I dunno whats wrong with me..

[charlotteheys85]

I feel such a bad person saying this, and i really dont want anyone to think bad of me, or mis judge me :'( but i have to get it off my chest..

i came off the pill in Sep 07.. and fell pregnant in dec, ended in M/c.. well more of a chemical pregnancy, after this happened i wanted a child so so much more than i thought.. and fell pregnant again in Feb with my iccle bubs.. me and OH were overmoon, shocked excited every emotional possible. wheni came off pill, we knew it'd end in a Baby, but it still shocked us..

Anyway, i really want a child.. and i really really care for my unborn, and i love watching and feeling him kick, and i think of being a mummy etc..

and it scares the Hell out of me, to the point.. I dont think i want to be a Mum?!?

i feel so so so selfish saying this, and please dont judge me :'( I'm just not mentally or physically ready, i thought i was.. i wanted this, it wasnt a mistake.. people go through so so much to have children, but yet i sit here saying this

i cant make it sound any nicer tho.. Am i depressed? Am i just scared of being a Mum, is this normal? am i being selfish? i just dont understand it.. i just dont feel right. :'(

 

[fran_23]

hey i was just reading an article i think it was in this weeks pick me up mag..it was about antenatal depression- except the girl in the article didn't feel anything for her baby and said she didn;t want it..but maybe you have a mild case..where you just feel scared and concentrate on negative thoughts about when the baby is born!

why don't you talk you fears over with your midwife/gp

its normal to feel scared and nervous to some degree but it shouldn't stress you out to the point where you feel you don't want to be a mum!

i hope you are ok hun

 

[louxlouxbellex]

Hun Your not selfish! Your normal! Your life is changing in a big way & your adapting to it.

Your hormones are going mad just now which will be making you feel down so please don't panic about this too much.

Our baby is 100% planned but it doesn't stop me from being scared no one will judge you for your feelings, if anything your stronger than some for actually admitting that your having a hard time

Sorry I'm rubbish at giving advice but I hope you feel better soon

 

[lea m]

Sweetie, your about to do something that is going to change your life forever! Nobody can take on something like that and be 100% ok with it! No matter how planned and loved and wanted baby is, it is something that your brain has to get around and can make feelings like yours!
As you know I have 3 children already, I planned this baby although it happened slightly quicker than expected!
There have been times where I have thought "what am I doing?" and a fear grips me! Now this is your first baby so that is bound to be 1000% worse!

Do not feel bad about yourself hun, you do love your baby and when he is born or even before things will sort themselves out you watch!
Though hun, just a side note, if these feelings get worse or too the point where it affects you daily and upsets you too much, please please go see the GP! It could be depression but right now I would bet on emotions, nerves and everything else all mushed up!!

 

[charlotteheys85]

thanks so much for nice replys, was scared of response i'd get.. i love watching my belli grow and feeling kicks etc.. but i'm finding it really hard to want to be a mum, this only started about a month ago, but slowly gettin worse each day, Oh is good, and trys to re-assure me its because i'd going to be a good mum, that i want the best for my Son etc, and scared i cant give him everthin he needs etc...

i never thought i'd feel like this.. its so hard to explain..
At first i put it down to not being able to drink/go out etc.. but now i know that was a cover up for my really feelings..

tellin your girls has helped alot too thank you..

i want my baby to be safe, and would never wish anythin bad on him, i just dont feel ready to be a mum.. but there again, theres never a right time..

its just when he kicks, i dont feel anything "magic" i used to get this big smile on my face, sooo happy, magical etc.. but now i just feel its one step closer to meetin him, oh i duno.. i cant even feelings into words. xx

 

[charlotte_]

i can really relate to the way you feel. my pregnancy wasn't planned, and at first i certainly wasn't happy about it, i'm still young at 18 & the prospect of being a mother scared me (i even went to the abortion clinic 4 times!), but after a proper talk with my mum i realised this is what i want.
sometimes, i still get the feeling of 'oh my god wtf am i doing? how will i cope?!' and i feel guilty too, but i think it's a perfectly normal thing to feel that all women go through.

 

[nori]

Hiya,

Theres not much else i can add to whats already been said to be honest. I think your feelings are completely natural and it sounds like you are just plain scared!

Make sure you keep talking about your feelings though and dont bottle things up.

