help me out?

[lisa&alex]

can i just say...

this isnt a dig at anyone.. and i know that when people say.. it helps/helped us bond more etc.. its their own personal lives they are talking about..

however i find it hard to read it..i would like to ask.. do you think it helps you to make it more real? not that you bond better when you have named the baby inside you..as knowing you will be dressing the baby in pink or blue helps you to visualise yourself with this little girl or boy?

i find it hard because i found out the sex of charlotte.. and found that i wasnt as excited.. as i had already named her.. visualised me with this little girl etc... i think it made it more real.. but not bond better than this one? i dunno if that make sence? and this time i feel more excited to meet this little thing that i dont know...


im not sure if i feel it because i love suprises.. or because im in a different relationship/circumstances etc..

just wondered what everyones feelings are on it to be honest.. when i see people saying it helps me bond better/more.. it makes me feel sad.. like.. well does that mean that people think im not bonding with my baby.. because i am.. and i dont think it makes the bonding experience any different.. perhaps the visualisation/realisation that its a .... boy or .. girl.. but not the baby part

 

[KJLorraine]

Hi Lisa. I shouldn't really be in here for another 2 days but what the heck, I'm nosey!

I found out the sex of this baby purely because I longed for a little girl and if it was a boy (which it is) I thought it would be better to know now rather than wait till he is born and face the possibilty of getting post natal depression.

I am soooo glad I found out. Now I know I am having a boy I have come to terms with it and I can't wait to meet him. We have been calling him Charlie so I think this will stick. In my position it was deffinatly the right thing to do.

I guess it depends what your reasons are and don't think if you don't find out you wont bond because I never found out with first 2 and I loved them the minute I saw them and whilst I was pregnant too if all this makes sense.....I really should be packing!!!!

 

[laura-82]

Me & the BF definately wanted to know the sex as we both hate surprises & couldn't bare not knowing, its a personal choice & he call her by her name too.

But yesterday at my first antenatal class i was made to feel like shit for finding out the sex, out of 13 people I was the only one who wasn't on team green, they all seemed shocked that I had asked to find out & then there's always one smart arse who tries to put you down infront of everyone.

 

[pilkers]

I've found out the sex of my baby...not because I thought it would help me bond better (thats total nonsense as far as I'm concerned) but because I'm really bloody nosey and I couldn't wait 40 weeks to find out!!!!!

 

[lisa&alex]

never!! bloody hell...

when we went for the scan the sonographer said hardly anyone doesnt find out. and i feel like im in the minoroty.. it is a personal choice..and noone should feel bad for either way they decide.. ever.. so dont take it personally..

im also fed up of people saying what u having (which i know is normal) and ehre obviously noone doesnt find out.. and i get silly looks like.. omg cant belive u haven't found out im not patient etc etc..

finding out.. i think is deffo a personal choice.. but the bonding thing i was asking about.. because perhaps its not that you bond 'more'/'better' that you are able to visualise the baby more.. and make it more.. real?

 

[Squiglet]

Well I didn't know with Tia... I hadn't a clue because the hospital at the time said we weren't allowed to know. I felt really gutted by that... Also everyone said you're having a boy and my ex went out and brought loads of things for a little boy (well a romper suit a blue baby bath and a toy gun) .. and when Tia popped out as was obviously a little girl, he was really disappointed and that dented what should have been the beautiful moment of her birth when he said... "yer I'm disappointed!"... not well done or thank you...

So this time, obviously with that mental scar still hanging over my head, and with my DH saying he would prefer a girl because he would know what's coming, I wanted to make sure that if it was a boy that we would get over that "disappointment" and start looking forward to having our son, so that when he did arrive it would be all smiles and happiness.

When we were told it was a boy, yer I was disappointed, but I got over it and started to look forward to having a boy, like DH... so when they said it was a girl, I felt kinda numb. But now we have been able to get used to that idea too...

I'm not preparing like others do. Mainly because I convince myself that this baby won't make it, so I am not "attached" in the same way... but knowing the sex has made it seem more "real" if that makes any sense... But I won't name it though... That to me is tempting fate.

I understand why people choose Team green... and thats cool.. Just with me, my history etc, I needed to know this time. Also I hate surprises, I need everything planned and orderly.

 

[annem]

people were shocked i asked but we only asked at the 20week and they were only 60% sure. We didnt find out at the 4d scan. I don't think finding out the sex helped us bond.

