Friendship changes

[AnnaR2B]

Has anyone noticed the dynamics of their friendships changing? Don't know whether its just me being hormonal, but i'm convinced some friends just aren't including me anymore... I know...get out the violins!
Its just i was always quite social, bit of a party person but now close friends are just assuming me and hubby won't want to go anywhere, so invites are dwindling. Hubby couldn't give a toss, but i'm feeling a bit peeved..i mean i can still go out despite not drinking!
boo...sorry...just feeling bit sorry for myself.....

 

[Manda&Thomas]

aww hun
i dont really no what to say as my only real mate has a kid so if anything our relasionship is improving
how about you setting up a night and invting them to show you still want o be included
manda xx

 

[floppit]

I don't know whether to think of myself as lucky but the same thing happened to us when my hubby got ill in 2005. In the end I found myself prefering most folk to bog off than deal with a polite but not exactly 'meant' excuses - most of which added up to 'we didn't think you'd want to.....' (Always 'we' NEVER 'I').

The upside is that while we wound up with a much smaller group of friends those that did stay aren't going anywhere and are as busy waiting for our new arrival as we are! Oh - and our friendship group is growing again quite well now, slow but sure.

I figure that most friendships aren't built to last big life changes but that's ok because the few that are make up life long friends and the rest are just oh so replacable!

At the time it hurt like hell, I was so angry and to be honest my pride was dented that we weren't worth even the smallest change of plans so we could join in. One friend said it was because 'they' felt awkward and weren't sure what to say!! If I could turn the clock back I'd spend less time thinking about the folk who ran for the hills (or politely edged towards the hills) and more time valuing those who stuck their ground and put friendship first.

Maybe pay really good attention to the mates that still seem to be around?

 

[Kimbo]

i feel exactly the same... so thats why i suggest you all move to blackburn

 

[paradysso]

i lost all my mates when i was having alana, they didnt want to know, they wanted to go out clubbing, weve all been friends since we were 6, until 25, but now i dont ever talk to them

 

[AnnaR2B]

Glad its not just me.
I'm the same, theres one or two in particular that obviously just think we're boring now we don't go out and get absolutely hammered...just hurts as i've known these girls since primary school, and one i helped through a recent divorce. Pah....
OH keeps saying ' you've got me' bless him!
Still my life will be changing in April and i should start getting used to it now, and you're right Floppit, the friends that are supportive are the ones i should be bothering about!

 

[muppetmummy]

You'll end up meeting new people with babies of a similar age.
I found that my friends without kids couldn't understand that I couldn't just go out at a drop of a hat. You have to plan in advance with kids so you can arrange a babysitter.

 

[mrsbrickelltobe]

yep, we dont really go out out but we have parties at each others houses, we havenmt been invited to any since, i mean I CAN STILL SOCIALISE!!!!!

oh can still drink and i can still look

plus one of our closest lives next door and on afri i see them carrying their crates in, hear the music, and it PEES ME OFF.

right, im gonna gatecrash fri (it just occurred to me, perhaps they dont want me there anyway!!!)

 

[sazzylou]

my problem is that my whole social life was built around pubs, clubs and drinking. The night i went out and told my friends i was preggers was a nightmare. They spent the whole time getting slaughtered and telling me to have "just one glass of wine" which im not interested in (cant drink when preggers, even the thought makes me sick) Then one of my friends actually said to me "I dont like you when your preganant"!Bloody nice that is. Then theyre all drunk and start touching my tumming and going "ah, bless her" like im not even a person anymore. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH i havent been out since, lol.

I pretty much hibernated with my last pregnancy too so if i do go out, it'll be a quick juice at the pub, and off home before theyre all to drunk for me to cope with.

 

[Happybunny]

Luckily I have been with my current friend group for about 10 years. We were wild and partied and clubbed etc when we were in our early/mid 20s, but we have all got older and boring together. Most of social nights involve a games or DVD night or a meal out, so, luckily we haven't been left out.

