I can't get pregnant ..advice please

[scared24667]

I'm 31 and have been trying for a baby for 3 years.
In these 3 years we have had sex every other day.
I've been scared to go to the doctors and today is cycle day 21 and I've managed to get an apt at 3.20pm.
Shall I go?or wait a few more months.
What do I say?
How do I explain?
I feel like a failure.

 

[MrsS15]

You absolutely should go. Most GPs will see you after a year, maybe 2, of ttc so you're definitely doing the right thing. Just go in and explain you've been ttc for 3 years and not fallen pregnant yet. She'll probably ask some questions like what have you tried, have you tested for ovulation etc. As you're cd21 if you have a 28 day cycle she may do a blood test to test for ovulation!

Please don't feel like a failure. I've just had ivf after struggling to conceive and I'm now pregnant. I felt at times my body had let me down but you do what you have to do. And that begins with going to the GP and getting the ball rolling!

Lots of luck, let us know how you get on xx

 

[Wren83]

Definitely go. Don't feel like a failure!!
What are your cycles like, regular? What do you do to track your cycles?
Once you've gone you'll feel like a weight has been lifted. I expect they will refer you and your partner for some simple tests. If you keep any kind of log of your cycles I'd take that, just in case they ask questions the log could help you with. Good luck xx

 

[scared24667]

The last few months I've had 28 day cycle but sometimes it's 30 day cycle.
My boyfriend isn't wanting to get tested yet as he says it's more then likely my problem so I hope they will just test me as he is causing me more worry.
Then if they say I'm ok then he will go to doctors.

 

[KatD]

Hey sweetie! First off, like the other ladies said and many more will agree, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! Secondly, not to burst your boyfriends bubble but he can't be sure it's not his sperm unless he gets tested. Now, agreed, it will be no use to argue the point with him, so go ahead and get all your tests done with the GP. If there is something wrong, which is far more common than one would think, you can address it. I would still strongly urge him to do a sperm count, you can order home kits so that he can do it in privacy, men can be very sensitive in this regard as it has everything to do with ego. He can feel scared to bits that there is a problem with him and that he is the reason for not being able to give you both a baby. Unfortunately it's going to be a tip toe situation (handle with care). At least if you get all your tests done you can comfort him and encourage him to go. I wish you only the very best, and this forum is filled with supportive and compassionate users who can write books about the stresses of the TTC journey. We are all here for you and your partner!

 

[Wren83]

That's a typical male ego speaking there! I'd be slightly annoyed with that but I agree with KatD, get your tests done and maybe go down the home kit route for your partner.
Maybe while you wait you could try ovulation sticks or charting your bbt (I don't know much about that but others could help).
How did your appt go? X

 

[scared24667]

I feel like I've been totally fobbed off by the doctor.
She said I'm probably trying too hard.
She said she's going to refer for bloods then I would have to go down ivf route.
I don't even know what the problem is yet?
I thought they did a ultrasound of ovaries etc?
I explained I get pain in my right ovary and leg and about my pain in rectum on period but she said it was normal
I don't want to go down ivf route straight away..I wanted to get to the bottom of the pain in my ovary etc
I feel downhearted now.

 

[liz85]

I had to fight for an uss with my gp. He said it was pointless and wouldn't show anything. I still argued that I needed one and he sent me. Iv a large ovarian cyst and I'm waiting to go to theatre. If your not happy get a 2nd opinion. Best of luck xx

 

[scared24667]

How would I go about getting a full fertility check?
Checking ovaries? Eggs etc?
Is that possible?
Would I need to go private?

 

[liz85]

I got bloods and an ultrasound scan on the NHS. Husband got a SA on the NHS. I went private to get my AMH I think it's called. If your trying more than two years the gp should do some checks and refer you to a specialist. I'm waiting for my appointment for a specialist end of may.

 

[scared24667]

Thankyou for your help.
I found it really odd how my doctor never mentioned any types of fertility tests just refer for ivf.
She said the blood test to check for tsh and anemia ..
It's got me confused

 

[liz85]

I got Day 21 bloods aswell . They normally go through a health check aswell. Eg how long you have been trying, lifestyle weight height to check bmi. I got asked what I worked as, how much alcohol I would drink, do I smoker and how my diet was.

 

[scared24667]

I asked about day 21 bloods (as today was day 21) and she said they weren't necessary.
Everywhere I've read they say day 3 and day 21 bloods

 

[liz85]

My first gp said the same to me then the 2nd gp I got wanted them done. I think it can help Detect ovulation?

 

[Wren83]

Wow I'm shocked. Why on earth would you go straight for ivf without other tests, that's madness. Surely tests to check if you are ovulating, tests to check your partners sperm count, scans etc should all be done first?! I think maybe a second opinion is needed x

 

[andy2016]

I think it depends on the individual doctor on how they decide to deal with fertility problems.. First one we saw fobbed us off completely! After some advice on here we went back and got reffered to a fertility specialist after some basic tests. From the first appointment with the specialist it took 7 months to get a BFP. Seems very odd you would go straight to ivf from my experience and what I've read on here.

I think your partners attitude is pretty poor though, I wouldn't have dreamt of implying I thought that she was the problem even though she had irregular cycles. I tried to get tested before my partner as I knew she was uncomfortable with tests and appointments so if I needed anything I could get sorted without her needing to go through anything.

Good luck

 

[scared24667]

Thanks everyone for your advice and input.
I actually emailed a private clinic and they said it would cost £495 for bloods and scans but they said go back to gp and ask to be referred and I could attend with or without my partner for the tests.
Il try that route after my bloods are back with the doctor.

 

[scared24667]

I wish my partner was a bit more like that.
He is very old fashioned as in if its meant to be happen it will.
He just buries his head into the sand.

 

[andy2016]

Are you in the UK? If so it should be easy to be referred to a fertility clinic like we were, the gp ordered a few tests before our first appointment.. the fertility place took it from there. We're quite lucky being able to use a quiet less busy rural type hospital so waiting times for appointments were pretty much non existent, but unless there's a time limit or you aren't in the UK I don't think there's a need to pay a private clinic.

I was the one who pushed for appointments for us, the Mrs would have just kept going as we were! Was driving me mad I wanted her to be like the ladies on here lol

 

[treetrunks]

Usually you both have to be referred as a couple for fertility investigations?
My oh has dragged his feet on getting a sperm analysis for ages since he says he doesn't want to know if its low. (we have concieved but Mc). I really honestly believe its because they will tell him he needs to give up smoking and he cant do it/ doesn't want to.
The response your GP has given is bizarre? Does he/she not mean refer you for fertility treatment? I cant understand it?
Hope you get a second opinion, can you go to your practice nurse for advice perhaps? Feign an overall health check and then pick her brains on fertility? Xx