How is everyone's OH coping?

[Corrinne37]

As the title says....

My OH is taking it really hard this time, he is soooo down,
how about everyone else? x

 

[dyscochick]

OH was devastated when it happened, and now really wants a baby, hence my tentative 2WW as i'm easily persuaded after a couple of glasses of wine that it would be easy to move the wedding!!!!

 

[kanga86]

My oh was so upset when it happened but now I'm unsure, as he hid his feelings to help me. He really wants to have a baby but we don't really talk about the mc. I suppose now I think about it he was really down and sad for several weeks but he said it was because of his new job, maybe there was more to it. Xx

 

[Hope81]

the first thing that my oh told me was ¨don't worry we will have a new LO a better and stronger than this one¨...lol

then he continued renovating our bedroom and the room for the LO like nth happened.
he still says things like hmm well i don't know what we will do for christmas you may be pregnant so we just chill out at home...

he so thinks that making babies is so easy and it was just bad luck and we will have a healthy LO soon by next year lol.

i am so afraid that will happen again....

 

[lisey27]

My OH was so happy when I told him we were preggers and he would kiss my (flat) belly daily. When he saw the heartbeat on the screen his face lit with delight. He tried to stay positive once we were given the news that it didnt look good. He was devestated when there was no longer a heartbeat. He tried to stay strong for me but I saw his tears. He has been great through all of this and I love him EVEN more. He has been a true support.
He is doing ok now and speaks about trying again all the time. Its nice that you did this thread as the men are so often forgotten, I always make sure I ask him how hes feeling too xx

 

[dyscochick]

My Oh said one of the worst things was watching my hurt and pain, emotionally and physically. he was in tears as much as I was and was so strong telling the few family and friends that knew. Its not that any of us are prepared for mc but i was at least aware that these different scenarios were possible (thanks to PF really), but OH was so unprepared for bad news, he really hadn't thought that it could be bad news. Thanks for this thread, I agree their pain often gets sidelined.

 

[Corrinne37]

I think they can feel a bit useless, they feel bad for us, and feel the loss but know it is happening to our bodies.

I think men deal with things a lot by blocking things out,I know thats what my OH does, and what he done last time. Which I must say I found a bit annoying.

But he doesn't seem to be able this time. He keeps talking about it all the time and how depressed and low he is feeling.

He really thought lightning wouldn't strike twice. Like you Lisey e cried at the hospital and ive never seen him
cry before.

Also, after first MC he said not sure if he wanted to try again, not sure if he wanted another baby.Now it seems he really really does. xxx

 

[twinkles]

Aw girls I'm so glad I have hubby, all he wants to do is feed me!

He's not one to dwell, much like me he can accept it, feel sad and gutted but then it's positive vibes all round, think we make each other like that, not always a good thing as today is def the day it's hit me, not sure hubby can ever truly understand as we never saw the heart beat, I don't think there is a right way to cope, hubby keeps asking if I'm ok, do I need anything, chocolate? Bless xx

 

[deedee84]

my OH kept it all bottled up inside for a long time, he didnt talk about it much which did annoy me as i just wanted to know how he felt, anyway, on the sunday when i got the call to say my hcg was falling we had a few drinks and he really opened up which i think helped both of us, it seemed to give us closure and we moved on from it thank fully! i still think about it sometimes and we do talk about it on the odd occasion just glad that i feel that i can speak to him about it now as before with him bottling it up i didnt want to burden him with my sadness etc! x

 

[netty]

my OH has aspergers so cant express how he feels however i know he is taking this hard as he is not sleeping or eating properly.

 

[k8_005]

my OH has aspergers so cant express how he feels however i know he is taking this hard as he is not sleeping or eating properly.

