I know its early but am I depressed?

[leanne1b]

Hi,
I know some of you from the third trimester, but I just gave birth exactly one week ago to a gorgeous little boy.
I have always been aware of PND as I had it with my first, but I just don't know. The day my son was born, I wanted so badly to be happy, but I just felt numb? I didn't look at him as see him as mine, but during Friday night that changed and I love him so much.
However, I am extremely tearful, feel a bit off with my 3 year old daughter (I just don't feel as close to her as normal) and I hate myself for that because she is so important to me, I don't want to see or speak to anyone, but my partner, literally I don;t want him to leave the room even, I just feel lost if hes not here.
Also, I've alays had anxiety issues, which got a bit worse in pregnancy, but are now worse than ever. I mean about anything. The obvious is to do with the safety of my children, I freak out something will happen to them. But it goes as far as having hardcore panic attacks about global warming, being around lots of people, noisy places, being alone, my partner leaving me becuase I'm like this, I'm even trying to work out how to tell one of my closest mates I can;t be her Maid of Honour in May because her wedding is on a boat (Wedding=Noise, lots of people, and its on a boat=I'm freaking my daugter will fall off and drown) I don't now what to do.
I'm literally so scared, of everything. And though he tries, my bf doesn't understand and I'm scared he won't be able to cope with me and leave me.
I love my children so so much and just want to feel happy and normal. I know in myself this isn't baby blues, but I don't know if its PND or anxiety being OTT. I can't live like this, I just want to enjoy life, but I'm too scared to do anything. Sorry for going on
x

 

[FebMum2Be]

Oh hun It does sound like you need to speak to someone, do you still have a MW visiting? The PND test wasn't offered to me until my son was like 4 months old! Which was ridiculous if you ask me, I would speak to a doctor or MW I could trust and just remember hun nobody is going to judge you, they will want to help.. They can offer counseling, 1 on 1 or relationship.. They may even prescribe you some tablets to take the edge off things.. Of course, we are always here to help.. Maybe another woman who has went through the same thing, I hope you find some peace soon hun and we are here e v e r y d a y, so don't ever feel like you are alone, good luck xxxxx

 

[leanne1b]

Yeah my Mw still comes, at first it was to keep checking my blood pressure, but she didnt check it last time as is coming tomorrow again. I've mentioned it to her, but only in passing really. This is going to sound a bit silly, but what is a PND test? I don't remember them doing one on me last time.
Thanku so much for your reply. I just feel so crappy, and so upset that I'm not one of those overjoyed mums who is loving every minute. Its upsetting me so much because I really want to be like that, I just can't feel it.
I'll try and speak to my MW about it more tomorrow and I'll post an update. Thanku again
xx

 

[FebMum2Be]

It can't be a nice feeling hun, but the first step is the biggest and that's to make your feelings known the post natal depression test.. Basically the HV gave me a sheet with several questions, I then had to choose an answer.. The questions were like: How often do you feel happy? And I had to answer either; never, rarely, sometimes, all the time (prob not those exact words but you get the drift).. The questions also consisted of, did I feel if something went wrong it was my fault, had I ever had thoughts of self harming, did I blame myself daily for things that didn't work out right.. There were about 15 questions in total.. I think it's a more recent thing as PND wasn't really looked into before.. Not 100% if they do it everywhere though (I live in NI).. Let me know how you get on tomorrow and remember it's okay to cry and bawl just let it all out I had ante natal depression and I have never opened up like I did with my doctor, I cried, I talked, I cried some more and I laid everything out on the table.. I truly believe doing that, and taking the first step is what helped me get back on track Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxxx

 

[leanne1b]

Hi,
Sorry I havent got on earlier. I spoke to my midwife, and she phoned my doctors surgery and got me an appointment for this Monday to get my GP to assess me I think. I felt a bit better yesterday evening, but have been hellish today. Just spent the day with tears coming down, and I can;t even remember why now? The MW is back tomorrow though so I'll speak to her again.
I'm just so frustrated because I hate being like this, and I can't get my partner to understand, I just don't want to see or speak to anyone and while is he very supportive, he can't understand what goes through my head, I'm not being difficult, I just feel numb, I don't want to see them, and I get so stressed if anyone is near my baby because he is not safe with anyone other than me or my partner.
Sorry for going on xx