Housing advice, long and upset....

[lmarszall]

Hi all,

After some advice here.

Last year i moved out of home to rent a room off a friend. It turned out he was a twat and to be honest i coudln't really afford it. My mum was also getting lonely as it was just her and my dad at home. My dad has MS so she is more of a carer sometimes than a wife and it is hard for her. So i moved back in which helped me money wise, and helop her with her sanity.

I told her i was in no rush to move out if she didn't mind me staying and that at some point DP might move in as we can't afford our own place. She was fine with this as long as we bothe pay rent (200pm each). She also said she was looking to either move to somewhere more suitable for my dad. I'e a house with a downstairs bathroom and a downstairs room we can convert to his bedroom. But with enough room upstairs for 3 of us. Either that or sghe was considering building an extension on the back of the house for room and bathroom for my day. We live in a 3 bed terrace so there isn't alot of room for this!!

Anyway i fell pregnant in October and i talked to her about it and she said i was fine to stay at home and that she was still going to try and sort out the housing. Even more so with my dad falling over all over the place when a baby is in the house. We need an are for him and bits oif the house he can't go for the baby's safety!

So mum has been debating what to do and has a meeting with the bank to get a morgate increase to pay for either the move or extension.

BUT, yesterday we found out my dad's work are asking him to retire. So now everything is up in the air. My mum can't afford to increase the mortgage. And my dad will be at home 24/7 which will be very difficult.

I know he is ill but he has real communication and attitude problems. When he isn't at work he spensds his whole time on the sofa in the living room watching crap on TV and being rude to people. he is bvery hard to live with at the best of times but at least he works 5 days a week so you get a bit of piece.

So now i am worried. When the baby comes and i am off work i will have my dad in the house, not meaning to sound horrible, but getting in the way and moaning about everything. And i can either try and juggle my dad and the baby or stay in our craped room uopstairs that me, Dp and the ababy will share.

I am on the council list bit we can only just afford to survive at my mums when i am on maternity leave, let alone £350 a month rent + council tax + bills if we got a council place.

Thuis also means i am under even more pressure to return to work asap so we have some hiope of getting our own place. And by my calculations even both working full time we will struggle in a council place.

I just feel really awful now and wonder what environment my poor baby will have to grow up in.

Sorry for the long post i just dont know what to do anymore....

Laura
24 + 1
xx

 

[Nicola]

I'm sorry to hear your so upset about this. Have you looked into all the maternity grants and benefits avaliable. Also if you are on a low income you will be entitled to help with paying the rent and council tax, they might not pay it all but they should pay a chunk of it for you. Have you informed the council that you are pregnant? Your need for housing becomes more of a priority then than just another young girl looking to leave home type thing. Also with regards to your dad (my Mum has PD so not the same disease but similar in the care they need and the falling over, demands etc) you can apply for help with his care and if he's not earning via work, can't work anymore type thing all it takes is a sick line from the GP and he'll get incapacity allownace and benefits associated with that, disability living allowance and so forth. Mum get's all these and honest to goodness with the council paying her rent/rates for her she's far better off than she ever was working!! She still needs to pay utilities but income such as disability living allowance and incapacity benefit will count towards "income" for a mortgage so don't worry about not being able to have that increased if the benefits come through, it's quite a substantial amount monthly so your parents could have the house extension etc. Also social services will offer help, someone to take your Dad out for a few hours daily, a cleaner pehaps twice a week - your mum can't do everything, your pregnant and have your own life to lead (children are not legally responsible for their adult parents!) so your mum needs help, don't be afraid to ask for it. Also can he get involved with the MS Society? They do specially arranged outings, trips, events etc. Again it's a time out for your Mum and a chance for your Dad to get involved with others who truely understand what the symptoms etc are like. Perhaps you know this already but it was things we found out slowely when my Mum became so ill. Help is out there you really do just have to ask.

 

[lmarszall]

Thanks hun,

The MS society are great but my dad is so shut in, in his own world he wont go out and socialise and is rude to anyone who tries. And he wont communicate. he has never been a great talker but you can talk to him for hours and he'll only say the odd thing back. There is no way i can see him getting involved with anything. Which is why my mum and me were worried that when he has to give up work he will become shut in his own world.

The council have been crap. They came round to asses the house and put up a couple of hand rails and gave him a bath board.

They wont give my mum anything for adaptations as she owns her own house and works they think she should pay for it. So that means getting another 50k on the mortgage which she will have to pay off herslef. And she is 51.

He gets DLA and has a car through motability which i yuse and take him to work and back. That runs out in august so tey will have that money back but it is only about 40 quid a week and he was on about 20k a year.

I don't get any benefits as i earn 16k which isn't considered low income. But i have student debts and a 15k loan to pay off so i dont get much money left from that.

My mum is going to contat the MS society and see what they advise. But i don;t know what to do. I haven't even told DP yet.

Oh and the council dont give me higher priority as i m pregnant. All they do is say i can have 2 bed instead of one bed. Our council works on bands, not points. I was on the needing band anyway as i live at home and am overcrowded. The baby doesn;t make me higher priority

Laura
xx

 

[Redshoes]

It sounds like a very difficult and emotional situation you are in lmarszall

I've no idea what you should do, but I say try to think positive, baby is a while away yet, you have time to consider all your options, go back to the council and fully explain your situation, they may up your needs if you explain, and also have you thought about private renting, or even a house share, lots of peeps do it nowadays, it is an option to be looked at.

I think it's great your talking to your Mum about things, also talk to your OH because he's as involved as you, and together I am sure you will figure something out, it may even not be the ideal but what matters is you stick together and support each other, and baby just needs Mummy and Daddy happy at the end of the day

Very best wishes

 

[trixipaws]

really sorry i dont know what to say to help but i want to send hugs