I just can't take to OHs son

[baby1201]

My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship aged 5 and 3. I get on fine with the little girl who is 3 but I just can't take to his son whom is 5. He is aggressive, boisterous, tries telling me what to do and doesn't listen to a word I say, also he is very sneaky and does things when his Dad isn't around (he tried holding my one year old son's head to the floor infront of me the other day until I stopped him and he just laughed at me). I really can't stand the child and he can do no wrong in his dad's eyes. I once brought up his behaviour to my oOH which resulted in him splitting up with me for 2 weeks and his told me if I ever "bad mouth" his son again that will be the end for us. I'm at a loss cause of what to do about the situation and I think my oh is totally unreasonable about it.

 

[JD.Deedee]

If he is staying in your house while your OH isn't there let him know that he'll listen to you! I would've given him a piece of my own mind. My OH's son or his brother whom are now 13 and 12 never gave me any shit and they wouldn't dream of doing so.

 

[purpleslurple]

To me, the fact that your OH speaks to you in this way, suggests a total lack of respect. If your OH wants his son to be part of your wider family then he needs to be treating you with respect otherwise his son isn't going to! It must be really difficult for you but sorry, it sounds like your OH is a bit of a bully. Is there anyone you can speak to? A friend or family member who knows you all and could give their perspective? xxx

 

[baby1201]

I haven't really got anyone I can speak to about this situation no. I think my oh is ridiculous in that if I say anything he doesn't like then that's it he basically won't speak to me for a week, not adult behaviour if you ask me. Thing is I don't really know him that well but feel abit trapped with him, met him in december and unplanned pregnancy in january, just my luck I can tell you! He is trying to rush me into living with him, which I have serious doubts about. Given bad past relationships I am trying to stand ny ground and stick up for myself, although sometimes it just seems easier to keep my mouth shut to avoid all the hassle of an arguement.x

 

[redbear]

Its hard because the kiddie is only five and from experience with friends boys they go through a nasty stage, but they seem to come out of the other side of it after a while and turn nice again. It is frustrating though and ive found myself thining 'oohh you little sheite' but then a year later there lovely little boys again and they will be kind and lovely. Id think at five it will be an age thing than a personality thing and if you can id try ride it out for a bit, talk to OH if you can but with kids you always take it personally. xx

 

[JD.Deedee]

I agree with all the other comments!

And you know what you have the strings in your own hands you know. Let him say he's going to break up with you but he's pushing you to come live with you? I'd turn those tables around and take this in your stride, if he wants to make it work as a bigger family with you and your new baby he'll have accept that his son will have to respect you when he is at your house and he will have to listen to you. Maybe in some cases his dad should discipline him if you feel like it's not your place to do so. With rules you got to be strict and talk about this to your OH especially if he wants you to move in And keep in mind sometimes men are just dicks and can be little kids will never change x

 

[baby1201]

Men are dicks you got that right! Another arguement tonight via text, I told him I didn't want to rush moving in with him as I'm worried about losing my independence and if I say anything to him his moody and I can't live in an environment like that. His reply was there is no point in us being together then. It's getting to the point where I can't express my feelings or he doesn't speak to me for a week, god help me if I were to bring up his son. Why are men such hard work!

 

[redbear]

I can see it from both sides, he feel hurt he isn't good enough for you maybe expressing that through silence and moodiness but you shouldn't have to deal with it. how long have you been together if you don't mind me asking? xx

 

[JD.Deedee]

Men are dicks you got that right! Another arguement tonight via text, I told him I didn't want to rush moving in with him as I'm worried about losing my independence and if I say anything to him his moody and I can't live in an environment like that. His reply was there is no point in us being together then. It's getting to the point where I can't express my feelings or he doesn't speak to me for a week, god help me if I were to bring up his son. Why are men such hard work!

