How do you tell him?

[mags]

AF arrived this afternoon, 2 days late. Had really been feeling all positive since I'm rarely late, and my 'symptoms' were all there. Was out in the garden in the beautiful sunshine, with my little girl, smiling and thinking of something my husband said to me "just you wait--this summer you'll be sitting out here in the garden--out to here!" putting his arms out to resemble a bump. I don't know who wants this baby more--him or I. I know how desperate I am inside, but he is a lot older than me and he sees time as going so fast and it kills me to see him with tears in his eyes when we're let down every month. I dread telling him the bad news tonight when he comes home. Already this past week we've been up and down--getting one faint BFP followed by 6 BFNs...then the waiting... He was afraid to touch me last night incase we "hurt our precious little baby" and here I am now, having such a hard time as always at the sight of all this blood, which I always feel should have been my baby's. Nature's way of taunting me and telling me I'm a failure again. Do any of you have warped thoughts like that? Please tell me I'm not the only one... My husband and I were absolutely sure this was our month. It all would have been so wonderful---we assumed I would finally get a BFP on Saturday--his birthday, and our little one would be born on 20th November--one day after his big sister Rosie and just in time for me and Hubby's first wedding anniversary on 30th November. But it's not to be... Hubby told me today when he left (to take my daughter to her daddy's house) that if I had bad news, to tell him to get a bottle (vodka) and Chinese and that we'd try to enjoy our night as much as possible. I'm just about to phone him, but I know this is all going to end in tears tonight. He is so emotional and it tears my heart open wide to see him shaking and sobbing the way he does. How do you tell him the bad news every month? Do any of you have OH's as emotional as mine? Thanks girls, I really need some support... x

 

[MissGobby]

its not easy believe me - in the first couple of months we started TTC i was convinced i was PG - got my hopes up so much and also got my DF's hopes up!!! AF came (obviously! ) and it was heartbeaking havin to tell him and shatter his hopes, he was really gutted too...

but we just have to pick ourselves back up and wait for next month - now if i (think) im having any symtpoms i just keep it to myself and wait for either a BFP (i hope!!!!!) or AF to arrive!!!!

sorry she got you hun - im sure it will be your turn soon enjoy your vodka and a curry, yum yum!

 

[chellieboo]

you know what that just sounds so lovely although I imagine it is really difficult for you each month that AF arrives.

I know my DH really wants a baby as much as me but he doesn't seem to exhibit any sort of emotional response to the roller coaster of TTC that I seem to suffer from. I don't think he's ever been really excited or really disappointed at any point during the time we've been TTC, except perhaps the 1st month we tried when AF was 5 days late.

I'd much rather he seemed more emotionally involved at times.

 

[Fingers crossed]

Aw Mags . Sorry this month hasn't turned out the way you and DH hoped, good luck next month

 

[mags]

I'm sorry to hear that Chellieboo. My DH is capable of being a 'man' too. I prefer him this way though compared to my ex who appeared to be a blank slate when it came to these things. I got pregnant straight away but had a miscariage at 8 weeks and sank into a deep depression. He buried himself in work and avoided me a lot (looking back now I can see why--would you want to come home to a wreck every night--like I was) and it was a very hard time. Since we parted ways, he's since told me that that was his way of coping, and that he did cry in private etc...some men just have that age old fear of appearing weak. I think your OH probably feels he's doing you good by 'being strong' for you, but maybe sometime you can try sitting down with him and asking him how he's coping and maybe he'll let you in on some things he's feeling which you would have never guessed at. It might make you two bond closer together and he will probably appreciate you asking him how this is affecting him. You two keep hold of eachother and I just know your time will come soon.

 

[chellieboo]

Thanks babe. I do think he finds it hard when I get all upset, so like you say he is probably just trying to be strong for me.