How soon do you/should you go back to normality after ERPC?

[Leo]

Hi Everyone

I am quite new to the site and I have to thank everyone for sharing their stories of miscarriage as it has helped me today.

Yesterday I had an ERPC. I found out my 10 week scan the baby had died at 8.5 weeks, this is our second miscarriage. The first was natural passing at 6 weeks. We have had such a journey to get here with two IVF cycles, second was a success but resulted in the miscarriage at 6 weeks. Then straight after we fell pregnant naturally with this little one. To say I am devastated is an understatement. So here I am with two miscarriages within 4 months of each other.

I am struggling to know what to do with myself. I have so many questions in my head which I hope some of you will be able to help. I don't know if I should go back to work? Tell my work colleagues? How do I pick myself up and move on? TBH I just want to hide away and pretend it hasn't happened. The thought of Christmas and trying to be jolly and happy is very hard. I am sure it would be hard no matter what time of year it had happened but it seems so much worse now.

If anyone could help/advise me of how to get through the next few weeks that would be great.

xx

 

[megsmeadow]

Hi Leo, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've no experience of ERPC as I had medical management to induce labour with my little girl. I'm here just over two weeks on, 'coping', and smiling and blubbering all in the space of a few hours each and every day.

One thing that has helped me is to write down a list of things that you can do to give yourself a boost. All the silly things that you know make you feel a bit more like you but don't when you're feeling crap. My things are taking a hot shower, getting outside for at least 10 minutes, making sure I have at least one hot meal a day. The list goes on but you get my point. Through it all it's really important for me to have a few moments in the day where I get a little pick me up, just for me, not for my loss or my family, just me.

I'm also going to start a wee memory book for my little one, we've gathered a lot of wee reminders in these last two weeks. And talk to people who will listen, respect and not try to 'fix'.
We're here, take care! x

 

[flisstebbs]

Hi Leo, so sorry you are going through this, and it is a bloody tough time of year to be doing it. I had my 4th mc and erpc 23rd Dec last year.

I can tell you what I did which was to be very open with everyone around me about what had happened including work, and I always went back to work super quick after each mc as it helped me to do that. However, I think that everyone has to deal with this in their own way. Do whatever helps you to get through this time. Surround yourself with people who love you and will let you talk about it if that helps.
Don't feel under pressure to be jolly and happy. I've always found that for one reason or another, Christmas is a hard time for a lot of people. It tends to highlight losses and missing people I find.

I always found I had a period 4 weeks after an erpc like clockwork and felt back to normal after a couple of days bar the last one where I lost a lost of blood (I was on blood thinners)

Meg, sounds like you are doing amazingly too. I wish you both happier times soon. x

 

[Elliott]

So sorry you've found yourself here.

I think I'm coming to realise everyone if different. I had a mmc at 10wks, stopped growing at about 8wks. Had erpc 6wks ago today and hormone levels still aren't back to normal so my cycle isn't back at all and still no period. But others in same situation have been back on track a lot quicker.

Emotionally I'm different everyday! Or is that every hour???

 

[Leo]

Thank you megsmeadow & flisstebbs . I have had a terrible day and to know others are out there to give support really helps. I love the idea of writing a list of things to achieve in the day. Tomorrow is another day & I hope I will get stronger as the days go on. I am planning on going back to work on Thursday as I know it will help.
Thanks again for your words of advice & support.

 

[Cazzie11]

So sorry you've had to go through this, it's the worst thing ever.

I had a mmc and found out at my 12 week scan that the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Had to have an erpc 2 weeks later. This was about 7 weeks ago. Found physically I felt ok after a few days although I bled for a week and a half then spotted for another week. Emotionally was a different story - took a while and although I'm doing well, there are still times when I cry. Still no period and like Elliot, my hormones are all over the place (just had a blood test today) but it seems it's unusual to have to wait this long. Most people get a negative result after a few weeks then period 4 - 6 weeks later. I doing going back to work helped as it took my mind off everything. I told some people at work and they were so lovely, turns out a few had the same thing then went onto have a few children!

You'll be fine, just remember everyone's here to offer support and advice xx

 

[Hopeful75]

So sorry to hear your news.
I had my third (natural) mc a month ago, after 2 mmc in July 12 and July 13 and am still waiting for my first period. It's really hard to get through the initial times. I've found it easier to tell people- not all the gory details, just the main fact. What has surprised me is the number of people who have come to me to confide their own experiences and offer words of comfort. It's helped me to realise I'm not alone in this- and neither are you.
As for getting through, I'm with megsmeadow- I've tried to have one thing each day I'm happy for, from a simple treat of a cake, to a phone call with a dear friend - it just helps to think that there can be some good things in life, even in the midst of all this crap! Don't get me wrong- I'm not always successful (a meltdown on Deansgate in Manchester during a 'treat' shopping day with mum being one if the most memorable) but I'm getting there and so will you.
Good luck. Here's hoping all the ladies on this forum in similar situations get the babies they truly deserve.

 

[Leo]

Hi Everyone

I just wanted to thank all who have responded and offered words of advice and support. Yesterday was very hard and your words and understanding have helped me.
I suppose there are no right or wrong answers on how you deal with this terrible process, you just have to take each day as it comes. I am feeling a bit brighter today and I plan on going back to work tomorrow. I need to get back into some sort of routine and normality.

Thanks again and lets hope we all get what we are searching for

xx

 

[Natalilly1288]

Hi Leo firstly the ladies on her have been a massive help to me this year this year I has two early mc at 6 weeks and a chem and both mc were passed naturally so have no experience of erpc the feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but I just wanted to say never give up hope I'm now 22 weeks pg with a little girl and even though il never stop worrying until she's in my arms I'm so happy to be pg with my rainbow baby take care of yourself and my only advice is to take 1 day at a time and never give up hope sending you big hugs xxxxxx