Hi Everyone, Just Looking For Somewhere To Vent & Get Different POVs.

[CharlieGirl9]

Hi.

Found out last a few weeks ago that I am pregnant with my first child. I'm 23, my partner is 27. While we had discussed children before and agreed that if we were to fall pregnant just now it wouldn't be the worst of times for it, we had not been trying (I was on contraception), and when we got a positive result it came as a bit of a shock. My partner was frightened at first but we talked about it and while he was still worried we agreed that we would be good parents and could only try our best.
Since then, I have told my family and they're very happy with the news and chuffed for me and my partner. His family is a completely different story. They've always been quite hard to deal with for me, and don't really know how to act in civilised society, but in this matter their reaction has completely shocked and disgusted me. His mother told us on the phone that we weren't ready, that we had no idea of the work involved, and that we should be living life in order of her preference (wanting us to get a car and a mortgage just now, how dare we concieve in a rented flat?). They planted major worries in his head about finances and told him he wouldn't be able to afford x,y and z, which is frankly untrue. His father texted him with some stupid quote along the lines of "I thought "life" was something you did before you had kids, or do I live in a different world?". His mother told me that I hadn't known her son long enough - I've been in a relationship with him for 4 years. What's getting on my mettle most in that respect is that his parents had him at the age of 17, and this hypocrisy is leaving a horrible taste in my mouth. He's 27 years old, and they're using the excuse that he's their only child to act like he's forever young.
Anyway, the other night this reached a peak. He went for a coffee with them on his own. He came back with a completely changed attitude. Told me he was 99% sure he didn't want this. Told me that we couldn't afford it (words straight from his parents' mouths). And, worst of all, told me, "My parents said that they would support me if I want to walk away from this".
I've been a complete depressed mess for the last few days as a result, it was my birthday yesterday and I could barely muster a smile for my family. I've never felt so down and alone in my life. I'm shocked and disgusted at the whole thing. There's no excuse for him to be like this, he needs to man up and stop being so dependent on his parents and their opinions, and the mere thought of ever seeing them again makes me want to be sick. I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the novel!

 

[Mrsstuart01]

Hi, don't have any advice except speak to him. If he is going to play the get out card then you're better off letting him! Otherwise make him understand you need to be in it together and it should be you two against everyone else, not him and his family against you xx

 

[tabbi]

WHAT A FUCKING JOKE!!!
they cant say shit if they had him at 17 your older than they were and prob alot better off they were kids. how dare they if they ever or him meantion an abortion tell them fuck off, and if your partner says he going to walk away.
tell him he can but that once this child is born you will make him pay for it via CSA. so he will pay for a child he wont see or raise and be a failure in everyones eyes. yet if you stay together he will still be paying for the child but will be able be there for said baby and help raise it been there for all the important things.

And about him affording it well he has no choice its yours you keep baby HE WILL AFFORD BABY as he will have to pay towards baby. no matter what he will have to afford the baby.

if his family are going to be like that then they can fuck off and never see said grandchild. x x x

 

[Froslass]

Hi,

Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I went through a very very similar thing with my LO.

I can only advise that you sit down with your partner, go through your finances together. Look at your incomings and outgoings and see if you can reassure him you'll be ok. Are you in a position to apply for working and child tax credits?

When I found out I was pregnant (at 19), my boyfriend and I had also been together 4 years. His mum went crazy, banished me from her house basically. Planted a lot of doubts in my partners head. He came back to me begging me to to keep the baby.

It was hard time, I felt I had to support him when I myself needed support. But in the end he apologised and couldn't believe he'd said or thought the things he did. We have a beautiful daughter who everyone (including my psycho MIL) adores.

No one, and I can assure you, is going to look badly upon your newborn baby.

I am in no way defending your in laws when I say this, but maybe they remember how hard it was having a baby at 17.

Obviously they have completely blown this out of proportion, as you're not 17 and neither is your partner!

As for the my parents will support me comment, he needs to grow a pair. This will come in time, and he will realise how much of an idiot he's being.

 

[VikkiR]

If he is so easily influenced by his family your relationship is in for a turbulent time. Sounds to me like their issue is with you and they don't want him tied to you. If it were me I'd look in the mirror and decide what I want to do about the pregnancy and then whether I could live with that decision as once it's made there's no going back. The good thing is you have the support of your family. If you want to keep the baby and he doesn't you're on your own, unless he mans up and realises hes got a family to protect; and if you want the baby and don't keep it, you'll leave him at some point because you'll hate him for it, might not be now, but almost for sure later. It's a horrible position you are in but this is definitely the time to take control of your own future irrespective of who is in your present. Whatever you decide to do, ultimately it will be you living with the weight of any decision. You need strength and support and as your oh is a flake, don't let him cloud your judgement, nor upset you further. You are a woman and as such strong and capable, you might not feel it but when the chips are down you WILL shine. You poor thing, big big hugs. Surround yourself with people that love you, and that's love as in the verb not some flowery romantic ideal xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Omg what a disgusting bunch of hillbillies!!

If it were me, I'd sit my partner down and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that I am keeping the baby, and if he and his parents can't deal with that, it'll be THEM who miss out!
I'd also tell him if he decides he wants to be there for u and baby, that u won't be going near his parents until they learn to be civil and accepting.

He's 27 for christs sake, and he seems to be so easily influenced by his parents!

Remind him of the conversations u had when u both said if it happened it wouldn't be terrible. But then say ur not putting up with their shit, and he needs to man up and make a decision ON HIS OWN!!
Ugh I'd be so effing angry!! X

 

[Froslass]

Omg what a disgusting bunch of hillbillies!!

If it were me, I'd sit my partner down and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that I am keeping the baby, and if he and his parents can't deal with that, it'll be THEM who miss out!
I'd also tell him if he decides he wants to be there for u and baby, that u won't be going near his parents until they learn to be civil and accepting.

He's 27 for christs sake, and he seems to be so easily influenced by his parents!

Remind him of the conversations u had when u both said if it happened it wouldn't be terrible. But then say ur not putting up with their shit, and he needs to man up and make a decision ON HIS OWN!!
Ugh I'd be so effing angry!! X

Completely agree!!

It's a horrible situation to be in. And I'm not gonna lie, it's tough emotionally. My OHs family are now turning round and saying that he's ruined his life etc....

He just brushes it off now but it's tough.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Just awful I agree with every word above!! There's nothing I can add but I want to give u big bugs