all i ever do is moan :(

[pinkjumper]

I feel like i only ever post moaning things on here and then don't have the energy to respond properly to the replies i get, so i will understand completely if no one can be bothered to write back to me. just feeling a bit strange before christmas, i've come to stay with my dad and left my bf at home. and i just feel like i don't miss him at all. it's like, this weird feeling of 'i don't care' about everything, and he's the focus of it. i just keep questioning our whole relationship in my head, and wondering if it's enough, or what it will be like with a baby, and this other thought i keep having about how his job is ruining my chances of living in a cottage in cornwall which is apparently now my strongest desire in life ??? didn't know this before but i just realised it today!!!

is this normal? im just so tired all the time, and i think i might resent him because he's really happy about the baby, and i dont know if im happy, i think i am, but then im also scared and trying to be realistic, and he's just so positive about it, and since our big bust up every time ive gone mad he's been really good and supportive...i just ...

i feel like i dont really care about him that much or something. it's like im glad to be away from him because here, where i grew up, none of it is really happening. i'm just mySELF again. im not getting married. im not really having a baby. im single and i want to go and live in a cottage by the sea.......................

i promise i will try to reply to any replies i get, i really do find this place incredibly helpful, im just a disaster all round at the moment and when im not sleeping im crying or feeling sick or generally just wanting to kill people or this NEW thing which is a kind of...

apathy. that's the word. i just don't care. i keep having these thoughts like, if it dies, it will be a relief. i even think about my bf dying, and how that might be a relief too. because i wont have to do any of this shit any more and i can just get back on with being me again.

it sounds so TERRIBLE, and icouldnt say this ANYWHERE else but here. but these are the thoughts! what can i do? it's like i can't feel anything

 

[BabyBrain]

Welcome to hormone city hun. Kiss goodbye to being rational, level headed and sensible. Say hello to tantrums, tears and crazy desires.

I feel so ungrateful, I've waited so long for my baby and all I've done is moan lol. I'm tired, in pain and I look an absolute mess. Time is going too quickly for me to feel in control, I have no money to get all the stuff I want/need for the baby. No-one else matters now apart from my little boy, not me, not his daddy or the rest of the family.

That cottage sounds lovely and everyone needs a dream, it's the one thing no-one can take away from us. Being pregnant is so overwhelming sometimes and not always is a nice way. It highlights our failings and shows us everything we wanted to achieve and haven't. But most of us feel the same one way or another, you just have to dust yourself off and take each day as it comes.

Don't be too hard on yourself sweetie xxxxxxxxx

 

[frankie247]

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It's just your brain trying to put everything in perspective. You are also tired and hormonal and somewhat scared or nervous and all those things combined make you feel the way you do. It won't last forever, the apathy will wear off and be replaced with something else. Try not to worry just go with the flow xx

 

[babyem]

I want to just run over and give you a massive hug and say its going to be ok!!! Its alot to deal with x

 

[coruscating17]

Aww you poor thing. I think hormones have a lot to answer for! I do think if it's becoming overwhelming you should go to see your Dr or MW though as you could have mild depression and they may be able to help. I think when we're younger we expect that when we fall pregnant everything will be amazing and easy and perfect. No-one tells you about the constant worry about the baby, hormones, worry about money, how you'll cope etc. But I reckon it'll get easier as you progress through your pregnancy and if it doesn't it certainly will when your baby is in your arms Just try to enjoy your break at your Dad's and really clear your head. If you think you and your boyfriend are having problems you need to discuss it with him when you get home..best to get things sorted before baby arrives as you'll need each other more than ever then. xx

 

[Jayjay027]

I think you should definitely see a dr or some kind of professional. You need to talk these feelings through with someone qualified to deal with it.

I don't think wanting ur baby or bf to die is normal. When it comes to hormones, I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt. And I don't think any of what ur feeling can be classed as 'normal' in pregnancy.

I've thought this for a while, because of ur previous posts, u just don't seem to be coping at all. And u need to nip it in the bud before ur baby arrives!