What helped us bond was the 4d scan. The 20weeks scan i was really worried about before so did not enjoy as much as i could of so the 4d scan made up for it.

This is my 1st baby and i am finding it a very worrying and surreal experience. My OH does not get the kicks etc-yes he feel them now and again but does not bond the same way i do. The 4d scan reassured us by having the heart etc checked over and made us so happy to see her smiling and happy in my tummy - that was our bonding experience.

To be honest next time round i prob won't find out the sex. I'm not bothered if they have got the sex wrong as i have bonded with the baby.

 

[purple13]

we found out because OH really wanted to know. he would have respected my decision if i'd refused, but he's found it harder to comprehend the idea that he's going to be a dad soon, than i have knowing i'm going to be a mum. obvious i guess, as i'm the one going through it all. but he doesn't feel kicks yet (anterior placenta) and although he loves my growing bump, the other major realities for him at the moment is our lack of sex life and me not feeling well!

i don't think its made any difference to me bonding with our baby. to be honest, a lot of it won't seem real to me til i'm holding him in my arms. but OH is so thrilled and excited now he can imagine being a father to a little boy that he'll be able to play football and cricket with one day, and its helped both of us.

having said all that, i don't think we'll find out with the next one. i'm hoping that the reality of being a parent will have sunk in for OH by then and i can have my surprise!!

 

[hotluck]

I didn't find out until last week that I was having a girl and to be quite honest, it hasn't made me bond any more. The only difference is that I tell her off with the name Jenifer instead of Gizmo when she's beating the crap out of me

I'm not a typical pinkie person, so I won't be going pink mad with her so that's not changed from not knowing either. I don't visualise her any differently either. She's still just an alien creeping around inside me until she decides to escape

 

[Kimbo]

I've found out the sex of my baby...not because I thought it would help me bond better (thats total nonsense as far as I'm concerned) but because I'm really bloody nosey and I couldn't wait 40 weeks to find out!!!!!

i second that

 

[happy-chick]

We found out as it didnt really feel real not knowing the sex and we're both really impatient! If I could have waited then I would have but it would have driven me insane so had to find out

 

[**C**]

I found out with Harry because I was so curious and wanted to be prepared! I'm glad I did, but it didn't make an odds to me as to if it were a girl or a boy. With this one I've not found out, because the NHS trust up here have stopped telling people. I could have had a private scan, but to be honest there's no point because like with Harry, I don't really care if it's a boy or a girl, you get what you're given! I'm also prepared aned have everything I could possibly need....managed to dig out some unisex first size clothes so won't need to worry about being caught out.

Not knowing hasn't made me bond with baby any less.....I am finding that I'm not so attatched to my bump this time and don't spend as much time thinking about it, but that's not because I don't know what I'm having, but because I find it so impossible to think that I'm going to have something that I love just as much as Harry to look after!! He's also keeping me very busy so there's never enough time to lie and daydream.

I'm more excited about the actual birth than last time, because I know what to expect....although no 2 labours are the same, I know how much of an exciting and amazing time it was with Harry, and when I'm in hospital although I'll miss him, I'll be able to really bond with this little one

Ooooh I'm so excited!!!

 

[bonny]

I found out the sex not because i thought it would help me "bond" but to prepare my other children for what would be coming, mainly my son who is autistic and by default hate surprizes. Iv never found out with my others and it didnt bother me, but this time i needed it to be organised i need him to know and the others to talk about it so he has some idea of what and who this new little person is beofre the event.

I think its a very personal thing to find out or not if i had 3 girls im sure i would be longing for a boy and vice versa.

 

[alfie]

I don't think it matters whether you know the sex or not. I think you only bond slightly with it when it is in your tum as it's not really like it's real, it's not until it appears that you really start to bond. I personally think it's great not knowing as in these last few weeks when you feel crap then theres still a suprise left to come. Most people assume you know nowadays.

 

[Babylicious]

it's helped sean to bond with the baby more so than me, I love him regardless (if he had been a her too) - but sean needs to see things in black and white. He talks to him now and touches bump more.

 

[pilkers]

alfie thats so true... I'm amazed at how many people ask me if I know what sex my baby is rather than when it's due!

I don't think I'll find out with the next one.... I was over excited cos this is my first and I just had to know everything ( I don't regret finding out though)