However, I predict this might change when baby comes along, (much harder to go out on an evening when baby has settled into bath and bedtime routine.) So I have started to get to know people who were on the peripherial of our friend group (sisters, cousins, friends of my closer friends) who have or are having children, so that I will have a network of like minded people to socialise at more baby friendly hours with.

I have also joined the Cow and Gate Mum's Network and met a few people local to me who are due around the same time.

My sister met a really lovely lass through the cow and gate thing and now they and their daughters do everything together.

 

[Bee]

Friends? hmmm

I don't have any - nobody I can talk to apart from my sister tbh.

 

[youngmumtobe20]

i cant say i've lost any of my friends, the ones i have are pretty close the kind you can not see for a few months and drop in on them and they're still there, no awkwardness etc. but i have kinda hibernated, i used to drink most weekends with them or go out clubbing but to be honest i'd much rather stay in and curl up on sofa with OH at the moment anyway! going out is too tiring, hell i can just about walk to work and back without dying lol

i've been in touch with old friends from school that i havent seen in years too as some of them have had or are having babies so its like we have something in common again, a few of us are gona meet up after i've had my LO as im the last in the queue lol

 

[sazzylou]

its getting better since my daughter started school though. Ive met a couple of mums that are quite nice, but i find it really hard to talk to people (apparently i look really angry or stuck up, but im not at all im quite shy tbh, lol) and now people are finding out im preggers more and more mums are starting to chat to me and see how i am and stuff, so hopefully i'll make a few more mum-type friends and not just my drinky-clubbing mates. Problem with my mates is, most of em are single so they just cant understand.

 

[julia29scotland]

I had a friend problem tonight, since I have been pregnant last year with Jayden things have been dwindling between us, we have been best friends for 22 years, but I think she is jealous of me having Jayden and being pregnant again, she has always wanted to be married and have a baby, which makes me feel awful.

Well tonight I had said we could go out for dinner at 6pm and I would leave hubby to settle Jayden(7months) but he was so so upset, he is teething really badly, its heartbreaking to watch, so i called friend and told her I would have to cancel dinner only to get a mouthful from her about cancelling and she said she wont make any more plans with me.

She lifes a total different life from me now, shes single and I have hubby with baby and one on way, life changes and I will just have to find friends with more in common with me,

I cant believe she would try to make me feel bad about not wanting to leave my baby,

 

[Gem & Leland]

whats a group of friends trouble is i now dont live near my group of mates , did get a chance couple of weeks ago to meet up tho . other then that noone really lives near me now , havent made any friends since moving to london so got nooone to loose ! been too ill to go out anyway , barely wanna leave the house for work never mind sitting round someone elses , would love to have had friends come see me tho , never mind , hopefulyl meet some new people once baby here!

 

[DebbieM]

You got me though LMAO

Not much consolation I KNOW! More of a booby prize! hahahah

 

[debecca]

Awww Bee, I'll be your friend

 

[loz]

I think that real friends stick around no matter what - being a bit of an older bird now (nearly 32), most of my friends are in the same boat anyway. It must be tough if you are in your 20s and your friends arent v understanding. With friends I think that quality is better than quantity and it isnt a competition anymore like at school when you want loads of friends. At the end of the day your kids and little unborn babs comes first and if people arent mature enough to understand that then you dont need them. If people leave you out or dont contact you, then move on to other people more at your stage of life, not nice to have to go through though. x

 

[AnnaR2B]

Very true. I'm still a bit down as i'm same age as you, so been friends with these girls a long time...and undoubtedly they'll start having families soon too, still feel a bit hurt. Never mind!!! pecker up!

 

[sazzylou]

im the youngest of all my friends (almost 28) and even though theyre all in their 30's thewy all single. Only 1 has been married and had kids and she lives a 2 hour drive away from me. All the others are properly single and thats how they like it. they cant understand why ive "settled down so young". lol, silly buggers.