Having A Bad Week :(

[babyelmo]

Good morning ladies. I feel like I need to vent a bit, things are getting on top of me today.

Today my oh has gone away on a stag weekend. This has raised massive trust issues for me and i'm doubting whether I want to be in a relationship with him any more. Almost a year ago I caught him with another woman while we were at a party. He claimed that he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. I don't see that as an excuse at all and I questioned what he sees as appropriate boundaries. We managed to move on from it but i've always had doubts at the back of my mind and I don't feel as though I fully trust him. This has now made me question whether I should be raising a child with him, how fair is it to bring my son into that kind of relationship? We don't live together, we're furiously house hunting in the hope we can find somewhere before the baby is born, if not he planned to move into my house for the time being. I'm just not so sure any more, and it's scaring me to think I could be on my own. I brought my dd up on my own as her father was a violent alcoholic, but I don't know how I will cope with two children.

Added to that i've got to go to court next week. My dd's father has applied for parental responsibility, claiming that if she becomes ill while in his care he cannot legally get her medical help. I suspect it's more to do with the fact that he had got wind of the fact I was considering moving from Hampshire to Essex. I got some advice from a solicitor who basically told me that parental responsibility means very little and that he cannot stop me from moving within the jurisdiction of England and Wales. Unfortunately, I cannot have legal representation on the day as my legal aid application has been turned down since they think he will be granted PR, despite the fact I have proof he has been drunk in charge of her, self-harms and threatens me with physical violence. It's all so stressful.

I've not slept properly in weeks because of this damn spd, and on top of that my phone has broken this morning. That seems to be the thing that has tipped me over the edge! I just cant stop crying this morning, i'm a hormonal mess!

Sorry for the long post

 

[deedee84]

aww hun sounds like your having a pretty crappy time of it! pregnancy is a funny thing as it does make you question things you probably normally wouldnt when not pregnant, both times i've been pregnant i have over analyzed my relationship with OH yet before both pregnancies i was quite happy with the relationship etc! hope things work out for the best in both situations hun xx

 

[babyelmo]

Thank you hon. I'm just a horrible stressed out mess. I feel like he's going to be off up to all sorts with women who aren't fat, stretch-marked and spotty. I just can't get the worries out of my mind and I feel like I don't want him around my baby or being at the birth, anything like that. I know it's paranoid and irrational but i can't seem to stay calm today xx

 

[deedee84]

i know how you feel hun, i used to dread OH going out up town with his mates, used to get myself in a right state about it wondering what he was up to until one day i just thought "ya know what, if he does do anything he's not worth my time and effort" and after i stopped thinking about what he was getting up to and stopped questioning him i started to feel loads better and he went out less and less to the point where he never goes out now lol...but that could be an age thing lol! have a pamper day hun and get some choccy or something xx

 

[babyelmo]

That really does make sense, i'm not sure how to do it though!! I think my rational side has gone missing today. I'm a bit nutty really when it comes to things like that, I find it very difficult to trust others even though I feel like I want to.

I'm not at work today so i'm going to take your advice Deedee, I've got a freezer full of chocolate mini milks who are asking to be eaten!!

 

[deedee84]

hey it took me a while to get my mind thinking that way tbh, i think having DD helped and when he did go out (not that you can do this yet hehe) but i used to get myself a bottle of wine, get something decent on tv and order myself a chinese and just generally enjoy some me time!

Mini milks are also the way forward i especially love the white ones, yummy!!! xx

 

[Maria1977]

Sorry can't offer any advice hun, but just wanted to give massive

deedee is right, pregnancy does make you question things. I find myself doing it all the time and am a hormornal mess also as a result. I cannot wait to have this baby and try and remember who I am and how I normally deal with situations!!

xxxx

 

[deedee84]

i handle situations atm by bursting into tears and that is never normally me lol!! xx

 

[SarahCarps2be]

Im exactly the same!

I'm always questioning things that dont even need to be questioned!
It's just hormones I think, and when something niggles you, it REALLY niggles you, it does me, I get in such a state sometimes ove rnothing!

The way I think of it is if you accuse him or question him about it, he'll be more inclined to do it as he might think f it. If I'm getting accused of it I might aswell do it. Sorta thing.

I know it's hard cause of previous events but if you can get over it initially thats the hardest step I think!! We all need to train our brains to not be so silly!! Big hugs!

 

[babyelmo]

Thank you everyone I hate these hormones, they're just making me so irrational and angry. I've thought about everything from giving birth on my own to what time i'll have to leave for work to drop both children off at school / nursery without help!

It would probably help if I could at least get some sleep. I think i'll have a bath, some paracetamol for my poor achy pelvis and an early night and see how I feel tomorrow. I should know better than to make drastic decisions when i'm tired and emotional. I think i'll just get the court hearing out of the way then take it from there, at least that's one stressful thing out of the way.

In the meantime i'm eating my body weight in Mini milks...

 

[deedee84]

ya do right hun, just take one step at a time and get one thing out the way before concentrating on another! And dont worry, i have also been racking my brain and putting plans into place for when i go in to labor, so much harder with having DD and having to sort someone out to have her while were in hospital xx