Don't know I don't have a penis

Stick with your independence chick! Imagine having to live with someone whose going to ignore you for a week in your own house. Let him know you're quite happy to listen to his concerns and perhaps where he is being insecure as you being a couple and taking things a little slower than he wants to atm you can always move in if things go the right way between you too nearer to the end of your pregnancy
Just let him know he can't force you into anything or guilttrip you into it iykwim x

 

[baby1201]

That's what I have been saying to him tonight, I can't live in a house with him when he goes in a mood at the slightest thing and doesnt speak to me for a week. I don't feel secure with him so do not feel comfortable giving up my independence yet, plus I have my one year old son to think about. Which is another issue that he comments on how I parent him where I am not allowed to mention anything about his son.
This is the thing redbear I have only been with him since December and accidentally fell pregnant within a month so now I feel I should try and make it work, 2 kids by 2 dads that I'm not with doesnt look great on me but on the other hand I can't see this being a forever relationship at all x

 

[redbear]

That's what I have been saying to him tonight, I can't live in a house with him when he goes in a mood at the slightest thing and doesnt speak to me for a week. I don't feel secure with him so do not feel comfortable giving up my independence yet, plus I have my one year old son to think about. Which is another issue that he comments on how I parent him where I am not allowed to mention anything about his son.
This is the thing redbear I have only been with him since December and accidentally fell pregnant within a month so now I feel I should try and make it work, 2 kids by 2 dads that I'm not with doesnt look great on me but on the other hand I can't see this being a forever relationship at all x

Things happen having two kids to two dads is nothing to be ashamed about! Maybe have a talk with him and explain your not going to just stick with someone who is so moody just because of the baby because the baby doesn't need to see its mum unhappy xx

 

[baby1201]

Thanks for the advise. Whatever I say just seems to make things worse, but I'm not going to be bullied into anything which is what I feel he is doing to me at the moment. He said he split up with his ex because they were arguing all the time, well I can see why now. I do get myself into some situations!x

 

[redbear]

Don't we all! Maybe give it one more shot of talking to him and if you get no where then at least you know you tried. Its difficult with nuclear families especially when its still the honeymoon faze xx

 

[nicejuicypear]

Bit late to the thread with this, only just read it, but I think there's some big alarm bells ringing for you here. He sounds very manipulative and a bully and not at all the kind of man that you want to be raising children with. You cannot have a reasonable adult relationship with someone who ignores you when you make a point he doesn't like, he's forcing you to be quiet or risk losing him, to conform to his way of thinking. It's emotional blackmail.

I understand your concerns about having a child but not living with the father but I think it will be healthier for both of your children in the long run for you to be alone.

The double standards re parenting are only the tip of the iceberg. If this is what he's like when you've got your own space, how much worse is it going to get when you're living with him full time? I actually think your relationship has the potential to develop into an abusive situation.

 

[baby1201]

Thanks for your reply. I think I must attract them to be honest, I was in an abusive relationship with my sons father and had to move miles away into a refuge. I've stayed over here but I haven't really got to know many people and feel very 'on my own' apart from this relationship if you can call it that with this man. This man started off as being lovely and couldn't do enough for me but that didn't take long to change. I would love to move back home where I would have the support network of my family but I'm just scared of the grief I will get from my sons father and don't know if I would be putting my children at risk in doing so.x

 

[redbear]

Hugs hun, your have done so good to get yourself out of that situation you should be so proud. And well done for not walking into the potential of another, im terrible I try to always see good in people so I would still have a talk, but defiantly keep your own space until your 100% sure he is a good man underneath, maybe he is that kind man but having a little panick with the new baby on it way.

 

[nicejuicypear]

That's a difficult situation to be in, stuck between a rock and a hard place. At least back home you'd have the support of your family, I guess you just have to weigh up the pros and cons of both places. I hope you manage to resolve the situation.

 

[Applecrumble]

Hi...i personally think listern to your gut...do not move in with him..from your past history you have to be responsible for your son and bean and not get them and yourself in another situation. Sounds like the issue is not oh son but the oh!

Good luck and as redbear said, be proud that you got out of an abusive relationship, but be super wary of not falling into another one...xxxx