Feeling very lonely!!!!

[mandyaudoire]

Hi there
My name is Mandy and I am 35 years old with no children. I have just find out that I have had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I feel totally helpless, lonely and totally devastated. My husband and I had been trying for about a year and to be honest had about to give up hope when I found out on Valentine's Day that I was pregnant. To begin with, I could not believe it because I have always been optimistic and found myself regulatly doing pregnancy test every week for the past 8 weeks.
We told immediate family the news but decided to wait until my 12th week scan (due tommorrow!!) to tell others the news.
Had pains and bleeding at the weekend and so went to A&E. Went back following morning to EPAC to be told that I had had a miscarriage - worse still, I was pregnant with triplets!!!!!!!! Booked in Friday for D&C. Will I ever get over the void that I am feeling??????? Triplets - how would we have coped anyway???? When will I stop crying - I never thought that it was possible to cry so much.
Would love to talk to anyone with similar experiences.
Kind Regards
Mandy

 

[huggybear]

oh mandy my heart goes out to you readlly it does, i cant begin to imagine how you are feeling, i dont understand all the abreviations in your post have you had a scan since the bleed? reason i ask is my sister in law miscarried at around 3 month and when she went for her d&c she demanded a scan first as she felt something was not right and to cut a long story short she thought it was one but it was actually twins and only one had miscarried!! she now has a 10 year old daughter .
now i dont want to build up hopes but with you saying it is triplets i would demand another scan before anything is done internally, other than that i send huge hugs your way and wish you all the best in the future and never give up as long as you want a family things can happen. i'm one of four and the next eldest after me is 14 year older so things happen when you least expect it and even when you arnt even trying.
god bless
shell
xx

 

[Dandelion]

Mandy, I'm new here but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

This will probably make you feel like giving up hope, but don't do that. Give yourself time to grieve and allow yourself to feel upset because it's a natural process.

Then begin again. You'll get what you want in the end.

In the meantime, I really am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Jaidy]

Hi hunny,

BIG HUG AND KISS TO YOU

Im so very sorry to hear about your sad losses. It must be awful considering you have been trying for a year, I have not been trying for that long but I know how it feels.

My view is that everything happens for a reason in this world and obviously what happended was meant to be. Dont give up trying, if its what you really want you will get your dream eventually, thats what I tell myself anyway.

Give yourself time to greive and do whatever you feel you need to do to come to terms with your losses. Life is a learning curve and no doubt in my heart you will get your long wanted baby soon.

If you ever need to talk there are loads of us online regulary who are great listeners and give great advice. We are like a big family!!

Take care of yourself xxx

 

[mandyaudoire]

Hi There
Thank you for all your kind words and support...
Went back to hospital last friday to have D&C, had scan first just to confirm what I already knew......... my 3 babies (huey, duey & louey had gone.........)
Went to sleep and woke up in room after operation crying my eyes out.
Can't believe I had to sign a consent form agreeing for the hospital to cremate the remains as opposed to making my own arrangements....
Still feel totally empty and feel I have failed.
I live about 60 miles away from my family and closest friends and they are all devastated for me - they seem to be plotting against me because I feel they think I am losing the plot!!!
Don't get me wrong, I am taking each days as it comes but at times I just want to hide away and wallow in my own self-pity.
My husband has been great and I know he is finding it very hard too - at times I think he is being strong for both of us, but I worry that one day it will hit him very hard.
I have been told that my period will come within the next 2-5 weeks and there is no reason why we shouldn't try again. My husband is gagging!!!! Had placed a no sex ban on him until 12 week scan - but bearing in mind there were triplets last time I'm thinking I asking him to relieve himself in a bag first!!!!!
Want to fall again ASAP but even if I do, I will never forget the 3 I lost and I will never ever want to replace them. It's weird though they were only 12 weeks old and I can not believe that I would feel like this. I agree with you all when you say that people that have experienced this loss can comment on this. My mother-in-law lost her husband 3 years ago and she ahs said that she knows what it is like to grieve a lost one.
God, that makes me feel even worse - my babies hat not even been born.
If I feel like this now, I can not even imagine how it must be to lose a baby that you have given birth to - my heart goes out for all of those that have.
Am back at work now and that helps a little - something to take my mind off of it. Hoping in time things will get better.
Sorry to go on so much but it helps to write it all down and talk to others that have been there - no-one else I know has..........
Eternally grateful for all your help and support.
Hope to talk to you al soon.
Fingers crossed for next time
Kind Regards
Mandy Xxxxx

 

[Dandelion]

Hi Mandy,
I understand how you feel. I haven't lost three babies at once but have lost two on separate occasions. I decided not to try again because it was so bad losing them. I have changed my mind now, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. It does get better - and no you won't forget them.

With the second one I found that I fought the emotion and negative feelings and really suffered because I thought I shouldn't be feeling so bad, but then after a couple of months I decided that my grief was nothing to do with anyone else's standards or views and if I wanted to 'lose the plot' I could. I let go and just had some time off and really allowed myself the right to grieve.

Our culture does have a bit of a 'stiff upper lip' attitude and people say things like "Oh, her husband died." or "She lost her babies" and fit it into a box and not really think about what's really going on and get on with their lives. They're just sentences, but the pain and suffering behind them is immense. The fact that people don't really understand makes you feel more isolated.

You need to grieve - lose the plot if you want. Then as you get better you'll find it again. Don't worry AT ALL about what anyone else thinks. Don't bury it or fight it because then it just stays inside you. You need to take care of yourself and put yourself first and treat yourself like you would your sister or best friend if this had happened to them.

I really wish you all the things you want and no more pain.

xx