Husband has changed his mind

[Ttcfirsttime]

So I was convinced that this month I was pregnant but AF turned up!! My husband & I discussed trying for #1 at the start of the year & agreed that we had to sort ourselves out a bit first, weight, money etc. We haven't been ATAP & I think that's how I managed to convince myself I was pregnant. We spoke again last night as I want to start trying properly & my husband brought up more issues he even said that he didn't know if he wanted children, something he's never mentioned before.

To say I was upset was an understatement. Since I turned 30 my whole body has been screaming for a baby & I can't explain it. It's all I think about, Im bored at home because I feel like I should be looking after little people & I'm not.

Without sounding mad or putting any pressure on my husband, how do I try & explain that to him? I can't see us not having children & I think he's scared because of experience he's had with his family but I know he'd make a brilliant father. Anyone been in the similar situation??

 

[redbear]

Not having children is a massive decision and if both people want that it great, but if you want a baby now and dont because of your husband are you going to resent him in 10 years time?
I don't think you can force someone to be ready but on the other hand i think you need to talk about whats happening. whats changed his mind and is he certain, if he is its then up to you if you want to stand by your husband with the chance you may never have children, or walk away from a marriage. Both serious decisions. hopefully something has just spooked him and he will change his mind xx

 

[Ttcfirsttime]

It would be huge for me to accept that we would never have children if he truly felt like that but I married him because I love him & want to spend the rest of my life with him, not just to have children. In a way I'm glad he's being more honest about it because maybe it's something we can talk through.

Looking back I think hes had reservations from the start but hasn't been completely honest & now we are in a better position he's had to come clean. His sister is having a baby in June & I think when his niece / nephew is here he may think differently x

 

[redbear]

Yes i know really it would have been perfect if had told you early in the relationship such a huge thing. For me it would have been a dealbreaker as I knew I 100% wanted kids so made sure my dh was on the same page. Unfortunately for whatever reason he stayed quiet so you can't change that.
Hopefully you can have a talk and decide what you want to do together. It's good he is being honest with you now.

I hope his niece/ nephew changes his mind xx

 

[poppy86]

It's all I think about, Im bored at home because I feel like I should be looking after little people & I'm not.

Just curious - are you working or studying or anything? Boredom can cause real problems with the imagination and can lead to becoming depressed. We got a dog to curb that. Having a baby needs to be an emotionally heart-felt decision between the two of you.

I'm the same age as you, also 30, and WTT as I've just been put on statins and you can't take these if trying, so that's delayed things for us for a bit. My husband is on therapy now so we just have to let nature take it's course and see what happens after my initial course of statins has finished. I may be on them for life.

It doesn't help that I've been off work for the last 7 weeks signed off sick due to anxiety attacks and stress. I'm looking for a new job which will also delay things for us further, because I can't just get another job and leave 6 months later for maternity!

Life gets in the way of life I guess.