For all those bottle feeders out there (mini rant alert!)

[Annie050408]

Firstly, I have nothing against breastfeeding mums - good for you all and more power to you. I simply believe that every mother should be allowed to choose how they wish to feed their baby.

I'm watching a programme on BBC3 at the moment called 'Is Breast Best? Cherry Healey' and it has brought back the upsetting memories of people judging me left, right, and centre and constantly trying to persuade me to try it because it was natural and best for baby.

It still makes me seethe with anger to think of all the busybodies sticking their noses in when I was going through a traumatic enough time as it was with my baby being in special care for the first week and a half of her life and being separated from her.

I just never produced much milk and expressed every 3 hours night and day for the whole time she was in special care which was tiring and stressful and emotionally draining when I wasn't getting enough to feed her and was being made to feel that her being released from hospital depended on my success in producing milk which despite following every bit of advice going, just wasn't coming.

The worst part about it was that I was never bothered about breast feeding in the first place as myself and all my siblings were bottle fed and are all doing great in life, career wise, health wise and emotionally. I was made to feel that I had to try in order to be a good mother to my premature baby.

In the end it turned out that she was lactose intolerant and so couldn't breast feed anyway and yet STILL the busybodies shook their heads and told me that that was nonsense.

I was emotionally a wreck at the time my daughter was born and not strong enough as I usually am to tell people to just sod off and mind their own business.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is really to let all you new mothers who are bottle feeding know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and there will come a day- for me it was around 3-4 months, when people will accept your choice and stop asking why you don't breast feed.

I think my issue with all those who feel the need to constantly encourage you to try (how do they know you haven't tried bloody hard already!!) is that if they think breast is generally best then fine, nobody is disputing that, but in some situations it isn't because it isn't right for mum or for baby for one reason or another. I would NEVER lecture someone about how to feed their newborn baby, it is their baby and I have no right to make them feel bad about their decision about how to feed their child regardless of how well meaning I am.

Rant over......feel free to share your bottle feeding and being frowned upon stories.

 

[rainbow dancer]

I understand totally I'm not being judged now but was questioned by people as to why I felt it necessary to stop bf at six weeks . Arghhhh what makes it there business?? I'm so much happier now little one is bottle feed and she is still being fed so what's the problem. I agree with you Hun you gotta do what's right xcc

 

[Annie050408]

It's always nice to hear we are not alone although at the same time it indicates just how many people think it is ok to stick their nose in and act sanctimoniously about it which is a shame.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I bottle fed both my children and had no intensions of bf at all! No one said anything with Lacey but all I got with charley was why ain't you breast feeding, you breast fed Lacey... Eh no I didn't!!
My reasons for not breastfeeding might sound selfish but the thought freaks me out!! It scares the hell out of me knowing something will suck my nipples and I know it's natural but it really does scare me!!
Charley was also Tongue tied so I wouldn't of been able to breastfeed anyway!
Luckily not 1 health professional has judged me on my choice!

I'm really sorry you had a hard time Annie x x

 

[Yodabo]

I never breast fed either of my 3 boys. I was 18 when I had my first and just didn't think about Breast feeding him. I wanted to with my 2nd but he was 4 weeks early, cold and needed fed and warmed up quick so we tried, he wouldn't and he was put on the bottle. I contemplated with Drake but decided not to.

Tbh I haven't had a problem with anyone. No-one pressured me, I wasn't frowned upon and didn't have to justify my actions with I'm thankful for. I'm just sorry that you've been put through all that, like you I wouldn't judge anyone on how they feed their children. Breast or bottle, our babies are brought up and loved the just the same.

 

[Zazu]

I breastfed for 6 weeks and during this time zac dropped 2 centiles and was a very unsettled baby, so i clearly didnt have enough milk for him, as soon as I switched to the bottle (and the right milk) he was content and his weight has been fine ever since. I spoke to my HV about giving up at around 2 weeks, and she was very negative and I felt pressured to carry on. I totally agree that a lot of people judge you and look down on you if you don't/stop bf, and I think it is so wrong, I don't know anyone who is worse off for being bottlefed, surely as a mother you have the right to choose how you feed your baby!

Oooh - went on a mini rant myself then! X

 

[Annie050408]

Thanks all, to be honest I was getting it from all angles at the time! That annoys me because trust me, I'm not a rough/tough woman by any stretch of the imagination but I am a 31 year old, intelligent professional who normally wouldn't take criticism from anyone without telling them to stick it but I feel that people took advantage of me being vulnerable enough to be hurt by their comments.

 

[SKR_Derby]

Well said Annie! I also bottle feed my little one and completely empathise with you. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I decided I would breastfeed as I'd heard about all the long term benefits for baby and mum.

When little one was born I did try and breastfeed and I managed to do this a couple of times, however, I suffered from severe sciatica -it was so bad that I couldn't turn in bed at night, had to hold on to Walls to support myself walking around the house, and bath time was so hard getting in and out - so I decided to bottle feed so that my husband and other family members could help with feeds. And to be completely honest I was so stressed at the time and saw breastfeeding as a huge responsibility when I needed to focus on getting better. It took my body 6 weeks to get back to normal and walk normally again and looking back, I do not regret my decision at all. I have a beautiful, healthy baby and that's the main thing.

I did get questioned by so many people why I chose not to breastfeed and it got so frustrating! People would tell me how all their baby weight just dropped so quickly with breastfeeding etc etc. It is definately an individual choice and no mother should ever be made to feel like she has made the wrong choice -whatever feeding route she decides to choose.

