Got the date booked for our AnteNatal *UPDATED*

[HideiLu]

Well we had a chat yesterday afternoon. I spoke to him calmly and explained how it was making me feel.

He agreed not to go, and admitted he'd been having doubts (At dinner with his family later I found that he had spoken to his parents about it and they weren't impressed so think that made him have a proper think about it).

He did mumble about being allowed to go next summer! But just happy he has understood where I'm coming from this time!

Happy Lucie now!

(Now he best not forget my birthday again in a couple of weeks or I'll be whinging all over again!! )

____________________________________________________________



I've been waiting for 4 weeks to get a reply on when we will have our antenatal class, and as I've mentioned in other posts, one of my main reasons for booking it was so OH would understand things (And I could be comfortable knowing that).

Today got a reply saying our class has been booked for Tuesday 1st July....OH has asked if I could move it to another date as that's when he wants to go on a p**s up lads holiday!!! (Which is yet to be booked and he kicks up a stink if I ask him to help out buying baby stuff!)

He knows my view on the holiday, a weekend away in the UK now fine, a lads holiday when we can afford it fine, a lads holiday after baby is born also fine, lads piss up to leave me when I need him most around NOT FINE

Why can he not get his priorities straight?!! Or does he really not give a ****?!!!!

 

[Hazel]

:
Why can he not get his priorities straight?

Because he's a man

They haven't got that emotional bond that we have until they see it. Men need visual stimulation (porn) where women don't. It's just the way their brains work.

I had an argument with mine about him wanting a plasma tv and I said what do I get as a present then and he said the baby clothes .

Does he want to go abroad??

 

[HideiLu]

He keeps on about a plasma as well! He's even been trying to apply for credit to get it.

Yes he wants to go abroad, either one week or two, all single lads to somewhere like Ibiza

We haven't even got a cot and furniture, or pram, car seat etc...it's all on hold until he can afford it...despite buying a Wii a couple of weeks ago and an XBox a few months ago.

I just can't get through to him on this

 

[Hazel]

Bloody plasma TVs, I can't see what the attraction is.

Luckily I control the finances in my house and DH basically gets an allowance (I don't call it that otherwise he would rebel and spend money, I call it what's left after bills and say it's ALL his ).

I would object to Ibiza also, that's not fair to leave you. As for waiting until you can afford it have you asked him when that will be? Does he not realise that there will be a baby here soon that requires a cot and not an Xbox. .

I firmly believe that nagging works . I think that going to the class might bring him back down to reality. Gotta put your foot down and tell him he's going to be a daddy soon and have some BIG responsibilities.

 

[NickyB]

Agree with Hazel, going to the class might give him a touch of reality.

We just bought a new LCD TV though, I did get it super duper cheap though and am a bit of a techie geek (no where near as much as DH).

 

[HideiLu]

Im hoping it would help....but problem being he wants to postphone incase the holiday goes ahead, and it took me 4 weeks to wait for this appointment!!

 

[Hazel]

Tell him it's the only one available. Is he likely to check up for himself. As a compromise could he just go to Ibiza or 3 or 4 nights and meet his mates out there?? That way he could go to the class and he'll still get his holiday and not leave you for as long. There are loads of easyjet flight out there.

 

[dannii87]

You know how I feel about this hun!!

James is a silly man in this instance . I mean, don't get me wrong, it sounds as though he's really come round to everything and given up a few things for you and Jacque, but still, I'd be angry too..

I don't know what else to say babe Have a hug xxx

 

[HideiLu]

Well he's gone out again tonight.

I was meant to go for a dinner with friends and work mates but had to pull out last minute as I just can't afford it.

I wish I could suggest that, but it will be whatever his mates say goes unfortunately! He does it all the time...if we have plans for the day, but then he gets a text from his mates, he'll go and do that instead and leave me at home!

We're also meant to be going for dinner with his family tomorrow night, but I don't even want to talk to him right now.

 

[abcd1234]

He needs to sort his prioritied out!! Yes it's great he is still around for yuo and baby but its his responsibility as much as yours and he needs to help pay rather then you sacrificing everything (god i wish i'd managed to get some money outta baby daddy before he pissed off lol)

As for going out, obviously a few days is fine but not all the time and not when you need him around, Dave's been moaning about money for ages, so much so i thought he was gonna start an arguement about him paying for dinner in a pub last night, yet he's out in town tonight, made me pick him up from the train station and drop him to meet his friends so he wouldnt be late.
I dont mind him going out but i've told him, this is 100% the last time he's allowed out before Tally comes, i'm simply not going through labour without him and he has to be soberfor it too.

