How long is "too long?"

[Mrsbee]

Hey ladies,
Me and the other half have been TTC since November 2013, I've never had a bfp or anything as of yet. I know that TTC can take its time but how long is too long? My OH is wonderful but he's one of those people that buries his head in the sand and says everything's fine. I want to go to my GP but a friend of mine recently visited hers and they told her they wouldn't do anything for a year (she's been trying for a year already) because she needed to lose weight. I definitely could do with using a few stone. If I'm very honest I'd find it totally humiliating a GP saying that to me, so am I better loosing a few stone and then going?

I have had quite a stressful year but my best friend has PCOS and only had sex once the month she got pregnant and had only been trying 2 months. I'm thrilled for her but I'm incredibly jealous. Everyone around me is pregnant and I'm not :'(

It's really starting to get me down and I worry about it a fair bit.

I'm sorry I know people in this section have probably been trying far longer than I have but I do now think something may be wrong :/

Any advice would be most appreciated xxx

 

[phonixgirl]

Hi hun

I replied to your PCOS thread

You have been trying for two years and nothing. That is frustrating, especially when others get pregnant so easily. For me it seems like everyone either has a baby or is pregnant and it's just not fair - as happy as I am for them. So we understand completely.

The doctors go by your BMI so you could work it out yourself at home first. Or, how are your periods? Do you struggle to lose weight? You could always go for one of the other two if you don't want to go for infertility yet (we didn't go for ages - DH started off by saying it would happen when the time is right... now he's hopeful a miracle will happen one day).

By the way - I've never had a BFP either. It's rubbish.

Good luck xx

 

[Mrsbee]

Hey lovey,
Your exactly right, both my best friends are either pregnant or had a baby, and I am so thrilled for them but everyone seems to get their bfp's when they're not even trying. My other half is the same he keeps saying "it will happen eventually, you've had a tough year" etc etc but I think he just doesn't know what else to say.

My BMi says I'm quite overweight, because I'm 5'4" and 14 stone soooo I know I do need to lose it. I've lost a stone so far and I don't exactly struggle losing weight (keeping it off is a bitch I loveeeee McDonald's haha). My periods are fine between 28-31 days. I've only had one funny cycle which was random I had bleeding around 5 dpos and then a really late period but other than that it's all been fairly normal.

It sucks we're in this boat, and I know that people including yourself has tried for longer than I have but it's frustrating isn't it
Let's hope for our Christmas miracle xxxx

 

[snowbee]

Hiya,
I would go now. They will run tests whatever BMI you are, it is just treatment you have to be within certain limits. There is a bit of waiting for some tests so you may as well get them booked in. Also your tests may reveal reasons you find keeping weight off difficult, for example with pcos diet is a huge factor but there is no point in eating that way if it is something else that is the problem.

I'm an extreme case but I was referred to the fertility clinic two years ago and I've only just started my first round of treatment. It doesn't usually take that long but we seem to have had every problem thrown at us along the way, delaying tests and treatment.

Do you track ovulation and dtd over your fertile window? It sounds silly but some ladies think they are oving sooner or later than they actually are and are therefore missing dtd on the crucial days.

 

[Mrsbee]

Hey Hun,
Oh goodness two years I'm sorry to hear you've been waiting so long

I do track my ovulation and we dtd most days (sorry tmi). I've seen a fertility monitor in boots which is crazy expensive but I'm thinking about trying it, it tells you whether you actually ovulated. I've said earlier on the thread I'm doing more diet and exercise so hopefully if they're is something wrong the weight will be ok and we won't have to delay any treatment

 

[kittykitchn]

I went to my GP 6 months in, as soon as my cycles went funny (PCOS related). She referred me for scans straight away to confirm, and then I was referred to the fertility clinic 3 months later.
Even if my periods cycles had been normal, I wouldn't have hung around and probably would have exaggerated how long we'd been trying.

 

[Ragdoll]

I would go now to the GP, they will do the tests to establish what is wrong , and as Snowbee said it's just the treatment that they have weight restrictions with. We went to the GP after trying for a year in April , by this December I had only just finished all the tests they wanted before they referred for assisted conception . Appointment for first consultation is 12th Jan but have no idea how long waiting list is . We will have been trying 2 years in April no BFP .

Better to get the ball rolling now , all the best of luck to you xx

 

[TTC1985]

I am in a similar boat, TTC since July 14. My BMI is relatively high. We have our first appt next week and I know they will bring it up. I'll let you know how I get on. Good luck and baby dust to all.

 

[MissJuly10]

Sorry to hear you're feeling down about things. So many of us know how you are feeling so you're in the right place for some support if you need it. And if you want to ask questions etc.

We went to the GP after less than a year TTC and he told us to come back when it had been a year then he would send us for bloods. There was a massive palaver about it all which ended up with us in a 45 minute appointment with him ranting to us about the NHS cost of tests and how it's very expensive etc... Basically I went for bloods and they chucked my blood samples away because of the cost (which the GP told me was around £20!) but anyways we had to change GP's which delayed us a bit but once we got to a new surgery we got the ball rolling fairly quickly as by then it had been a little more than a year. My first appointment with an infertility consultant I was told I would need to lose weight so if your BMI is above 30, to be honest (and I know it's not a nice thing to hear, I've heard it and it still upsets me) I would be working on losing weight - at least to be able to say you're being proactive and are working on it so should you need treatment like IUI or IVF etc, you'll be on your way to the BMI range that they can work with you on. Otherwise it'll be a further delay as you'll be asked to lose weight first. I started losing weight while I was given Clomid which was for 6 months so by the time I had finished unfortunately 6 unsuccessful rounds of Clomid, I was only a couple of pounds from target which meant I could be referred to the IVF clinic.

I have put some weight back on -around 6 pounds and the clinic I'm at have checked me in between cycles and told me I need to work on it to ensure it doesn't come above the restriction as they will then need to stop treatment until I am back to target. They do encourage you to be more than a point or two below the BMI limit as some of the medication I think can cause you to put weight on. *rollseyes*

Hope that's somewhat helpful for you. And I hope you're able to come to a compromise of some kind with your OH. My DH found it hard to begin the journey, men are just a bit different to us in how they process and deal with things so just talk things through together or maybe suggest a time when you will seriously discuss beginning the process which might help you both if it's on the cards but not being pushed. We are all different in our approaches and the treatment side of things isn't easy on either of you so it's better to talk as much as you both are comfortable with so you are both somewhat prepared for what to expect etc.

Hope that all comes across in the right way. Like I say, there's many of us here that can relate so are all here to help one another.

 

[TTC1985]

So we had our appt yesterday and just to let you know the Dr did discuss BMI for both my husband and I. He is totally fine, super fit apparently lol but as suspected I am over the threshold for a fertility referral. We have been trying for 18 months so unable to obtain a referral until July so will give me time to work on things.

I can still commence testing etc it's just for the treatment itself the BMI must be below 30.

I hope this helps, my advice would be to seek help from your GP now and commence testing and at the same time focus on reducing your BMI.

Good luck to you.