Have to let it out!

[laurat]

Well its now 4 months since my mc and I do think Ive been pretty strong. Ive been surrounded by pregnant woman, best friends, best friends wifes and girls at work attended a babt shower, oohd over scan pictures! But last night was just too much. I had to let the tears out! There were quite a lot too.

On Thursday my best friend had the most gorgeous, beautiful wee girl. I went straight up after work Fri and never once gave a thought to the fact that I walked in the doors and was face to face with the ultrasound department I discovered I was empty inside and the EPU where I had to go for 2 weeks to get blood taken to confirm the m/c. I didnt get upset and was going straight to get my dad to take him out for his Fathers Day Dinner.

Yesterday all day at the inlaws for his fathers day and them back from a holiday. Weve also being trying to sell our house now for almost 2 years. We have sold it 3 times to have it fall through 3 times. Last time 2 days before moving day, we had everything packed and even the freezer defrosted. My best friend (guy) who is having twins (not just 1) text me to say they have sold their house after one viewer ( it has been on the market for ages) But 1st viewer!

That surprisingly is what made me go over the edge. As I was making my tea the tears just started and I couldnt swalliw them away! My husband is gutted too I can see it inside him but he is trying to be strong. I just feel its all so unfair and wonder what weve done wrong! I know the answer is nothing but I am so hurt and feel everything seems to work out for others. If we could even just sell the house then I would have a focus. I feel like Im in limbo with everything big in my life and have no control.

Rant, rant, rant. Im sorry for this long self pitying post but even typing rhis makes me realise how whingy I am sounding. I need to get a grip !

 

[Nurse 26]

Oh laura, you have done amazing so far, its does creep up on you at times, but theres nothing wrong with a good cry, i think its best to get it all out. Who would have thought that this baby making would be so difficult and heartbreaking. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

 

[Bead]

Hi Laura,
I totally understand how you feel, it can creep up on you months and months later. Just when you think you're over it, WHAM, floods of tears again. Try and be easy on yourself, it's early days still. Let it all out when you need to, no need to try and keep it inside.
Sending you big hugs xxx

 

[Samsgirl]

Hi hon...i had a moment where it crept up on me too....unfortunately i was at work and was in my office blubbing away...

thing is too its so obvious when i have been crying so then everyone was asking me what was wrong...

hope you are feeling a bit better now xxx

 

[hayels]

it is so hard is int it hope your feeling a little better today sending lots of love xxxx

 

[laurat]

I just love the girls on here you all know how to make you feel better and less like a nutter.

I do actually feel stronger today and have made decisions to be pro active. I am going to make a family planning appointment for next Tuesday.
I have 7 weeks holidays coming up (teacher) so I am making plans for most days. Things that I want to get done. Ive just registered for my local Skyride so will be getting on my bike (literally) for training. I am going to try to appreciate my friends babies and take them for the cuties they are!

Samsgirl I hope that you are ok too honey! Especially after being upset at your work!

Baby dust to all of us!!!!

 

[Samsgirl]

yeah im fine thanks petal...in a 2ww as we speak xx

 

[Butterflykisses]

Laura the grief can creep up at any time. It's 5 months since my MMC and still hits me. Especially when the most unexpected people make pregnancy announcements. Its reading things like that on facebook that make me want to deactivate my page. Then I just hide all the status updates from those who make such announcements lol

Hope you're feeling better. Having 7 weeks holidays to look forward to would be sooooo good. I have a week off in July and 1 in August lol

 

[TORino]

Big hugs love xxxx

I understand about the rollercoaster of emotions. I just want to get off it myself. it's great to hear you have made plans and are looking forward to your holidays.

P.s good on you for signing up to the skyrides (I'm a skyride leader

 

[EllieC]

So Sorry to hear of your loss, Its all of your plans and dreams that you have for your baby and it is so hard watching other people fulfil them when you have empty arms. I understand the heartbreak you have and that you are pleased for your friends who have babies but wish it was you too. you are in the right frame of mind though and dealing with this well. keep strong, look after yourself, enjoy your holiday. if you ever want to talk or rant or scream how unfair this all is, please feel free to contact me. xhugs x

 

[JJ Mum]

It is very hard in the early days, and you will have days where you think why me, and have a good cry, but actually it helps you in a way, and then you can breethe, and try to focus as you have done in something else, like you said something you can control yourself ,well done

I spent a whole evening on what I suddenly thought was the aniversary of my MMC in march this year, and my OH came in and told me that I had missed it on the saturday before ! Then I cried as I had already missed it, and that I had forgotten.. (I felt better for the cry tho hun) Hang in there X

 

[laurat]

Thank you! Trying to just keep going! Trying to stay positive too!