Hope you feel better soon,

Claire x

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

All the lovely laides before have said it already

But here's a hug from me

I've been getting really annoyed with bumpy the last 2 weeks because he's got a lot stronger and I can get really sick to the back teeth of his constant jumping around. The kicks are getting quite uncomfortable (must be practicing karatee(sp) in there...takes after his dad then! lol!)
I do feel mean and grumpy...but I can't help that even though it was more or less planned and I'm exstatic about the fact I'm going to be a mum....when he's doing back flips and/or when I can't bend down to pick up soemthing I've dropped I just want my body back!

 

[charlotteheys85]

thanks again for the replys girls..

after talking to you girls and reading replys, and talking to my OH i think this is just a minor blip, your all right, i'm just scared etc..
but its only because i want to be a really good mum, and to give my son everything i possible can..

also i grew up without a mum, so never really knew where the mother role came in, and so did my OH, so i think thats scared me a lil bit, thinking maybe i wont be needed? Also i am not on speaking terms with my mym, as she is not mentally all there, she almost destroyed mine and my brothers and sisters and my dads lifes, but he fort and fort for us etc, i can honestly say i hate my mum for good reason, i just dont ever want my son to hate me. i think all this adds up to me being scared...

but i know i'll be a good mummy, and i will do everythin i can to give him what he wants and needs, we can all only do our best at end of day

thanks girlies xxx

 

[ninjawomble]

You'll be a brilliant Mummy, because you have experience of what a mum shouldnt be, and because you just will ok?

We all get cold feet at any big experience in life(marriage, babies etc), its completely natural. Just remeber to always get if off your chest and dont bottle things up, thats what we are here for, as well as family and friends.

Your baby is very lucky to have you

 

[lea m]

Oh Charlotte no wonder your so scared!!
You will be a brilliant mum Charlotte!

 

[charlotteheys85]

girls you made me cry

in a good way tho, thanks sooo much, means so much to know people think like that for me..

i duno what i'd do without this site..

hormones.. hehe xx xx

 

[Chrissy1]

Plenty of hugs from me too....

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I'm 32, in a loving marrige, we both have good jobs and a nice home with lovely families around us and I'm still terrified of having this baby, even though we were trying for almost a year to get it.

I do fear the actual labour and birth but that's only because I really hate the unknown.

On top of that I'm scared of what kind of mum I'll be......I'm can sometimes be a bit stern and moody and I've have ZERO patience and I'm so worried that I just haven't got the patience for a baby. To top that off the baby is moving so much now and it's getting so strong it's sometimes really uncomfortable that I actually don't like the feeling, I love to feel it from a reassurance point of view don't get me wrong but it's a sensation I don't really like.

I'm just trying to think that baby is on it's way and no matter what happens I will be the best mum I can be. We're both lukcy in that it sounds that you, like me have a really supportive OH who will be there to help out and give us as much help as we need

just wanted you to know you're not alone.......it's a scary time for us first time mum's!!

 

[charlotteheys85]

thanks for the reply chrissy..

its re-assuring to know, even when married in own house etc that its scary.

im currently living with my dad (i'm 20) with OH.. we have 2rooms in the house, as house quite big, its not ideal but its good whilst were saving, plus OH is lookin at going bk into Army..
so with all this etc i think i'm just scared, also as you said about OH being a lil wriggler.. mine is too, and i feel bad, but sometimes think, "just stay still" lol.. but then when he doesnt move, i'm like.. where you gone? hehe...

i'm def feelin alot more positive today, thank you xxx

 

[NooNoo]

hey hun i know weve already talked about this but just wanted to say it again

i know exactly what you mean...i remember exactly those feelings..having a baby is THE most scariest exciting best thing you will ever do...but once it kicks in ur gonna be a mum naturally u will thnk your gonna fail (cos thats the kinda person u are...just like i am)

charlotte you are one of my best mates (the best actually but bighead hehe) you will be a great mummy no matter what happens and you know i will be there for you all the time

i still get these feeling now. like on a friday when i see all my friends going out then coming home at god knows what time lol and for a while i think mmmm i should be doing that..

but then i look at my little girls face and she gives me her special mummy smile...my heart melts and id give up ANYTHING for that little woman...like i said its harder when your baby isnt here...but it wont be long i promise...

we'll be sat there with little mr and miss soon laughing at them!!!!!!

 

[Chrissy1]

thanks for the reply chrissy..

sometimes think, "just stay still" lol.. but then when he doesnt move, i'm like.. where you gone? hehe...

That's exactly what I'm like....when it's kicking and hurting me I'm talking to my bump and telling it to stop but then if I don't feel it for more than about an hour I'm prodding at my tummy just to make it move again!!

glad you're feeling better