedive. Feeling bloated and miserable about that. Also tearful - not a good look for a teacher, so have been off work for a few days.

I feel like I should be ecstatic all the time but it's not that simple - we have to adjust our career expectations and our perceptions of our bodies, at the same time coping with feeling rough and trying not to tell the wrong people. I went for an early scan yesterday - it was possible that I would have needed a vaginal scan and I certainly wouldn't have wanted my husband there!

Nothing you're saying sound unusual to me - the thing is, no matter how involved men are, they just can't understand exactly how you're feeling and never will.

 

[sunshine_gal]

OMG Brooke, look how close to the 12 week mark you are... FAB...x... Love you, miss you so much...

 

[babyblonde]

Don't have any advice hun as have never been in your situation and wouldn't insult you trying to pretend I know how you feel.

So, I'm just going to send you a big and let you know we are all here if and when you need us
(and hopefully some of the others are more helpful than I am!)