That must be extra hard.hugs to u both.
Tom my hubby is doin ok tho he's very much about let's think to the future get tests and try again and move on which while great I think he sometimes forgets I haven't even stopped bleeding and I'm feeling rotten inside as I put on a big positive front I don't want to kill his optimism but I'm not ready to see gp n get tests this week I just want to give it time. X

 

[Corrinne37]

I think thats wise K8.xxx

 

[kra0]

My oh is devastated but trying not to show it to me bless him.. I know him well enough to know he's taking this as bad as me. Earlier today he said something along the lines of how he's upset but couldn't imagine how I must be feeling. I told him that just because it's not his body doesn't mean that he isn't suffering as much as me and he confessed he felt so down on thurs after the scan that he had to stop work for a while to try to get his head around it bless him. He's been great to me since we found out about the mmc. I don't know what I'd do without him xxxx

 

[TORino]

I had a really really bad time with my OH after this. I was so disappointed with him it put my marriage in jeopardy.

My hubby is a bit of a hot head. He needs emotional stability or he doesn't cope very well. I have seen him swing from getting really angry to really depressed when he lost his job. At that point though he had me to reassure him that everything would be ok and me to pick him up.

With the miscarriage though, he was awful to me. At first he tried to be supportive/understanding and distract me from it all. After about a week though he told me I had to stop talking about and get on with it. I was horrified. Talking about it really helped me and eased the pain and he wouldn't let me. If I brought it up he would get into arguments with me or roll his eyes. I was really disappointed in him, in the darkest days of my life when I needed him the most he wasn't there for me. Not only was he not there he was making things worse. After about a month my SIL announced she was pregnant and we went to a friends wedding and I ended up sat next to a girl who had just had a baby and it all got a bit much. I had too many glasses of wine and had a breakdown and told him exactly what I thought about him. He explained that that was the only way he felt he could cope with it at the time or he was going to go off the rails. He said he was sorry how he acted.
I pretty much told him if he does anything like that to me again he won't get a third chance and we have drawn a big line under it all now but it was so so hard at the time.

 

[kra0]

Aww torino poor you it's a hard enough time and we need those closest to us to be there for us no matter how much we talk about it. I think that's how we deal with it, by talking it through. I find myself doing this and i feel that its helping me come to terms with it all. Hopefully he has learnt his lesson and it was just because he was finding it hard 2 cope and u aren't put through that again xxxx

 

[TORino]

I don't think he would do it again, I was very clear that I wont put up with it. It's heartbreaking when this happens and you need the support of everyone definitely. I cut him a bit of slack because I know he was dying inside himself.

 

[Corrinne37]

I had a really really bad time with my OH after this. I was so disappointed with him it put my marriage in jeopardy.

My hubby is a bit of a hot head. He needs emotional stability or he doesn't cope very well. I have seen him swing from getting really angry to really depressed when he lost his job. At that point though he had me to reassure him that everything would be ok and me to pick him up.

With the miscarriage though, he was awful to me. At first he tried to be supportive/understanding and distract me from it all. After about a week though he told me I had to stop talking about and get on with it. I was horrified. Talking about it really helped me and eased the pain and he wouldn't let me. If I brought it up he would get into arguments with me or roll his eyes. I was really disappointed in him, in the darkest days of my life when I needed him the most he wasn't there for me. Not only was he not there he was making things worse. After about a month my SIL announced she was pregnant and we went to a friends wedding and I ended up sat next to a girl who had just had a baby and it all got a bit much. I had too many glasses of wine and had a breakdown and told him exactly what I thought about him. He explained that that was the only way he felt he could cope with it at the time or he was going to go off the rails. He said he was sorry how he acted.
I pretty much told him if he does anything like that to me again he won't get a third chance and we have drawn a big line under it all now but it was so so hard at the time.

ahh Torino, yes my OH was lke this first time for me, sometimes men cant deal with emotions and the only way they can cope is to block it out.
I got very annoyed with him too, esp dates such as when 20wk scan would have been and due date. Id say dont you know what would be happening now, he was oblivious for me I couldnt forget.
I think it is just people have different ways of dealing with things, you are stil together now and that shows so much for you two amd me too. xxx

 

[k8_005]

Torino that's really crap of him hope he realised now how he made u feel I agree with coffins sometimes men do stupid things because its how they cope it doesn't make it acceptable but it helps to understand they aren't doin it intentionally to upset u more big hugs xx