How to cope?

[Mariexo]

Hi everyone,

First of all I'd like to apologise as I know this thread has probably been posted a million and one times by other people, but I'm just looking for some advice really...

My DS was born 17th January 2018. OH and I decided we would like another baby as he is older than myself. We began trying after my AF returned which was 8th March. I ovulated on the 25th of March so OH and I BD'd. About 5 days later I began having some symptoms - nausea, headache, metallic taste in my mouth, sore gums, etc. I took some tests on the run up to my next AF and they all came back negative. I then was greeted by what I believed to be my AF on 3rd April which lasted only 3 days. After AF came to a finish, I began feeling the same sort of symptoms - nausea, headaches, metallic taste! So, I decided to go out on a whim and take a pregnancy test just to see and it came back positive - only faintly, but it was there.

A few days later I started having some pink discharge - I wasn't too concerned but in the back of my mind I was somewhat worried - mainly because how could it be that I know I ovulated on the 25th March and that would be when we conceived, and yet I still had my normal AF but was pregnant? I decided to go to the EPU on Monday 16th - they took their own pregnancy test and confirmed I was indeed pregnant but the line was still very faint. They ordered a blood test and my levels came back at 35. The nurse who called me told me they were concerned it would be a failing pregnancy.

I was ordered to have my levels taken again 48 hours later. They came back as more than double at a 75. The nurse who called advised me we'd need to have an ultrasound done on Friday 27th to rule out ectopic/miscarriage. Of course, me being such a panic, OH and I went for a private scan on Thursday 19th. The sonographer could not find anything at that point and said that it was probably too early. She did however confirm that I had a left adnexal simple cyst on my right ovary.

On Tuesday 24th March, I woke up with pain in my lower right stomach. When I pushed down into my bottom, the pain radiated into my rectum (sorry if TMI), so I was scared for ectopic pregnancy or that the cyst was giving me trouble. We went back to EPU and the doctor did an internal - she said everything seemed fine and she wasn't concerned for an ectopic pregnancy at all - that it was possibly just a cyst that was supporting the pregnancy. Later that day, the pain became unbearable. OH and I ended up going to A&E where they performed another blood test. In 5 days, my levels had gone from 75 to 345 - so they were quite happy with that. While I was waiting for the results from my bloods, I began bleeding lightly which very quickly trailed off to become a pink spotting - the pain also began to ease. I was ordered by the A&E Gnae Dr to go to EPU the following morning first thing for an ultrasound.

Unfortunately nothing could be seen on the ultrasound still but the sonographer confirmed the cyst was going and there was a small amount of fluid in my pelvis. She said it could still be too early to see anything on the ultrasound. The Dr advised me I would need to go back to A&E at night time 48 hours later for a repeat of my blood levels.

This morning I received a call that in 48 hours my levels had gone from 345 to 90.... I was completely gutted. The nurse advised it was going to be a miscarriage.

I think we all think this to ourselves - that it'll never happen to us. I mean I don't think anyone thinks it will happen to them or expects it to, and so when it does it comes as such a huge shock. I remember sitting here when I was pregnant with DS reading other ladies' posts about their losses and trying to figure out how it must feel to go through something like that - now I know and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I've experienced so much loss within my life in the last 10 years that I have no idea how to cope with any more of it. I am so very worried that this will tear OH and us apart.

For any of the ladies who have been through this, or know someone who has, do you have any tips on how to deal with a miscarriage? I fully know and expect that over time, things will get easier, and we will get through this, but with it being so fresh right now, we obviously cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel at this moment in time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much ladies xxx

Marie

 

[EFAR]

Hi I'm sorry for what's happening you're right wouldn't wish it for anyone
As it's fresh just let yourself grieve and cry... I cried so much when it happened to me . I even posted on here about how it's all I thought about and how i don't know how to cope
Grieve and let your husband grieve but also try and be positive about what life has given you . .. a healthy baby ... you're able to conceive and give birth and it's just a matter of time before you have another healthy pregnancy
Take it from someone who struggled and cried every day ... the pain goes away and life returns back to normal
But for now take it easy on yourself
X

 

[Mariexo]

Hi I'm sorry for what's happening you're right wouldn't wish it for anyone
As it's fresh just let yourself grieve and cry... I cried so much when it happened to me . I even posted on here about how it's all I thought about and how i don't know how to cope
Grieve and let your husband grieve but also try and be positive about what life has given you . .. a healthy baby ... you're able to conceive and give birth and it's just a matter of time before you have another healthy pregnancy
Take it from someone who struggled and cried every day ... the pain goes away and life returns back to normal
But for now take it easy on yourself
X

Thanks so much EFAR. You're very right - I even said to my OH when we found out, it just makes you so much more thankful for those you do have - and we are still so thankful for our DS and have been reminded of this since finding out about our loss. But sadly, having a healthy child already takes away no pain of the loss of another that could have been. I think the hardest part is loving my OH so deeply and knowing that the baby was a part of both of us and it feels like losing a part of him... If that makes any sense?

Thanks so much for your kind words, I appreciate it xx

 

[LucyC]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I think EFAR put it brilliantly, grieve for your loss with your husband, it does get easier over time but I don’t think the sense of loss ever goes away. Take it easy over the next few weeks and take care of yourself xx

 

[Mariexo]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I think EFAR put it brilliantly, grieve for your loss with your husband, it does get easier over time but I don’t think the sense of loss ever goes away. Take it easy over the next few weeks and take care of yourself xx

Thanks so much for your response Lucy. Right now it feels like the hill we are trying to get over is far too steep, but I know that in time, things will gradually become easier. But we shall never forget. Xx

 

[BunnyN]

So sorry for your loss. Similar to what the other ladies have said. Take time to grieve. Time definitely helps but it's not something that takes a couple of weeks to get over so give yourself plenty of time. Cry and talk about how you feel. Bottling your feeling up will only make it harder to heal in the long run. Try and express to OH how you feel so that he is able to support you. I realised that OH processes emotions differently to me so I couldn't just assume he knew how I felt and knew the right thing to say. As hard as it was in the end going through it together actually brought oh and I closer.

Hugs

 

[netty]

So sorry for your loss! One day at a time was key for me, and keep talking about it whether it be via forums or to your nearest and dearest because bottling it up is the worst thing you can do.

Its such a painful process to go through mentally and physically for you, time does take the edge off but i think we always carry our angels with us. I'll never forget my 1st due date when i had a MMC.

Make sure you invest your time in each other as it is so easy to drift apart on your own individual seas of grief xx