I know I only ever post miserable messages on here, but there we go. I've tried to find another forum which is more appropriate for what i'm feeling but this place seems to be the safest, and I'm scared of getting loads of angry replies or people telling me off. i'm now 10 weeks pregnant. Yesterday I left my partner, and I don't think I can go back. I think I have to break up with him, and I just don't know what to do, or where to turn. I'm back staying at my dad's, and me and OH have barely spoken for 2 days since our massive argument. it ended with him threatetning to smash up all my belongings if i left the flat. but i left anyway. a bit of history 1 week before i found out i was pregnant, i also found out he had been lying to me about taking drugs. Actually worse than the lying, was the fact that I had been feeling really paranoid about what he was doing/where he was going/what he was up to. I confronted him about this because weve had some issues in the past about all this stuff. He swore on his life he wasn't up to anything. He told me that I was probably just feeling paranoid because of before, and that it was ok for me to be a paranoid person, he could deal with it. he acted all supportive and nice. The next morning i went for a walk and i said to myself, but I'm NOT a paranoid person! What is going on here???? I told myself i would check his phone ONE TIME and if i didn't find anything i would accept that i had a mental problem and move on. I checked his phone and found messages about him going to pick up drugs - THE NEXT MORNING AFTER he had reassured me that he wasnt up to anything. i was so angry - i should have left him then. he apologised, he promised never to do it again, he promised to be honest in the future, all this -the usual - that gets me back or wins me over . he has no respect for me, and he would rather i feel paranoid and crazy than tell me the truth. When we argue, he tells me constantly that I 'talk s**t' that i don't know anything about the real world, he makes fun of the way i say things, also i am afraid of his temper. He has 2 children by 2 different mothers, 1 he sees, 1 he doesn't, but he HATES both the mothers with a passion. he calls them slags and bitches and talks about shooting them, stabbing them. once he said 'if my daughter ever did that i'd stab her'. i nearly walked out then and there...but stupid me i didn't. i am afraid that he talks about those things because he is capable of them, though he has never been violent to me. or to the other women as far as i know. Now listen, no doubt whatsoever I am a FOOL to be in this situation. i can't believe i am pregnant, i am still in total shock, but the worst thing about the pregnancy has been this total knowledge hidden in my heart that i am with the wrong man and that i shouldnt be with someone who intimidates me, who im scared of. who lies to me and spends my money without really ever giving anything back. i just do not know what to do. I dont want to become the next woman he hates with a passion. i don't want to send my child off to be with a father who takes drugs and talks about stabbing people. i feel like an idiot for EVER trusting my OH, but what can i say? i loved him and this stuff all dripped out slowly, and i never had the strength to let my love die because of things he said or did. i think its dead now tho. prior to my leaving our home, which is an unsuitable living accommodation for a baby, our 'great plan' was for me to move away, alone, and care for the baby by myself until he has sorted out some other situations he's got going on. i feel so betrayed by this. it's like the whole pregnancy is MY responsibility, but at the same time, he is being VERY controlling about it. He wants to know where i am, and keeps making veiled threats about how this 'wont be another child he doesnt have anything to do with, theres no way in the world he would let that happen'. yet...at the same time...he wont move in with me and help look after it. i'm so confused. i want to bond with the idea of a baby, but i have started thinking about terminating the pregnancy. i'm so sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, delete it if so, but i tried to look for abortion forums and there is nowhere like this where people are kind and supportive. any advice really would be so much appreciated. i know this is a terrible thing to say, but i feel like if my OH died tomorrow, i would totally have the baby - no question. It is the idea of him being involved, and me having to cope with him for the rest of my life that i can't deal with. I have felt so trapped SO SO SO TRAPPED for the longest time, it's like i've just got out of prison, but now i'm scared of him even more because the safest place felt like 'on his side' and now if i come out as 'against him' then all hell might break loose. NB i know at some stage i need to think about why i was ever in this relationship...but i havent got time to question it right now. what I really need to work out is - WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?