Help Needed Please!

[daisylouu]

Hey

basically....

I am 7 weeks with my first and i have just split with the father as he is controlling. He constantly wants to know where i am who i'm with etc even though we have split.
he lives in a block of flats full of drugs (heroin, cannabis, cocaine) all of his friends come to him as he deals.
last week a filthy needle was found on the grass outside full of heroin and the police are always there.
I was living with him when i conceived in the 1 bed flat where his friends and customers were knocking on the door at all ours for drugs. the flat is also freezing as the seals have gone on the windows and he can't afford to keep the heating on.
I really dont want him at the scan or to have anything to do with my pregnancy. I know legally that i have the rights to do this and morally i know it is wrong.
I have told him that i wont stop him seeing the baby once it is here but i dont want to spend the upcoming months stressed as it is no good for me or the baby.
he is no demanding he comes which is causing arguments as i want my own father at the scan as i am only 18 and my mother who i was very close to passed away at the age of 48 not even 12 months ago. he is aware of this and finds it unreasonable.
I really dont want to but i have been told that i should get a solicitor ready for a custody battle when the baby is born but after self harming and suffering with depression in the past i am worried that i won't win and he will get custody.

Please help

 

[Flips4]

I don't have much advise I'm afraid but didn't want to just read and run firstly congratulations on your pregnancy and for being strong enough to get rid of a negative controlling ex!!!! You sound strong and I think you KNOW what's right, if you don't feel he is able to be a good father to your child you need to do what is right for you and your baby, tell him he can see the baby under your supervision in your place of choosing and he needs to prove he's committed before hand by providing for the baby! Depression etc do not usually count against you in cases of child custody, drug abuse and dealing and lack of safe environment however do.... You'll be fine so don't let it affect your pregnancy, chin up, keep smiling and remember your doing what is best for you and baby NOT some lowlife ex xxx

 

[daisylouu]

Thank you it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am not being totally unreasonable xxxx

 

[inky]

Well done for getting away hon. Your ex sounds horrible. He doesn't have any right to be at the scans, don't tell him when or where they are. And as for a custody battle, he wouldn't have a hope in hell, as if any court would give custody to a drug dealer! The best thing you can do is to be as honest and open as you can about your previous issues, accept any and all support you are offered, and do whatever you can to get this scumbag out of your life. Yes, he has rights once the baby is born, but you can have the use of a visitation centre so your LO doesn't come into contact with all that nasty shit. That's assuming FOB manages to stay out of jail for dealing of course

 

[flopsybunny]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think you have done the right thing thinking what's best for you and your baby. Your ex needs to understand that while he is living the lifestyle he is, he is not good for the baby. He shouldn't be allowed to see the baby until he cleans his act up and if his son or daughter isn't motivation enough then he has no right to demand anything. I would suggest seeking legal advice too to be honest. Just so you know where you stand with the law.

 

[kentgall8484]

i spilt from my babys dad and only let him come to one scan, he became so bossy and mean i cut him out of my life for six months. We are only just in contact now but he knows he cant treat me like that as i wont have it. I would take your dad you need somone there who can surport you as it can be scary trust me. Also i dont think the courts would ever give him custody surley as they would have to do is look at his house. Does he do drugs? If so you could ask for a drugs test, how old is this guy? I think its going to be v hard for him to ive up the dealing as im sure he gets alot more than a normal job x

 

[xelliex]

You have done the right thing. In regards to custody I really do not think you have anything to worry about. Depression is an awful thing to go through, I know because I have been there but is also very common.

Carry on being strong and if you ever need to talk im here xx