 

[PinkPunch]

Some peoples attitudes stink to be honest. No one should have to explain their choice of food for their own baby. My mum bottle fed me and I think she's embarrassed when I breast feed and isn't overly supportive. On the other hand, my mother in law bf my hubby and when I gave DS a formula bottle the other day she said "poor wee man" as if it's such a bad thing even though I probably have a boob infection at the moment (seeing doc tomorrow).

We all know breast is best but surely it's wrong of society to somehow make loving mothers feel guilty about giving their babies formula, that's just wrong. Im beginning to think there is too much focus and pressure on us mums to bf and it's just not for everyone. There's a fine line between the government "encouraging" bf and making it appear like it's the be all and end all.

I think this is why I dont go to any breastfeeding groups because I don't want to be classed as one of those people who are against bottle-feeding.

 

[Princess81]

If I ever do get pregnant then I fully intend on trying to breastfeed, however, if I can't then bottle feeding it shall have to be! Fair play to people who decide to do it, it is your choice and no one has the right to butt in where they aren't wanted xx

 

[titch]

Brilliant thread! Not being able to breastfeed totally broke my heart, I put myself through hell to do it, for myself not for anyone else might I add. But I was stunned how many people ask "are you feeding him yourself?" I got asked in the bank once my mum told me to hold my head up high and say "yes" because I have worked harder than a lot of people have to, to feed my baby in any way at all.

This programme did make me cry though, I wanna know what BFing is like! I feel like I'm not in on some big secret!

 

[Annie050408]

Oh tiny

There is no big secret - most women's boobs produce milk fine and babies feed from them - end of. My doctor told me that there is no great skill involved and women who do/can are not some sort of elite- their bodies just manage it without many problems in the same way that many women have a 'natural' birth but that is not possible for everyone at the time. Think of it this way, at least we live in an age where bottle feeding exists and are not living in a time where another woman would have to feed the baby or even worse that the baby wouldn't survive without being breastfed as no other means of feeding was available.

Xx

 

[Princess81]

Good point Annie

 

[xx emma xx]

I'm just watching it just now. I don't want to breastfeed and have decided that since start of pregnancy. I'm sick of hearing about how breast us best. I get bad anxiety and the pressure of breast feeding really stresses me out. This programme is making me feel bad about not doing it. But I know I can't, I just don't feel comfortable with it. X

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

annie i totally agree my oh family had a go at me as i could express or be with amy every day for the 7 weeks she was in hospital and sed i shud be there as my breast milk would make her better nd help her heal quicker and put weight on but i did try to express but nothing was coming out my milk had dried up the dy i had her and never come in it must of dried up pretty quick so ended up formula feeding instead i was gonig to do it anyways as im not to keen on breastfeeding. i will be with this one too at the end of the day there still getting wht they need and are healthy i think programes like these are very biased too. id rather bottle feed then feel embarressed infrount of people like family and stuff and even going out i know you can express but then id feel like a milking cow lol i know its natural for people to breastfeed but id rather know in oz how much baby is getting rather than guessing when shes hungy or fall with breast feeding but sometimes they dont realise that not every womn is the same and may have problems breast feeding, it might be good for baby but does actually do us any good to brestfeed apart from oh it helps you lose weight lol but i agree with you annie and understand what your saying this tym im ignoring them as being a mother we know whats best for a child and how we want them growing up too

 

[don-don]

Hey,
I didn't watch it last nite, but am gonna watch it today! I have bottle fed all the way through,i didn't want to breast feed, the thought of it makes me rather woozy!! But lo was born seven wks early, and in special care (tube feed etc), so i prob would have had a difficult time breast feeding even if i wanted to!! xxxx

 

[ZMD]

I bf for the first 4 months then found out LO is Lactose intolerant cut out all dairy from my diet But struggled so switche to Lactose free formula the amount of people who judged me and said Im selfish for stopping was unbelievable! LO is now thriving on formula x

 

[pinkymum]

I made the decision not to breastfeed a while ago and thankfully so far no one has tried to guilt me! Just hoping when she arrives I won't get hassle either. I think bf is great if people want to do it, I love reading Gemma's blog. But I have my reasons why I don't want to and I think people should be allowed to decide either way without being judged! *hugs* annie!

 

[frankie707]

I know I'm not a bottle feeder but I just wanted to show a bit of support for you ladies who are getting negative feedback for formula feeding. One of my friends tried bf for almost 3 weeks but was hating it, we supported her in stopping as we all thought it is much more important for mummy to be happy rather than stressed and her and baby are much happier now so it was totally the right thing for them to do. Every mummy does 100% the best for their baby, bottle or breast shouldn't be judged by anyone else.

 

[titch]

Oh tiny

There is no big secret - most women's boobs produce milk fine and babies feed from them - end of. My doctor told me that there is no great skill involved and women who do/can are not some sort of elite- their bodies just manage it without many problems in the same way that many women have a 'natural' birth but that is not possible for everyone at the time. Think of it this way, at least we live in an age where bottle feeding exists and are not living in a time where another woman would have to feed the baby or even worse that the baby wouldn't survive without being breastfed as no other means of feeding was available.

Xx

thats very true, I think Id throw up if I had to watch another woman BFing my son!!

I think if I can BF next time Im gonna become one of those mothers who never wants to stop