I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but its just my opinion I really hope u learn to deal with all this. X

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[pregpixie76]

ill be seeing a mental health team once im refered cause i really dont do pregnancy well.i got pre-natal then post with oldest then post after my second which means im prone to it again.my oh is trying tp be as supportive as poss but when i start saying i cant do this it really freaks him out.id never get rid of it but when u feel crappy sick n scared its so easy to over react because of hormones.
contary to popular belief feeling this way during or after birth is pretty common its just rarely vocalised.so u are not abnormal or alone in feeling the way u do.
first time mothers to be generally have no clue unless they are trained mental health professionals or midwives n even then unless u experience it its still hard to fully understand.there is help out there.dont be afraid to ask for it if u need it, and pls know that as your preg progresses u might feel a lot better or after the baby is born.

 

[pinkjumper]

thanks everyone, yes i might mention it to the midwife ive got an appt in january. and i didn't mean i 'want' them to die, i dont want them to die in an active way i just mean, i dunno, like if that happened i wouldnt have to worry about anything. i dont really mean it

 

[BevG]

you can get prenatal depression and so you need to watch out for things like that and id deffo talk about it with the doctor or midwife

 

[pregpixie76]

i really wanted a bottle of wine yesterday because of how i was feeling,i ended up taking my benzo hours early drank sparkling grape juice n chilled out by watching loads of christmas films online.pregnancy can be all to mind consumming.my oh and my mw have told me to just take each day as it comes.thats the best advice someone can give.

 

[pinkjumper]

thanks everyone. to be honest today has been even worse. a woman shouted at me this morning cos my dog jumped on hers in the park and i felt so mental afterwards. i didnt really stick up for myself properly, even tho my dog was doing nothing wrong and hers was fine it was SHE that minded. then after she walked off i started feeling so crazy and - cant believe i did this - but i just cant control myself at the moment - i shouted - i mean screamed at the top of my voice 'why are some people such snooty C**TS' and then started crying hysterically. i have been so depressed about it all day, i just cant shake it. the only good thing really is that in my sadness i realised the person i really wanted to talk to was my bf, he's the only person who makes me feel better and safe in that situation. so that was nice. and he did. he is a good person who loves me and i am an awful person who thinks about him being dead so i dont have to be a wife and mother.

does anyone else feel like being pregnant makes you... POROUS????

i feel like everything is louder, more intense, smells, noises, thoughts, feelings, experiences, im usually quite a calm person but thats not the first time since preggo that ive shouted at someone in the street - the other day a man was looking at me weird and muttering under his breath at me which im usually quite good at ignoring but NO - this time i just screamed GO AWAAAAAY at him and stormed off.

and today i cried again in the afternoon in case when the baby is born my dog will feel unloved.

aaaaaaaargh just hope i wake up feeling happier tomorrow

 

[coruscating17]

Sounds like you need to speak to your midwife before your appointment hun. They are there for support so I'd her her a call and explain everything. Hormones can cause very intense feelings in some people...it's not your fault, it's just the way it is. I remember my friend telling me about her rages in pregnancy when she is normally the happiest, lovliest person you'd ever meet...she just couldn't stop herself x

 

[Jayjay027]

U won't wake up magically feeling better. U need to speak to someone before you get really out of control. X

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[jacy90]

Really sorry to hear you're feeling like this..
Pregnancy is hard for some people, in many different ways. So many changes are going on, you've never experienced before. Was talking to a friend of mine who has two older children and she said to me, 'Prepare to go through some major changes and swings - I hated my partner and wanted nothing to do with him, I felt repulsed, and then a month later I couldn't get enough of him'. So you're not the only one that's felt like you do!
Also, completely agree with you with the 'porous' thing. I think that everything can get quite overwhelming. Was doing some last minute Christmas shopping the other day and I was getting so annoyed with everyone, I ended up shouting at a shop assistant, saying that he was an idiot.
Anyways, what I'm getting it is you need to try and chill out a bit (which I know is hard), and remember that you're not alone. Definately get professional help if you feel like it's getting too much for you, but please make sure you're ready to receive help if you do go for help, because you'll only end up making yourself worse.
Big love to you, hope that you start to feel better soon. Some time away like you're doing, might really help. xx

 

[BabyBrain]

There are specialist pregnancy counsellors nowadays, give your gp or mw a ring as soon as the holidays are over hun xxxxxxxxxx