If it was me i'd be putting my foot firmly down, saying that those are the antenatel class dates, you cannot change them (i doubt a bloke would check) and tell him you are not having someone unprepared at the birth with you. I told Dave he had to know as much as possible and i wanted him to come along and luckily he did no problem, but i'd decided from about 24 weeks that if baby daddy decided he wanted to be present he would have to prove he could be support for me and attend all classes too

friday nights are like the worst night anyway, everyone goes on about going out etc and heres me sat at home, my only entertainment has been my gym ball and it still hasnt moved her ( thats another rant altogether lol)

 

[dannii87]

Grrr I so wish I lived closer to you, it's not fair Lu... You work so damn hard and never seem to have any money, unlike James

You're out at work today (on a Saturday), you temp 5 days a week full time AND run you're own business in your spare time!! You should be rolling in it! But you're not because you've taken responsibility and are sorting things out ready for Jacque. James might think he's got it hard right now, but weigh up everything you're doing for your son and he's done almost zero to help.

Whatever happens hun, you are going to be a fantastic Mum, James really needs to step up to responsability.

I know he's probably trying to get as much "me" time as possible before baby is born, but I don't think he quite realises that there isn't as long left as it seems! 11 weeks is not a massive amount of time, and who knows, Jacques might decide he's cooked earlier than that which limits the time you've got left even more.

But like I've said before, the day we start producing our own sperm is the day we'll start to accept men taking a back seat

Can he not postpone the holiday?! I seriously can't understand why he can't do that...

I hope it's because he knows that when Jacques is born that's it, James isn't just James any more, he's Daddy xx

 

[Lindsay]

Aww hun, I feel for you on this one. My DH has booked to go to Torremolinos with the lads from work in Septermber (the baby will be a month old if she comes on time) so I will be left with 2 kids at a time when I feel that I will need his support. Thankfully he has only booked to go for 3 nights, I kicked up so much of a fuss he wouldn't have dared go for longer. We were out for a meal with all lads and their partners and someone said about him going for longer, so I piped up that he wouldn't be - I bet I am known as a right nagging wife

It's the same with the money situation too, he moans about us being skint but then we can always afford for him to go to the pub or out with the lads. I think all men must be the same.

I have found with my DH that he has calmed down loads and loads since Jacob was born and in fairness he doesn't do half as much as he used to do so perhaps it will be the same with your OH, I hope so!

As for the class, I would just go along to it hun, if he really wants to go along then he will if not it's his loss. But then again perhaps I am just a hard cow

Xxx

 

[Mildly]

I agree with the other girls, he does need to get his priorities straight

Might it be worth trying to bluff him and saying that if he doesn't come to the class you are not going to allow him to be there for the birth of his son? If you explain you are going to need all the support you can get at the time and with the class he'll be more prepared best able to support you. I don't want that to backfire on you though

 

[Hazel]

I was trying to decide if I was going to go to a class but I think my DH needs to as something might go wrong and he needs to understand what is happening and give consent for things if I'm unable to. Try saying that to him and he might realise that he has the responsibility of you and the baby.

 

[HideiLu]

Thanks for all the support ladies

I didn't speak to him when he got back last night (It wasn't a late one, just didn't want the stress of it before bed).

This morning I was just about to leave and he said;

"This is childish us not speaking, I'll be the adult and make the first move"

I said unless he was willing to actually absorb what I was saying and how it makes me feel about being put second to everything I wouldn't talk.

He said the classic that it was my choice to keep the baby, so I should take the responsibility!

I left and went to work at that point! Text him saying I needed to feel like I am important to him as I won't bring a child up to feel the same.

He replied by saying he will see if the lads can rearrange and if not he won't go Then another saying his Mum has bought us a fancy cot mobile.

Just got home and he's not here, so he's either on the beach or at work.

Hopefully he'll either take and proper chat later seriously or I have some big decisions to make.

 

[MissSara]

He said the classic that it was my choice to keep the baby, so I should take the responsibility!

That is out of order, i hope he see's what he is doing or should i say what he isn't doing for you and the littl eone soon.
He needs to stop thinking he has no commitments.

I would def be putting my foot down about the lads holiday, its not fair on you.

All men are the same and unless they are TOLD what to do they will take the piss and think they can do what they like....... lol at me telling you this when my OH is sat in the pub with the lads as i type.......

 

[HideiLu]

Update in first post

 

[Mildly]

Yay, I'm glad you got it sorted I would start dropping big birthday hints now

 

[sarah2807]

glad you got it sorted hun!

 

[fuffins1981]

Men often need it spelt out to them. Selfish SOB's!!

Well done in getting through to him